Son asking for money all the time

[ElasticatedJeans]

This has come to a head today as it’s half term next week.

My DS is 13 (year 9). I work FT so I’m not around during school holidays but I work one mile away from home, so if there’s a problem I can go straight home.

Anyway DS is constantly asking for money. Today he text me after school asking me to put money on his Osper card so he could buy drinks etc while he’s with his friends. I said no and told him to be home at 6.30 for his tea. Tomorrow he wants to go to the fair and wants £30 for that. No doubt on Saturday he’ll want a tenner for drinks and food while he’s with his friends and the same again on Sunday. We live off the beaten track so once he’s out he doesn’t want to come home for lunch or tea. His curfew is 8pm and I’m not cooking again at 8pm just because he wants to stay out with his mates.

I’ve got no doubt that he’ll ask me for at least £10 a day next week while he’s off school.

I’ve told him to stop asking for money all the time and he agrees and then the following day he’s at it again!

I’m fed up with it to be honest. I don’t want him to be thirsty or hungry but I simply cannot afford to give him £10 a day for food.

His step dad gave him £40 last Saturday and he blew it in a day on cinema/food/drinks/train fare.

AIBU?

I think a budget / allowance is definitely the way to go. You can decide if its more in holiday months or you average it over the year. Start with weekly.

Have him do a paper round so he can earn his own money

I haven't even got £20 to spend on me and my two kids this half term! He's very lucky!

When my DS was your son's age this is what I did.
£4 a day to be spent on bus fares ( about £1 ) and lunch during school term
Pocket money of £50 a month from his father, my Ex
Weekends and holidays I'd give him what I could afford, maybe £10-£20 a week. Oh and I paid for his mobile and clothing.
He was very outgoing and sociable and would have sent 100 times this amount had he had it. But he wasn't grabby and never asked for more. I think the trick is to give set amounts, it really encourages the young person to learn how to budget. Sounds as if your DS thinks you're a soft touch and money is there for the asking? You say you say No all the time. I imagine you say No most of the time but then give in. Teens are so notorious for finding out weak spots!

Give him a weekly allowance - whatever you feel comfortable with. Tell him that's it, he won't get any more. Then when he asks, just say no. Every time, not 90% of the time. Don't get into a debate, use the stuck record and beyond 'no' don't engage.

He'll give up eventually.

My YR9 DS gets £30 per month allowance plus I pay for his £10 per month for his phone (giff gaff) and I don't consider that mean at all. He doesn't really spend it much yet because he doesn't really go into town that frequently with friends. Your DS need to hang around in town less.

School holidays - most kids hang around at each other's houses because it's free and they don't have any money to loiter in town, visiting KFC/Nando's! Surely, that's a once a week activity at most due to expense.There is no way all his YR9 friends are getting £10 per day in the holidays!

My children have £30 a month allowance. It is paid into their account at the beginning of the month and it is their responsibility to take cash out when they need it. If it runs out, then I make myself be hardhearted and do not give them any more. I think it is important to learn to manage money sensibly. I will occasionally lend them some money if otherwise they would miss out on a special occasion but make sure it is paid back ASAP.

We also pay for their food at school (£3 a day on their account) and a weekly tram ticket. Any other travel or food costs come out of their allowance. I still buy their toiletries and clothes, but if they want extras, e.g. hair dye, makeup and halloween costumes, then they pay for that out of their allowance.

From talking to friends with similar aged children (11-15), it seemed like we were being fairly generous, so £20 a week sounds a lot.

Write out a list of (additional) chores for the house and garden with a payment next to them. Stick to fridge. Each time he asks for money, point to list. Eg mop kitchen, wash car, mow lawn. Also teach him how to budget and save money, eg taking water bottle and making pack up to take with him on a day out.

I used to work Saturdays for my parents at the age for less than £2 an hour doing all sorts and have about £60-70 a month which was ridiculous, always had more cash than my pals and would be able to have a sit down lunch out in town in my school lunch break and would never have asked for anything more from my parents buuuuuut the business finished/parent died and I was used to having all that cash and I was terrible for asking for a fiver here or there maybe £20 cause so and so gets that much and I need to go to the cinema/get this new top and was a really nightmare for my poor mum.

If she had just set me a fixed budget and given it to me I wouldn't have pestered so much and she would probably have saved a heap too and managed to get me to do more chores.

It gets hard when you leave home and you're used to getting £20 because of a very important party and suddenly you've got bills to pay and no one cares what party is on...you aren't doing him any favours. In ten years, he'll be 23 and probably moved out with a job, do you think he will afford £30 for a fair?

If his friends have more spending money then he could well be feeling the pressure of 'keeping up', so it might be worth having a conversation about this.

As you live in the sticks, i think it's only fair you pay for a monthly travel pass (pre-paid).

Pocket money, in my opinion, needs to be earned.
Plus, he can't spend morning til night just doing his own thing.
Stick a rota in the kitchen with your individual tasks etc
He's old enough to do basic housework - hoovering, dusting, cleaning, using washer/dryer etc.
He can learn to cook basic meals and/or help you with the prep

Once he's completed a task he can go out meet his friends.
If he wants to stay out til curfew then he has the option of taking a packed lunch/snacks out with him
If you buy in large packs of snack-size drinks/crisps etc then that's one less expense for him

If you pay him weekly - in arrears- it might help him plan/budget/manage his spending better....and instill a better work/value ethic

You just need to decide the amount of pocket money you want/can give him.
He can also have friends round at yours during the day i presume?
He could join sports/hobby clubs so he's 'out' and 'doing' something without having the same expense?
Or he could learn to sometimes just enjoy his own company doing his own thing at home.

I meant to say earlier the other parents might be sick of it too they could all be saying but jack and Joe's allowed to go to kfc and the cinema so the parents are just dolling out cash. I would go with the allowance the other parents might thank you for it.

Yes I get pestered for money all the time from my youngest who is 15 but he has been doing it for years.

The fact you can't afford to keep up the current demand is a bit of s red herring.

I'm quite well paid and could afford to give him more but refuse to do so because what would that teach him ?

He gets £40 per calendar month. Il
But he asks for more all the time.

I tell him no , that he has to work for money.
He usually chooses to not work and not earn !!

It drives me mad. I feel your pain