AIBU not to go on holiday with a broken leg?

[TheNewKaren]

ExH is trying to pressurise me into going on a short trip into mainland Europe by car (he will be driving) over the half term. He would like to spend time with the children and they will not be going on holiday with him if I am not coming.

On such occasions I would usually go with the children in our own car and stay in a separate hotel (usually in an apartment a few miles down the road from him), but with a broken leg in a cast I can’t drive. He has offered to drive us all, but I am not comfortable with this and tbh in the past I have always been grateful to have my own transport in case he is misbehaving.

ExH is of course calling me all sorts of things and apparently half the world is going on holiday with broken legs etc and I should just get on with it and not make so much fuss. The consequences of not going will be endless hostilities, but I really can’t face it. AIBU to decline?

Not now or ever
Broken leg or not there is no logical reason to go away with your ex

The answer is no not now not ever.
No reason to explain.
You are not together

AnyFucker it’s a real pain, but I suck it up so DD can go on holiday and he won’t withhold permission. We don’t usually see much of him - he is in the area and would meet the kids a few times and that’s then enough goodwill. But I didn’t want to travel with him - cast or no cast.

No no no, don´t go with him! You can go next half term if he is really keen. It isn´t a now or never trip. He´s just going on about it now so that he can make a big fuss.

You can't fly with a leg in a cast and sitting in a car for a great length of time will do you no favours in developing a DVT either. Not worth the risk for that alone and I doubt you'd get any insurance cover with a broken leg in a cast even if you did still drive there.

Terrible idea. The kids go with him on their own and leave you to rest up!

cestlavie good point and there is nothing wrong taking to a teen like an adult but not like a business contact which is what I meant.

Hang on

Your dd doesn't get a holiday unless you all go with him ?

And why are you martyring yourself in this way ?

What's that all about then ?

I keep telling him to communicate with the DCs and leave me out of it - if only so I don’t get the blame for their decisions.

AnyFucker He shares parental responsibility for DD only and won’t let her go unless he is in attendance in some shape or form. This usually means that I suck it up, tell him where we are going and he is meeting up with us every now and then. It usually spoils the holiday. He is unable to behave himself for more than a few hours and then he starts to insult me.

Do not even contemplate it

• It would be very very painful to sit in the car all day
• depending on the type of car/cast you may not even be able to get in the car
• insurance/access to increased pain relief if necessary
• why would you risk extending your recovery?
• problems of staying in unfamiliar surroundings with broken leg - ie

a)unable to walk or go sightseeing or participate in activities without pain b) ditto stairs if hotel/accommodation has no lift, c) possibility of being unable to wash for entire trip if hotel on has bath/showers over bath (has happened to me) d) the most important one - YOU DON't WANT TO - he is your ex and you don't need a "good reason" not to go

Stay home and heal

We usually do go in separate cars and stay in different places.

He can't stop you from taking your daughter on holiday

I don't understand why you are playing along with these mind games. Just ignore the stupid fucker.

Lunde Agree. I already soaked my cast once when this plastic cover contraption was faulty and was stuck with a squidgy wet cast overnight. It’s not doable in a hotel and I’d just sit there and watch everybody else swimmming etc (apparently I’m being selfish)

He's a complete wanker.
I would have told him to fuck off from the start.

'Waah! Everyone else gets to do it!' - so what?

Plus all the other reasons.

This is a very bizarre setup op. I would be very very surprised if the kids actually enjoyed the ‘holidays’ - imagine they’re tense with weird boundaries no one can properly navigate. If this is the case, Stop doing them altogether, never mind this once.

Take the kids camping in the uk and don’t tell him.

No it’s not much fun and I am not doing this anymore. Starting now.

He’s just let me know that it’s just a broken leg and not a spinal or head injury and therefore it’s not a big deal.

He doesn´t seem to get the idea that if you are nasty to people, they aren´t going to want to go on holiday with you...

Yanbu at all, tell him to fuck off.

sonjadog the opposite: he thinks if he frightens us enough I will agree to anything. DS keeps telling him that he will end up having nobody in his life due to his behaviour.

So far you have gone along with this crazy set up.
So of course he thinks if he goes on about it you will fold and do his bidding. It has to stop.
Use this opportunity to change your future

You have no reason to speak to him. The teens can arrange directly.

Listen to your son

You are doing your kids no favours by showing them that if someone shouts loud enough they get their own way

Make a stand starting now

Think very carefully about every move you make. If it doesn't directly benefit you and your kids, don't do it

If it benefits him and inconveniences you, don't do it

You have thought that by pacifying him, he would turn into a better person and make your life easier

You were wrong

I can't see why you are indulging him so much. Stop telling him every little thing, take your kids on holiday without him and why you are arguing about going on someone else's holiday with a broken leg I have no idea.

You need to learn the phrase 'this conversation is over' and use it.