To be happy it will soon be illegal to smack children?

[speakout]

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-scotland-politics-41678797

Brilliant news.

I don't punish or reward. Children need to learn to work for their own success.

My dad has that attitude it called to mean and tight. Nothing wrong with rewarding children for doing well. Do you ever reward yourself with a glass of wine or an evening out with friends or your husband. Children are to young to get jobs so they cant give themselves a little treat. You do sound mean.

This isn't meant to be a derailment but...

How is government intervention in parenting choices going to help anything?! There is no end to people's differing views on what is drastically detrimental to a child.

I feel physically sick when I see obese parents feeding their obese children junk food. I see that as abusive. So should the government intervene on that too? Carbs strictly illegal? Anyone seen drinking coke before 10am gets a SS visit? Or what about smoking while pregnant? A baby is non consensually being attacked with smoke. Jail time for the mum? As pp have mentioned, various differing psychological methods (first time obedience! No punishments! Time outs! Natural logical Consequences!) all are against the grain for someone else. New laws for each of those? Who gets to decide?

Surely a better investment is in helping and supporting parents,teachers and children in building a respectful society.

if the thought of their children getting taken off them doesn’t stop them then the children should be taken off them for their own safety. It’s very black and white for me. Adults hitting children are adults assaulting children
Agree with this.

The first step is to stop hitting of children being seem as a norm in society. People will stop doing it in public, and good parents will not do it behind closed doors. If people cannot control themselves enough to stop hitting their children knowing that it may result in SS then they should not have children. Really is black and white.

And in reality no one will have their children taken off them for rough handling, they will be educated. In reality it takes a lot to have children taken off you. The many examples of children battered to death by parents know to the system shows that putting children into care is a last resort.

Willowy - because it stops parents having the 'choice' to hit.
How anyone can make this into a bad thing is beyond me. This world needs help.

If children are repeatedly squabbling over a game I may intervene and help them sort out ground rules - that would be a useful lesson in leaning to cooperate. If that fails then I will suggest they move on to a new activity.

To your children that would be considered a punishment to them. They would look to blame that's what siblings do. It was only me and my brother so not much to fight over we weren't rivals against each other. I have 3 girls close together in age when they get on its wonderful as soon as they bicker its the end of the world. Sometimes the best thing to do is to diffuse the situation and separate them. Wait until they carm down and then leave them to apologize and make up.

No they didn't see it as punishment.

In fact I had a conversation a month ago with my 17 yo DD about this very thing.

She doesn't feel that she was ever punished.

Squabbling is not pleasant. It will often suit children to have an adult come in and take control, release the tension, without admonishment and allow the kids to back down and exit the situation.

I don't see that as punishment.

Speakout,

You are ineffably smug. Maybe you have exceptionally compliant children, maybe they are so pandered to that they have no cause to complain.....who knows.

The reality is that most people punish their children, some are more honest about calling it punishment, others prefer to call it a ‘consequence’.

It is not ideal to smack but to conflate smacking with beating is to conflate the ‘naughty’ step with imprisoning a child in their room for a day.

There is a huge horror of smacking today which does not seem to be applied to other punishments (e.g removal of favourite toy) although, to the child, the latter may be far more traumatic.

It is merely fashion.

Agree with stupid laws like this bringing the law into disrepute.

Making laws you can't enforce is like making threats to kids that you are never going to carry out.

It makes you look silly and useless.

Agree. There are some nauseatingly smug parents on this thread.

And their posts are reinforcing my concerns about "slippery slope" stuff. Is using a raised voice or a sharp word going to be the next thing that gets declared illegal?

coconuttella yes there are natural consequences for behaviour, I don't see them as sanctions though. If children are repeatedly squabbling over a game I may intervene and help them sort out ground rules - that would be a useful lesson in leaning to cooperate. If that fails then I will suggest they move on to a new activity.

If helping or suggesting works to diffuse a situation then, I agree, that's not a punishment.... but if that fails and my suggestions are resisted, I might tell them to go and spend some time apart quietly, and come back when they can play in a more civilised manner. I am stopping them from doing what they wanted, and requiring that they abstain from certain activities. To me, this is a punishment, albeit a low grade one. I struggle to believe any children are so constantly well behaved that they respond positively to all your suggestions!

I don’t smack my dc but some of the replies on this thread have made me feel like I’m an awful incompetent parent. I just can’t imagine never enforcing a punishment/consequence, sometimes especially with my eldest, a time out for a few minutes is the only thing that works when they get themselves so worked up that there’s no reasoning with them and they need to calm down before we can have a rational conversation. Then again maybe it’s my fault that they get into that state in the first place, it certainly feels that way after reading this thread!

I like the law. However, it won't change a thing because those who currently smack will continue to do so, and those who don't will continue not smacking.

I smacked DS1 once when he was tiny. He ran away down the drive as we were leaving the house and into oncoming traffic. I caught him by the scruff of his neck as he was stepping into the road and, without even thinking, smacked his bottom. He was tiny. So tiny he still used reins some days. And I realised there and then that I'd lost control of myself and that I would never do it again. 12 years on I've not smacked again. If I feel myself getting frustrated I leave the room and switch with DH. I explain, I remind and I give consequences. But since then I never have - and never will - smack. It served no purpose that day but to scare DS1 into doing what I wanted and as a child who grew up in foster care, watching a parent lose control is a terrifying thing I don't want my own DCs to witness.

