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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if I'm over-feeding my daughter?

106 replies

RogerThatOver · 17/10/2017 22:12

DD is 10 and her best friend is super skinny. Apparently some other 'friends' have been comparing them and referring to DD as her 'fat friend' Angry I spoke to her best friends mum about this in passing and she said something about perhaps it's because they see how much lunch DD has compared to them. When pressed, she said DDs lunch was 3x the side of everyone else's (she works as a dinner lady at their school.)

Today, DD had:

A wholemeal ham sandwich with two slices of bread
3 slices of cucumber
Carrot sticks
A Frube
Some chicken breast
Strawberries and grapes
4 x tuc crackers
A custard cream

Her friends mum said most children have sandwiches and crisps only so I can see how her lunch looks big, but it isn't unhealthy so I don't see the issue - or am I missing something? She was going straight to a netball tounament after school until 6 and only had a banana for breakfast so I think she would be starving if she only had a sandwich and crispsfor lunch. For dinner she had 4 meatballs, pasta, salad and a slice of garlic bread followed by pineapple and custard.

What do you think, is it too much for an active 10 year old?

OP posts:
Tilapia · 18/10/2017 06:56

I think that her total amount of food throughout the day sounds fine. It’s no worse than a child who has a smaller lunch but more snacks. Carry on as you are, OP. And maybe have a word with her teacher about the unkind comments to try and get that nipped in the bud.

maddiemookins16mum · 18/10/2017 07:02

It looks a lot as there are a fair few different things.

HighwayDragon1 · 18/10/2017 07:05

DD is 7 and gets
A roll (usually ham)
Small orange
Small apple
Raisins
Grapes
Little pot of cheese biscuit things
Pepperami
Yogurt drink
Brioche/cupcake/biscuit
That does her from 8am - 5pm (when she's picked up from the childminders) she does also does 7 hours of sport a week, plus 2x pe lessons, the walk back from school, football at playtime. She's on the low side of normal for her age weight wise.

Get her weighed, you can't tell by looking.

MiniCooperLover · 18/10/2017 07:06

I think there is too much there but I’m more worried that the dinnerlady thought a sandwich and crisps was better? A lot of your daughters box is healthy but I’d skip the biscuits

megletthesecond · 18/10/2017 07:13

It's a larger lunch than mine would have , although they only have packed lunch on school trips. It's usually school dinners.

Tbh you need to weigh and measure her to be fairly sure she's where she should be.

KalaLaka · 18/10/2017 07:19

My ten year olds eat a massive tea when they get home. Nearly adult portion. You can't just look at lunch, look at the whole day.

That lunch is not bad at all. I'd cut the frube and tuc.

Having said that, I wouldn't do it at the expense of her self esteem if she's hearing horrible things from her peers. That would be so much worse. My focus would be on that right now.

MamaOfTwos · 18/10/2017 07:22

Too much food
She'll eat it if you provide, remove Tuc crackers
Then remove frube
You should ask someone who's an honest friend if your child looks overweight as parents are always the last to see it and you don't want to be encouraging a problem

Fruitcocktail6 · 18/10/2017 07:26

Ds is 10yo and has a big appetite for his age and is pretty active.
He has in a packed lunch.
A jam sandwich (2 slices of bread)
1 packet of crisps he doesn't always eat.
1 piece of fruit (either a satsuma, a few grapes or a tomato)
1 cake
1 bottle of water

Why not just send him in with a bag of sugar instead?

Ktown · 18/10/2017 07:29

The kids are mean.
But that lunch is big even if she was an adult.
Plus the crackers, biscuit and frubes have no nutritional value and are unhealthy.

KikisDeliveryService · 18/10/2017 07:57

Although it does seem a lot in one sitting, if she’s only having a small breakfast, no break time snack and no after school snack then it balances out. Some schools of thought say this is a healthier way to eat that grazing throughout the day.

