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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if I'm over-feeding my daughter?

106 replies

RogerThatOver · 17/10/2017 22:12

DD is 10 and her best friend is super skinny. Apparently some other 'friends' have been comparing them and referring to DD as her 'fat friend' Angry I spoke to her best friends mum about this in passing and she said something about perhaps it's because they see how much lunch DD has compared to them. When pressed, she said DDs lunch was 3x the side of everyone else's (she works as a dinner lady at their school.)

Today, DD had:

A wholemeal ham sandwich with two slices of bread
3 slices of cucumber
Carrot sticks
A Frube
Some chicken breast
Strawberries and grapes
4 x tuc crackers
A custard cream

Her friends mum said most children have sandwiches and crisps only so I can see how her lunch looks big, but it isn't unhealthy so I don't see the issue - or am I missing something? She was going straight to a netball tounament after school until 6 and only had a banana for breakfast so I think she would be starving if she only had a sandwich and crispsfor lunch. For dinner she had 4 meatballs, pasta, salad and a slice of garlic bread followed by pineapple and custard.

What do you think, is it too much for an active 10 year old?

OP posts:
Original poster
RogerThatOver · 17/10/2017 22:32

She drinks a bottle of water with it. Netball was immediately after school so no time for a snack then. She will only really eat fruit for breakfast as she doesn't get hungry until mid morning. I wouldnt be fussed if she left any, but she doesn't. I don't own scales but she looks fine. She wears the right clothes for her age and does 7 hours of exercise in clubs per week plus walking a couple of miles each day on the school run and any additional exercise like dog walking, bike riding, soft play and so on.

OP posts:
Namechangetempissue · 17/10/2017 22:32

That is a massive lunch in my opinion -and I have a ten year old son with a huge appetite who would struggle to eat all of that in the time given for lunch.
DS has
a sandwich or main like pasta salad, a samosa, sushi
Veg sticks or fruit pot
A cake or biscuit

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 17/10/2017 22:34

That does seem like lots, tbh. DS (10) had a wrap with cream cheese, a kiwi, some cucumber slices and a snack packet of biscuits (3 small digestives). He took some dates for a breaktime snack.
Was some of your DD's lunch intended as an afternoon snack before netball? If DS was doing football after school, I'd pack him extra. What she's had over the course of the day doesn't seem like a huge amount really, especially if she was doing sport for a couple of hours...but taken in isolation the lunch does look large.

xyzandabc · 17/10/2017 22:35

That looks like lunch, plus after school snack plus a bit extra.

Ham sandwich OR chicken, not both.
Crackers OR Biscuit, not both.
Cucumber/carrot OR grapes/strawberries, not both.

Mine have 4 things in a lunch box, it's not the healthiest and only 1 of my 3 will polish off everything, the other 2 will always bring something or even 2 things home again.

1.Sandwich OR sausage roll OR wrap
2.A piece of fruit OR veg
3.Mini Cheddars OR crisps OR cereal bar OR yoghurt

  1. Another item from no. 2 or no.3

So some days they might end up with 2 x fruit/veg, some days they might end up with crisps and a cereal bar. Just depends what we've got in.

ElizabethShaw · 17/10/2017 22:35

Sandwich, fruit and veg and the yoghurt or biscuit sounds like a standard lunch to me.

ginteresting · 17/10/2017 22:35

I think everything individually sounds fine, it does sound a lot in the sense of a lot of individual things to eat in the short amount of time they get to eat it. Some mumsnetters take great pride in how they portion their children's diets so rigidly, I can't help but think they project their own food issues on their kids. Unless she's overweight, in which case you are over feeding her, i wouldnt worry

grumpysquash3 · 17/10/2017 22:36

OP, if the lunch is 3x that of other kids, what do the other kids have?
I could understand cutting out the biscuits and frube, but the other stuff is ok. Do other kids just have half a sandwich and barely anything else?

At 10 my DS used to have a ham and cheese wrap, sometimes a small pack of crisps, some cucumber, and a Club biscuit or similar.

