Inappropriate interview question

[stretchmarkqueenie]

Looking to return to work after being a SAHM for a year after my mat leave ended. In a job interview yesterday the interviewer asked me 'do you like being a mum?' AIBU to feel this isn't appropriate? To put this into context the question didn't come from a chat about children, it was during competency based questioning about the job so I was quite taken a back.

I am feeling all nervous about returning to work so I don't know if I'm overreacting but it's just thrown me a little, I was in professional mode and there to talk about my skills and what I can bring to the company so wasn't expecting personal questions like that. Of course something like 'what are your childcare arrangements?' I could totally understand but this felt a bit probing!

How odd. Almost like he was stuck for something to say!

It's a stupid question! Besides, what are you gonna say-no?
I also think they shouldn't ask about childcare. How you organise your personal life is just not their business.
Would they fuck ask a man if he likes being a dad. Or about childcare - they would just assume he had a wife who took care of that.

Sorry you didn't get the job OP, but you will find something better.

Back in the day (1980s)my aunt was asked in an interview what her husband did. She was then told she didn't really need the job as her husband had a good salary!
I don't think we have come as far as we think- the discrimination is just more subtle.

Hmmmm very odd, and yeah a bit uncalled for IMO. So sorry to hear you never got the job anyway, but maybe it's for the best if this is the attitude of the manager!

And as has been said, would they have asked this of a man?! Probably not! Unless the job was involving looking after kids I can't imagine why this question would need to be asked.

I hope you find something soon that deserves you.

I don't think it's appropriate for the interviewer or interviewee to talk about children, or to mention them in CVs or application forms. Who brought up the subject of children?

Odd question to ask. Can't imagine a male being asked if he enjoyed being a Dad.
Good luck with the job hunt. Sounds like you're best out of there to be honest. As others have said I things it was probably a round about way it asking if you plan to have more children.

I don't think we need to jump to discrimination every time a man asks a woman about her children. Maybe OP appeared nervous and he was tossing her a bone whilst she re-composed. Maybe he's an impending father and excited about parenthood. Maybe he's just a bit crap at doing interviews. And maybe OP didn't get the job because she doesn't have the right skills, or gave a bad interview.

Presumably they knew she had chosen to have a career break to have kids and they still offered her an interview. If they were intending to discriminate against mother's they would be daft to even invite to interview when it's so easy not to. Why bring someone to interview and set yourself up for complaints of sexism?

It's the over reaction to these sort of scenarios where it becomes oh I didn't get a job because I am a woman/have children, rather than I just gave a shit interview, that masks ACTUAL discrimination.

Odd question to ask, and yes it's annoying when they ask about childcare etc as you can't just say "that's not an appropriate question" as you sound like hard work and then you won't get the job anyway!

I went for 3 interviews a few months back. All of them talked about the long hours, would I be prepared to work weekends, late evenings, get into the office half an hour early for meetings etc. I answered honestly that no, I wouldn't, because as a single mum I can't put that much into a job. Happy to work from home in the evenings if something is urgent, but I wouldn't be staying until 8pm because I have a family to feed.

They banged on about being a family friendly company because a lot of the young men who worked there had kids and wanted to be home in time for bed time sometimes because that's all it means to be a dad apparently, bedtime stories a few times a week and being out of the house all weekend.

One of them asked what my boyfriend thought about me getting a full time job having been self employed for the past 10 years. I was too shocked to point out how inappropriate it was to ask that and waffled on about him being supportive and understanding that if we were to ever move in together I would need to be working and earning well, and he would need to pick up the slack at home.

Needless to say, I didn't get any of the jobs, despite coming across well, being told I could do the job easily, was well presented and that people would like me and definitely buy from me.

Any organisation that claims equal opps does not ask about childcare arrangements because that is discriminatory - which seems to be the case here - as in "she's a mother & will take time off when kids are sick" and " he's a father that shows he's settled and dependable".... Guess who gets appointed? :(
You assume all candidates conduct their life outside work in a way that enables them to work. Potentially people who play eg contact sports will take more time off through injury!

Good post @Columbine1

Maybe the man didn't mean anything by it, and was just trying to be friendly and make conversation, but it wasn't great that he asked it.

And she didn't get the job after anyway!

Maybe the interviewer was just bring friendly...maybe his wife is pregnant. ..maybe he didn't have his weetabix...maybe he was having an episode of cognitive failure...
Yes, let's clutch all the straws and give him the benefit of the doubt, because discrimination against women is so unlikely bumblebees

Bumblesbees And maybe he was actively trying to discriminate against her. The point is, none of us can tell - the only thing we can tell is that he asked a question that would allow him to discriminate if he wanted to. That's why interviewers in institutions that take equality seriously do not ask these kinds of questions. Frankly it's also bad practice because he's opening his firm up to accusations unnecessarily even if he was just making small talk. It's just not appropriate in an interview situation.

I must admit I also thought 'I wonder if he's about to have a baby' myself, because it isn't the worst discrimination question I've ever heard. But the problem is that discrimination is endemic, and is still happening, and as a PP said has just become more subtle. So it's up to us to signal to candidates that we are taking it seriously by not asking stupid questions like this.

I would imagine the interviewer will,have had a rocket after you left asking that question.