Your DD sounds brilliantly energetic and enthusiastic (I can’t get my DS2 interested in anything extra curricular) so I would stop worrying about her diet and exercise and be more concerned that her ‘friends’ are using unkind language about her.

cornerstoned · 18/10/2017 08:00

I spoke to her best friends mum about this in passing and she said something about perhaps it's because they see how much lunch DD has compared to them.

reading between the line it sounds as if this mum agrees that your DD is overweight.

Could it be that your Dd's weight it indeed not healthy? If this is the case I would look at both portions sizes and incredients. she seems to have a lot of sugary and carb heavy stuff with very little nutritional content.

BlueButTrue · 18/10/2017 08:07

Have you checked her bmi ?

As someone working in healthcare, we now take BMI with a very heavy pinch of salt

saoirse31 · 18/10/2017 08:33

I'd actually wonder how it did has enough time to eat all that at school lunchtime. My v unscientific recollections are that most kids wouldn't have time to eat all that. Prob mainly cos they're more interested on getting out to yard to play.

It seems an awful lot to me, why ham and chicken, - cut the processed till its urgh ham out. Why crackers, frube and biscuit?? Would one of these and preferably something healthier not do?

Is she cramming it all on to get it all eaten? Foes she feel she had to eat all in box? Is she actually overweight?

saoirse31 · 18/10/2017 08:34

Your dd not it did...

saoirse31 · 18/10/2017 08:36

You poss should try to get her eating breakfast , over time. I'd also weigh her, why wouldn't you?

EllaHen · 18/10/2017 08:39

I'm another who thinks it's too much. Especially if she never leaves any of it.

My kids can fair put it away but they self regulate so often leave food if they are full.

kaytee87 · 18/10/2017 08:39

It is a huge lunch, I couldn’t finish it. I’d weigh her and if she’s a healthy bmi don’t worry about it. Could maybe lose the frube and custard cream tbh.

EllaHen · 18/10/2017 08:41

I don't weigh my kids. I can see that they are skinny. They won't be light though as the sport they do means they are muscly.

kaytee87 · 18/10/2017 08:52

ella you’re not worried if you’re overfeeding your kids though, op is so it might put her mind at rest.

My toddler sometimes eats more than me but I can see his ribs when he lifts his arms and he looks slim so I’m not worried. If I was worried I’d weigh him.

FeralBeryl · 18/10/2017 08:55

It does seem rather a lot, but as others say-it depends on portion size.
The trouble is she’s not having enough breakfast,
I sympathise as I’m not a breakfaster either not is youngest DC, it means we’re both hungry late morning.

Would she consider porridge with her banana at breakfast? Or eggs? Something to keep her a bit filled up for longer.

The main point obviously is that no one should be commenting on her weight or contents of her lunch.
On the days where mine have sports immediately after school, we do hot dinners in the hope that a bigger meal will tide them over. It seems to work quite well, plus they have a smaller ‘lunch’ type meal those days in the evening then.

Coconutspongexo · 18/10/2017 08:59

I'd be pissed off that the 'best friends' mum hasn't said she will have a word with her daughter about commenting on other kids weight!

Have any HCPs ever been concerned about her weight? (Haven't RTFT)

MulberryMoon · 18/10/2017 09:02

Four items would be enough but I'd have a word with the teacher about the bloody rude kids calling her the fat friend.

inthekitchensink · 18/10/2017 09:03

That sounds like the amount of lunch in the packed lunches at my nursery which is pretty shocking at that age. Axe the biscuits and the frube and it’s fine.

MulberryMoon · 18/10/2017 09:05

10 is well old enough to know not to call people rude names. You wonder if some people don't bother to bring their kids up not to say rude things like that about people.

userabcname · 18/10/2017 09:06

I think that sounds fine. She is active and over the course of a day sounds like she is eating a good amount. When I was at school, I had a sandwhich, 2xfruit and penguin bar. I was one of the fattest. My best friend had a huge packed lunch (sandwhich, fruit, yoghurt, veg sticks, cheesestring, cake...I was fascinated by his lunch!) and he was skinny. Difference was, he was very active while I was a couch potato. As others have said, if she looks a healthy weight then don't worry.