They're great, well-behaved and well-mannered DCs. Not smacking hasn't given them free rein to do whatever they please. They've simply worked out that doing the right thing and making good choices elicits better responses and feels better than making poor choices.

Fuck that Delete, frankly I never believe a single word of the MN parenting smuggery.

I literally just don't believe them :)

I smack on the hand occasionally.

Yeah it's not recommended parenting but meh, we all have off days.

And to go back to my much criticised use of the word 'tap'. I use it as it the best word I can use to describe what I have occasionally done. Given the 'smack' seems to be synonymous with 'beat' for some, then I stand by this. It's not something I routinely do... but I admit I've done it on a handful of occasions. I'm not especially proud of it, but neither am I racked with guilt. To emphasise my point, if I 'tapped' an adult in the way I have done occasionally to my children, whereas it may technically be regarded as assault, in reality no adult would press realistically charges it would have been so inconsequential! In terms of force it would have been equivalent to clapping your hands.

I think it's ok to smack if there is very bad behaviour, or to teach a child not to do something dangerous. A very occasional measure that acts as a strong and memorable message. We don't smack adults, but not are we responsible for bringing them up. If an adult behaves terribly, you can simply cut contact with them.

poppl just because you don't understand something doesn't mean it is not true.

Droogan- what about adults in your care? Or dogs? Presumably by that token it's OK to hit them?

I don't see the point of a tap. If you smack the point is it hurts

Hearing about some of the 'golden DC' and saintly parents on here is amazing /implausible and makes me realise what a load of absolute bollocks MN is at times. I've been on the planet more than 50 years and know/have known literally hundreds of families in that time and I've never, ever, ever met a family where children NEVER get some type of punishments, rewards, chastisements, treats (whatever you want to call it, I don't mean smacking btw) to aid behavour when they are 'naughty' (again - use your adjective of choice here, thoughtless, uncaring, disobedient, rude etc etc ). " Its almost laughable some of the stuff the smugsters have posted on here about their bizzarrly perfect children.

A quick process analysis of the turn this thread's taken:

Some people have said that they don't smack their children.

Other people have asked how they teach their children to behave, then.

The people who don't smack their children have taken the time to answer that question.

The people who smack their children have responded with a barrage of derision, personal attacks and don'tbelieveyous.

Ah, the internet

I have very occasionally lightly tapped a cat for urinating on the carpet. Animals are however less able to understand that they have done something wrong and are being punished for it.
Are you talking about adults with learning difficulties? I will act in accordance with the law. I don't think that the law should be changed in respect of Children.

My parents never used smacking as a punishment system, my dad because he views a bigger person hitting a smaller person as bullying. My mum because she didn't want to parent that way.
However I was smacked exactly 4 times as a child, and it wasn't a belt to the face it was a thwack to the back of the legs that shocked me more than hurt me, I remember every single occasion and it's because I was doing or on the verge of doing something monumentLly stupid or dangerous and my mum was terrified. she is not an awful abusive parent and she didn't lose her temper with us, it was a knee jerk response to a dangerous situation which stopped instantly due to us being so shocked as we had never been smacked. I wouldn't view that as any different to hauling a child out of the way of traffic by the arm if they ran into it, it stopped the dangerous behaviour.
Also most people are applying this to young children, what do you do when your teenage son (or brother in my case) is over 6 foot and your mother is a tiny little 5 foot nothing woman and he is in a rage over not being allowed to go to a party etc and starts being physical. Well my dad intervened and my brother swung for him (and missed) and my dad smacked him. My brother is bigger than my dad as well and more than capable of seriously hurting him, but he was under 16 and still legally a child.
I don't plan on smacking my children, just as my parents didn't, but sometimes things happen out of our control and things can happen. I can't say what my husband would do if we have a teenage son who tried to hit me, I don't think anyone should be persecuted for defending themselves even if it is from their child. However I think smacking as a general punishment system is poor as it just desensitises people and children to violence.

KatherinaMinola

*A quick process analysis of the turn this thread's taken:

Some people have said that they don't smack their children.

Other people have asked how they teach their children to behave, then.

The people who don't smack their children have taken the time to answer that question.

The people who smack their children have responded with a barrage of derision, personal attacks and don'tbelieveyous.

Ah, the internet smile*

X 100

Other people have asked how they teach their children to behave, then. The people who don't smack their children have taken the time to answer that question.

True but you posted a fairy tale of the good times and not the bad. Posters like coconut are asking for solutions. Many parents out there has tried those things and sometimes they work and on other occasions they don't. Mocking those parents is not going to help you don't know the challenges they face. I didn't ask how you did it another poster did and I thanked them on how thoughtful their post was. The poster was very genuine unlike yourself who is now mocking people. I don't see children as dogs who need training to piss and shit outside. My children are intelligent and have their own minds and can think for themselves.