Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son asking for money all the time

88 replies

ElasticatedJeans · 19/10/2017 16:33

This has come to a head today as it’s half term next week.

My DS is 13 (year 9). I work FT so I’m not around during school holidays but I work one mile away from home, so if there’s a problem I can go straight home.

Anyway DS is constantly asking for money. Today he text me after school asking me to put money on his Osper card so he could buy drinks etc while he’s with his friends. I said no and told him to be home at 6.30 for his tea. Tomorrow he wants to go to the fair and wants £30 for that. No doubt on Saturday he’ll want a tenner for drinks and food while he’s with his friends and the same again on Sunday. We live off the beaten track so once he’s out he doesn’t want to come home for lunch or tea. His curfew is 8pm and I’m not cooking again at 8pm just because he wants to stay out with his mates.

I’ve got no doubt that he’ll ask me for at least £10 a day next week while he’s off school.

I’ve told him to stop asking for money all the time and he agrees and then the following day he’s at it again!

I’m fed up with it to be honest. I don’t want him to be thirsty or hungry but I simply cannot afford to give him £10 a day for food.

His step dad gave him £40 last Saturday and he blew it in a day on cinema/food/drinks/train fare.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Justgivemesomepeace · 19/10/2017 17:47

My 14yr old gets £10 a week. £5 from me and £5 from her grandad. She does fine on that although we don't live in London. Who just gives a 13 yr old £300 to go shopping? Shock

milliemolliemou · 19/10/2017 17:48

Just tell him no. He's not going to be thirsty or hungry when he can come back home and drink/eat. Or just plan ahead and be prepared to go out with water bottle/food.

JUST SAY NO!

BeyondThePage · 19/10/2017 17:49

my girls 15 and 16 get £5 a week allowance for social stuff - a couple of milkshakes or a trip to KFC with mates at the weekend... both have a "go anywhere" bus pass - which they need for school, but is valid all other times too.

One has nothing in her pocket after day 2, the other saves most of it.

metalmum15 · 19/10/2017 17:51

I suspect he's on drugs tbh

Wtf? He's a 13 year old boy, more likely he's just got an appetite like a horse.

Op, don't give in, otherwise he'll keep on asking and asking. £20 a week is extortionate, quite frankly. That's £80 a month. What if you have 2 or 3 teenagers? Stick to a set amount, say £10 a week, and when it's gone he stays in, or goes out with his mates and goes without the extra food and drinks. He won't starve and it'll teach him you're serious when you say no.

ilovesooty · 19/10/2017 17:51

Drugs? You'd need a bit more evidence than that.

arethereanyleftatall · 19/10/2017 17:53

Saying no 90% of the time only is precisely why he keeps asking.
Give him pocket money (£20 a week is a lot but as you like) and then it's no, no, no ad infinitum.
Not no no no no no yes.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/10/2017 17:54

First of all, he should be earning his money through chores. He would appreciate that money a lot more of he had to toil for it. Secondly, I would tell him if he asks even one more time for the week, he will get not one cent the next week.

19lottie82 · 19/10/2017 17:56

You say you live out in the sticks so I'd give him £20 a week plus a travel card in the holidays. Plus offer him the opportunity to earn a bit more by doing chores, if you can afford it. As cinema tickets and Nando's don't come cheap!

StormTreader · 19/10/2017 17:59

Being able to budget is a crucial life skill. Give him whatever regular amount seems suitable and affordable to you, and let him get on with it.

Better for him to learn now than when hes older and being offered credit cards and payday loans.

19lottie82 · 19/10/2017 17:59

Lol @ on drugs! I take it you don't have teenagers?

Kids like to go to Nando's, they like to go to the cinema, they like to go to Burger King, they like to go bowling..... do you know how much these things cost?

Plus train / bus fares as the OP says they live in the middle of nowhere.

Original poster
ElasticatedJeans · 19/10/2017 18:09

He’s not on drugs. He is on 10,000 calories a day though!