I interviewed someone a number of years back who kept telling me about her childcare arrangements In answer to most of the questions asked about her competency to do the job. She didn’t get the job, rang and asked why, said was it because she was a mum returning to work. I told her no it was because she appeared to have no skills for the job apart from sorting out childcare arrangements ie her mum helping out. She took it rather badly.

Sorry they're not progressing your application, OP.

Massively inappropriate, both 'do you like being a mum?' and asking about childcare. I'd give feedback to the company and tell them that.

I think it was a fishing exercise to see what you were thinking about returning to work, future family plans etc. It's not a 'conversational topic', that's something like 'did you come far to get here?' or 'what did you think of the stormy weather' type thing.

Interviewers know they are not supposed to discriminate or fish for info, but they can't help themselves .

The person saying 'they are just making conversation', I could guarantee to you that no man returning to work after paternity leave and going for an interview will be asked 'how do you like being a dad?' , it'll all be about their competencies and suitability for the job.

I wouldn't even put a short mat leave on a CV for this reason, nor mention it at any stage. I just let them wonder about the gaps (most are too scared to ask).

I'm currently in the position where if I go for an interview, it's much more of a two way street because I like my current role. FWIW I would definitely give feedback about questions like this, and might even question them about it in the interview, depending on the circumstances, on the grounds that I don't want to work somewhere that asks questions like this.

But most people are not in my currently lucky position and have to put up with shit like this: that's how interviewers get away with the fishing that Summer has outlined.

Do you like being a Mum?
I think the interviewer skirted just the right side of law here. It is odd, agreed, but an opportunity to give a big smile, tell them it's done wonders for your organisational abilities, and emphasise how excited you are to get back to work.

As the only question related to the subject of your children, I'd have let it slide. But...

What are your childcare arrangements?
Illegal. I'd report this (having refused to answer).

Which casts doubt on the potentially benign nature of the first question.

Feedme I hope you have some better luck. Good for you being honest. FWIW my DH turned down a job that demanded a lot of extra hours when our children were little, because he/we couldn't commit that much. Best decision we ever made. He found a job that was closer to 9-5 and trailblazed flexible working there. Not all employers demand evenings and weekends.

You could consider reframing your answer a bit - yes I can do some evenings. I'll need a chunk of time in the middle perhaps but with the right IT to enable remote working, and a structured approach to the shared task (clearly defined subtasks etc), I have successfully collaborated with colleagues against tight deadlines etc. But only do that if you are prepared to do the extra hours.

I'd understand that question to mean 'are you going to have more children?'. Especially if you have one child and they know this.

I think the thinking is 'likes being a Mum? Bound to want more children.'

Stupid question though, if that is the intention, as no-one is going to admit to hating being a Mum and wanting to spend as little time with their DCs and as much time at work as possible! Nor are they going to say 'well it's ok, I love it with one child but enough is enough'.

Which suggests to me that it was a no win question, poorly thought through because they didn't really care about the answer. More of a statement on the questioner's part that they don't want to employ someone who might possibly want to take maternity leave.

No one is going to say I hate being a Mum are they?

Totally inappropriate.

Definitely inappropriate.

I was once asked in an interview whether I liked kittens. The job was nothing to do with animals and I had made no references to animals/pets. I didn't get the job!

I wouldn't ask that in an interview, nor would I ask a man if he enjoyed being a dad. It's a stupid question which has potential to raise equality questions even if it was simply small talk and it's totally pointless as what kind of person is going to say no?

YANBU.
Its weird, unprofessional and inappropriate.

Maybe, he was just asking for innocent reasons - which makes him not very good at conducting interviews, tbh. Especially as it happened in the section on competency - why waste time on bullshit like that when you could be probing the candidate about their actual COMPETENCIES which are, y'know, relevant to the job?

Or, he knew exactly what he was doing and worded his question in a very specific way to get around legal restrictions on asking people about childcare in an interview.

"I am feeling all nervous about returning to work so I don't know if I'm overreacting but it's just thrown me a little, I was in professional mode and there to talk about my skills and what I can bring to the company ...."

I really feel for you here. Of course you wanted to talk about your skills etc - we often invest a lot of time preparing for interviews and it is galling to think that instead of being assessed on the relevant stuff, someone like this man could form their opinion based on an answer to a stupid question like this. Not saying this is what happened, but you'll never know - that's why this kind of question shouldn't be asked, companies need to do what they can to make sure there is no perception of discrimination as well as no actual discrimination.

OP Sorry you didn’t get the job & to me the fact that he also asked about childcare does suggest he was asking a discriminatory question.

Years ago I was applying for GP partnerships & experienced such discrimination from both men & women.

I asked one man outright if he was really looking for a man & he replied that since I had been honest yes he really wanted a man cos I might go off on maternity leave & he needed someone to “carry him through to retirement” (just the 2 of us in the room). He had just brought me to interview at cost to myself as a ‘tick box exercise’.

A female G.P. at another interview asked my marital status (single at the time) & wanted to know what I would do if I met someone who wanted to work in London! I did answer that I was committed to the area before a male partner said the question should not have been asked.

Another practise employed the male candidate & I later found out from the female part-time partner that his wife hated living in a rural area & he had tended his resignation & they now wanted me! (I didn’t bite). I bet they did not consider asking him at interview what he would do if his wife did not like the area!

It is horrible. There is still discrimination but more subtle as others have said but don’t give up.Try not to let this knock you back but keep applying & go in there with confidence. to you to feedme and others who have experienced this.