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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to go on holiday with a broken leg?

80 replies

TheNewKaren · 19/10/2017 14:41

ExH is trying to pressurise me into going on a short trip into mainland Europe by car (he will be driving) over the half term. He would like to spend time with the children and they will not be going on holiday with him if I am not coming.

On such occasions I would usually go with the children in our own car and stay in a separate hotel (usually in an apartment a few miles down the road from him), but with a broken leg in a cast I can’t drive. He has offered to drive us all, but I am not comfortable with this and tbh in the past I have always been grateful to have my own transport in case he is misbehaving.

ExH is of course calling me all sorts of things and apparently half the world is going on holiday with broken legs etc and I should just get on with it and not make so much fuss. The consequences of not going will be endless hostilities, but I really can’t face it. AIBU to decline?

OP posts:
DancesWithOtters · 19/10/2017 14:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CockacidalManiac · 19/10/2017 14:59

The kids don’t want to go on holiday with him, so they don’t have to; it appearance the only way he can get them to go is to guilt trip and control you.

user1471451564 · 19/10/2017 15:00

My pleasure!! Grin i hope you heal well.

CockacidalManiac · 19/10/2017 15:02

‘Sorry, the children do not want to go on holiday with you; they don’t particularly trust you, and your time would be better spent trying to build some kind of relationship with them, rather than formulating some fantasy about a road trip’

Straycatblue · 19/10/2017 15:07

So your EX wants you to suffer a 6 hour uncomfortable car journey with a broken leg because HE doesnt like flying and wont fly because it makes him uncomfortable. Its not even a planned holiday, its a last minute decision. (even flying is risky for you, you would have to get your cast split and clear it with your holiday insurance, which will be more expensive with a broken leg)

And because you have refused he is being verbally abusive to you and calling you names.
You have also mentioned that you prefer your own transport when you facilitate his holidays with children by going along as well in case you need to get away from him because of his bad behaviour.

TBH, it doesnt sound like the broken leg is the problem, its the fact that you are still putting up with abusive behaviour.
He wants a better reason why you cant come apart from your broken leg and how it will be painful, uncomfortable, risk of death from dvts, higher insurance.
Tell him to fuck off.

thenightsky · 19/10/2017 15:11

DH broke his leg 10 days before we were due to go to Spain (flying but a drive of 2 hours to airport).

No way could he have done it. Sitting in the back seat with his leg up for the trip home from the hospital caused such awful swelling inside the pot he was in agony (2 hours).

Also, he couldn't get insurance anyway. Plus he was at massive risk of DVT if sitting without moving for more than an hour or two.

Original poster
TheNewKaren · 19/10/2017 15:12

I have basically told him to fuck off and that I don’t even have to discuss this with him. Even if we go in separate cars and stay in separate hotels, there are usually hostilities when he’s had a few drinks. It would be a nightmare situation to be stuck abroad without transport and spending a fortune to get back somehow in case he has a fit.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheNewKaren · 19/10/2017 15:13

I am currently sitting at my desk and even now my leg is swollen and feels like busting out of the cast.

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 19/10/2017 15:14

Why does he have to go to Europe? He can spend time with the DCs here, can't he?

thenightsky · 19/10/2017 15:15

Plus... how are you going to fit in the car... you will need the whole back seat to keep your leg raised. No room for DC then.

Honeycombcrunch · 19/10/2017 15:23

It's clear why he's an ex and why your DC aren't keen to go on a trip with him!

Tell him that you are not going and won't discuss it any further. Any extra messages from him can just be ignored because you've given him a final answer.

mygorgeousmilo · 19/10/2017 15:28

I would not be going on holidays with him under any circumstances, broken leg or no. Why should you have to be dictated to and put up with his crap for the sake of holidays? The kids are teenagers now, so if they don't want to be with him ten that needs to be communicated across to him. You don't need to facilitate them spending time with him unless there are safeguarding issues surely? If they are saying no, then he needs to understand why. I can't imagine divorcing my husband and always going on holidays together and it always being miserable. That's not what you have to do, you're not together anymore. He can fuck right off!

Columbine1 · 19/10/2017 15:29

How long are the DC prepared to spend with him if you're not there? Would they agree a shorter break in UK? It could be somewhere you could get to by train but really even minus broken leg it sounds awful for you & you wouldn't be able to do yr own thing..

I did travel to Caribbean with adult DC in a surgical boot but only because it was supposed to have been off 6 weeks prior...and it was kind of a road trip!

Original poster
TheNewKaren · 19/10/2017 16:26

The kids are ok to spend a couple of hours with him or sometimes when he is babysitting a couple of nights when I am away for work. But I have to find an alternative solution, as there are always issues (apart from
the typical fridge raiding whenever he gets a chance). But then he only spends time with them in the late evening and they even make him dinner!

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 19/10/2017 16:30

So he won't make himself uncomfortable by flying but expects you to make yourself VERY uncomfortable?

It sounds as though your kids don't want a holiday with him anyway, so for me the answer would be no, think up things to do that are closer to home.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 19/10/2017 16:30

That's for him to think of things, not you.

Original poster
TheNewKaren · 19/10/2017 16:43

He thinks he is making a massive effort and to be fair, whereas I would usually pay for the kids and myself, he was going to fund the trip. Still I cannot be persuaded. Three days of hell are three days of hell.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheNewKaren · 19/10/2017 16:46

Even at home I take ages to get ready. A hotel room shared with two DC is not great under the circumstances. This is why we usually rent an apartment, whereas ExH stays in the Grand Hotel.

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 19/10/2017 16:53

Trapped in a car with my ex is a nightmare thought. What are you thinking?

Original poster
TheNewKaren · 19/10/2017 17:10

Same here! It never ends well.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheNewKaren · 19/10/2017 17:11

Gabriella I usually go in my own car with the kids and they then meet up with him on site for activities.

OP posts:
youarenotkiddingme · 19/10/2017 17:43

Just no!

There's absolutely nothing about his plans that make sense or are designed for create family fun.

AnyFucker · 19/10/2017 17:48

I don't understand this situation even without the broken leg

Neither myself nor my children would be spending precious holiday time with this person

Original poster
TheNewKaren · 19/10/2017 17:52

Thank you all! The insurance is the obvious answer. I have here I front of me a doctor’s note that I am not to travel and there will be no insurance cover if I travel against the doctor’s advice. Hope this will put an end to the matter now. He’s been complaining to DD about me when he picked her up from school - another boring chore he has to do and which causes him so much inconvenience!

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 19/10/2017 17:53

What ?
They teenagers
They go with him or they don't

Stop going anywhere with him and them

It s crazy.
If he can't manage them or they refuse yo go without you then it is what it is.
They are not babies
What's wrong with talking to a teen like an adult?
Just say no your now or ever going away with him and kids

Up to him to sort it out with dc so they agree to go with him.