Inappropriate interview question

[stretchmarkqueenie]

Looking to return to work after being a SAHM for a year after my mat leave ended. In a job interview yesterday the interviewer asked me 'do you like being a mum?' AIBU to feel this isn't appropriate? To put this into context the question didn't come from a chat about children, it was during competency based questioning about the job so I was quite taken a back.

I am feeling all nervous about returning to work so I don't know if I'm overreacting but it's just thrown me a little, I was in professional mode and there to talk about my skills and what I can bring to the company so wasn't expecting personal questions like that. Of course something like 'what are your childcare arrangements?' I could totally understand but this felt a bit probing!

I am always asked if i would like more children and what job my husband does - every bloody interview, no matter if it's male or female! Dont think they would ask a man those questions - what has it got to do with anything apart from them not giving me a job as I might go on maternity leave, or working out how much my husband earns and therefore can they get away with paying me less!

I am having interviews at the moment, so if they ask me again I will just wont answer - or ask the same questions back!

How did the interview flow before that question? Could he have been trying to loosen you up by (ham fistedly admittedly) leading you to talk about something non work related maybe? Trying to let you show your personality less formally? I've switched tack sometimes to get people talking and then I've seen the best in them.
Re childcare, it's a mine field - we've recruited for some roles with specific hours on the ads (for genuine reasons - needing the cover during those hours) and people haven't said they couldn't do them until second interview. Asking your hours of availability is sometimes necessary. We chat to plenty men about their children too. I was looking at a new father's 6 week old baby photos yesterday and taking into account he'll be picking her up from nursery once she starts, on Tuesdays and Fridays. Volunteered information from him. Not everyone is out to get you. Get feedback first and then decide if you think it's a discrimination case. If you're unsure, seek proper advice, not militant advice on here! Good luck with your next interviews.

I agree. In NHS interviews we HAVE to ask all candidates the SAME questions. We might use flexibility of hours as a question but I think that’s reasonable- unless your question about being a mum was an ice breaker type comment it shouldn’t allowed.

Asking if you enjoy being a Mum, is a strange thing to ask.

The Childcare question is one they're NOT allowed to ask. If an Employer does ask, you can remind them of the Equality and Diversity Act 2010.

My dh does the childcare. He has a great job and they knew he'd have to do the morning school run or work from home if dd was sick. I've brought it up in interview (as has he) because it's only fair they know it's a factor. In a competency based interview, it's actually asking about skills you've learnt in the past year or so (excellent organization and planning, ability to think on feet etc). It's almost a why are you leaving your current role type question too. Did you say that you'd be a SAHM? I would want to know why you wanted to go back to work. If youd been a SAH Dad, you would've answered the question with exactly the same answer but not been offended.

skincare, How did the interview flow before that question?

The OP has said that it didn't come from a chat about children but was, and I quote, 'during competency based questioning about the job'.

Every thread I ever see about maternity leave a minority of people have to come on and point out that small businesses do not pay maternity leave, and even big ones get most of it back. I understand there are costs associated with recruiting cover but there is no excuse not to employ women who might get pregnant. And Men can take paid paternity leave too! I hope all the terrible bosses described on this thread get their comeuppance and all their male employees take 6 months paternity.
www.gov.uk/recover-statutory-payments

Never mind inappropriate it’s a stupid question - who on earth would answer “actually no, it’s shit, I wish I’d never bothered having them.....”

(even if you thought it you’d never say it out loud to a stranger in an interview 😳)

I just wondered if it was going well or if it felt stilted or uncomfortable maybe. Competency based interviews can be awkward for some people, on both sides. I'm just not prepared to always assume the worst of everyone, that's all. I've been in really awkward, stilted interviews and, to get things flowing, I've looked at a CV and asked about the hobbies they've put on there or a specific course they've done to divert the stress a bit and then when we've got back on track, it's been a much more positive interview. Most interviewers want to get the best out of people not the worst. They want to make a hire. The feedback would be interesting.