I’ve said no today and surprise surprise he was at home when I got in from work, waiting to be fed.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 19/10/2017 18:23

There is no reason on earth why he can't prepare a meal or snack for himself. Tell him you're not his bloody maid.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 19/10/2017 18:24

Give him a budget for the rest of the holidays, he gets it as a lump sum wth the condition he doesn't nag for more. There's a £2 fine every time he asks for more, this will be knocked off his normal weekly pocket money.

Katedotness1963 · 19/10/2017 18:27

Our eldest went through that stage too. Then we started putting money into his account at the beginning of the month and told him it had to last. First month, blew the money in a week, nothing for three weeks. Second month he managed to get halfway through the month. Since then he's always has some money left at the end of the month.

Original poster
ElasticatedJeans · 19/10/2017 18:30

I think that’s a really good idea, deducting money each time he asks me. I’ll do that.

I just wanted to see if:-

A I was being tight. I’ve got one child and this is my first teenager.
B If anyone else gets pestered for money

OP posts:
NoCryLilSoftSoft · 19/10/2017 18:37

I do say no 90% of the time but he won’t be put off asking.

SO? Just because he asks, doesn’t mean He gets. Tell him his allowance is £X and when it’s gone it’s gone. Ignore any requests for more.

GeorgeTheHamster · 19/10/2017 18:41

I never get pestered for money. They have had their own money (not much!) since they were five. They know how to budget. You need to set an amount and stick to it. Start saying no.

GeorgeTheHamster · 19/10/2017 18:42

"I do say no 90% of the time"

That's your problem right there.

Ilovetolurk · 19/10/2017 18:46

My DS13 gets a tenner a week if he wants more then he does jobs; currently he is clearing leaves

Usually more cash means kfc or energy drinks which is the main reason I limit it I am more concerned about his diet and teeth Grin

He does go on at me though and is quite the salesman. Also bigger and imposing now can be hard to say no

You need to be tougher but you already know that . I would suggest you try some different techniques at closing down the conversation and leaving the room etc etc

wannabestressfree · 19/10/2017 18:51

I have three teens. Two Work and eat enormous amounts of food. Ds2 will happily snack on 20 nuggets and a milkshake before dinner. I encourage them all to ‘pot’ money for end of week when times are hard lol. I used to give them both £20 a week allowance and ds3 gets £10 for the weekend.
He sounds normal. Ds3 has no concept of the cost of things and he loves labels. I meet him halfway if he likes something :)

Parmesanity · 19/10/2017 18:52

DS 14 gets £5 a week into an account with a debit card so if he wants to buy anything he has to save up, and if he wants spending money in the holidays he can use his own money.

However he doesn't go out with friends yet, they still hang out at home and we tend to go to the cinema as a family as we all enjoy the same films.
We pay for his basic phone, clothes as he's not into brands or clothes shopping and he takes packed lunches.
His allowance is conditional on him doing stuff around the house and keeping on top of his school work.

BlackeyedSusan · 19/10/2017 18:53

nah, he needs to ask either Jeremy Corbyn or Theresa May, can't remember which one of them last had possession of the magic money tree...

nameusername · 19/10/2017 18:53

Just hope he doesn't have instagram or much online social presence. The amount of teenagers including adults with hastag #goals when it comes to admiring the vloggers, youtubers, instagrammers lifestyle is kinda scary getting into debt.

I’ve said no today and surprise surprise he was at home when I got in from work, waiting to be fed. He's 13 and old enough to do some basic cooking. Maybe you could start teaching him how to cook. It'll be great for his future and hopefully not to have some chauvinistic or preconceived expectations to be waited on hand on food with his future partner.

Misss9217 · 19/10/2017 18:54

Give him his money a week (what you think is suitable) once it is gone TOUGH.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 19/10/2017 18:55

I found this tricky at this age as you do want them going out meeting friends, rather than glued to screens indoors.