It's also not appropriate to ask what you do in your spare time, far too much opening for possible discrimination.

I went to a civil service interview recently, where they have to follow a VERY rigid interview structure, and can't deviate into personal, non-relevant questions.
I was about as nervous as it is possible to be (interviews are my idea of hell) but the people doing it still managed to make me feel (comparably) at ease while keeping the questions relevant and to the point.
I definitely appreciated being able to spend the limited time in the interview focusing on what I had done, how I could prove my skills and why I wanted the job without fannying around trying to deflect awkward weird questions about my dc. Those questions wouldn't put me at ease, they would throw me off my stride.

Random off-topic chit chat is best saved for just before and just after the official interview, and even then there are topics which should be avoided.

Sounds like he doesn't really know what he's doing. There are plenty of people interviewing who haven't a clue!

It's very odd.

My DH is doing interviews at the moment and he would not ask about kids, childcare or anything not relevant to the actual job. He isn't even allowed to ask seemingly chatty questions such as 'how was your journey?' because if they say 'oh it took ages and 2 changes', then it might influence the interviewer not to hire as they might wrongly presume they'd get sick of commute and leave.

It is odd though as many have opined not inappropriate like you were asked your age.

It is more of a worry for small businesses methinks. Medium size + companies are aware of it & will not hire in many situations if they Believe there is a strong chance...
Of course it is not a crime to remove rings, dress “single”, etc.

Interviewing people for over half my life the most interesting answer I received to where do you see yourself in 5 years time, was from a young & hungry male graduate. He replied, “standing in your shoes.” I was 7 months pregnant!

Ah yeah i love the sitting at home waiting for the conservatives to starve us to death it's grand.

I mention my child (2.5 year old) on applications. I think that's fine & I need to, as i live in Wales & work in England. Not explaining I have a child, childcare responsibilities & therefore may need to prioritise him on ocassion is just as underhand as a male interviewer asking me. Some jobs I'm applying to have some eve / weekend work & i need flexi-working hours (8:30-4:30), etc. Plus i don't drive, so they need to know upfront...i tell them about my long-term health condition too.

Houghton I have mentioned my 2 not in applications but in interviews. At the end of the day any job I get has to fit round them so there’s no point in pretending they don’t exist. It hasn’t stopped me getting offered jobs but then I am in my mid 40s so any more maternity leave is not happening, how it would be if I was younger I don’t know.

inexperienced interviewer!! Trying to look the part but no idea what's she's doing..

I'd phone ACAS and give them a heads up about the copmpany.

Irrelevant and inappropriate, as is asking about childcare. In other circumstances they wouldn’t even know if you had children. I think of it ever happens again, it would be reasonable to ask ‘could you explain how that is relevant to the job role?’. I would feed back to them and be glad you dodged a bullet!

It's wrong.

Employers are supposed to ask everyone they are interviewing the same questions - they couldn't ask this of a man or a childless woman, so it's discrimination.

I was once asked if I had children by the Secretary walking me out after interview. I thought notging of it. It was for the local council and in total had 3 interviews for different jobs there. Was asked the same question each time and I questioned her on the third. I could tell by her flustered reaction that she was told to do this. Some innocent small talk questions are not that innocent.

I would definitely follow this up! It's at least potentially discriminatory, and it's certainly very poor practice. I think you may very well have been discriminated against here, and you should ask questions, ie was everyone who was interviewed asked these 2 questions, and did they have any bearing on the outcome. You probably dodged a bullet if that's the impression they give at interview. Ask if the successful candidate was male or female, and ask them to spell out what qualities/skills/experience s/he had that you didn't.

Having spoken to a friend (female) who interviews a lot, she says that that is a common question she uses for SAHM. They then start talking more and there are a lot of transferable skills you don't declare on the application form that you subconsciously begin to reveal.