Why are they calling her the 'fat friend'? Is she actually fat? Importantly do you think something needs to change or are you responding to your DD's peer pressure?

BumWad · 17/10/2017 22:38

I think that’s quite a big lunch

SimultaneousEquation · 17/10/2017 22:38

My 10yo has a sandwich, packet of crisps and a banana. If I put in a cereal bar then one of the other things will come home unfinished.

Thirtyrock39 · 17/10/2017 22:42

Yes it sounds a lot. I think you need to gradually try and increase what she has for breakfast and reduce the lunch . Portion size is really important and it's not great to have such a small amount of food for breakfast. My kids when they have pack ups (don't give them pack ups much as so much get wasted) it's a sandwich, piece of fruit and crisps and there is always stuff left. And school dinners are actually in kid size portions with the sectioned plates.

ILoveDolly · 17/10/2017 22:43

I think it sounds a bit big. Maybe not the chicken and crackers too. At their age those extra calories will count for quite a lot. I agree she needs to eat plenty if she's active all day, but perhaps spread the food out by giving a larger breakfast.

redsunstorm · 17/10/2017 22:45

Hi, can I just add another perspective.
Your ten year olds diet is fine if she's happy with it and is of normal / average weight.
I developed anorexia at 11 due to a food obsessed/ diet addict mum. My dad was brilliant and would feed me the things he had as a child...dripping on toast, tinned pilchards, corned beef, roast lAmb etc....i loved being with him and was always only aware of food =calories =fat through my mum. Because of the diet talk, I became conscious of my weight and now am 40 yrs old and going through anorexia but trying my hardest to recover.
Basically...you're r doing fine! Smile

ShoesHaveSouls · 17/10/2017 22:47

That is about the twice the size of a lunch I'd give DD(9).

DD would have the sandwich, maybe a yoghurt, some carrot sticks or apple slices. Possibly a 2 finger kitkat as well.

She does have an after school snack. She's very slim.

Original poster
RogerThatOver · 17/10/2017 22:48

She won't eat a bigger breakfast as she just isn't hungry then. I don't get how spreading the food out to cover breakfast and after school snack would help? She'd still be consuming the same amount over the day Confused

OP posts:
redsunstorm · 17/10/2017 22:51

And just something else (from my experience) no need to weigh her. Whatever people are saying, she doesn't need to be. It easily because an obsession.

Whatshouldmyusernamebe · 17/10/2017 22:54

My daughter is 10 in a week she takes a sandwich, some fruit, a cereal bar and crisps or breadsticks. That does sound a lot.

MadgeMak · 17/10/2017 22:56

Surprised at people saying it’s too much. My 6 year old has a ham sandwich, a yogurt, some strawberries and grapes, a couple of breadsticks or rice cakes and a bit of carrot. She also has some cheese and crackers as a mid morning snack.

TheCowWentMoo · 17/10/2017 23:02

Is she a healthy weight? If so she's eating fine, that might just be the eating pattern that works for her. You could probably loose the tuc crackers or the custard cream if you felt it was too much for her.

Calling someone the fat friend is never okay, irrelevent if they are overweight or eat too much or not, its pretty shit for an adult to justify bullying like that

LML83 · 17/10/2017 23:02

the lunch is fine. If she was overweight I would cut back but if she is not I would leave it.

The issue is friends calling her fat, boost her self esteem don't change her eating or she will believe there is truth in it. Speak to school of needed.

And the mum who mentioned her lunch is outrageous who cares why 'friend' might say that it is unacceptable. Maybe she is sensitive about her DD being called skinny?

Hope DD is ok.

BrutusMcDogface · 17/10/2017 23:04

It does sound like a lot, but as others have said, if she's the correct weight and height for her age (you've said she's active and wears appropriately sized clothing, so.....) then let her crack on.

What does she eat for dinner?

My 8 yo has wholeneal sandwich (two slices, with cheese and cucumber) then she'll have extra cucumber/carrot, two portions of fruit, then sometimes a drinking yoghurt or a other snacky item. She has an appetite like a horse but is athletic.

Namechangetempissue · 17/10/2017 23:05

Does she actually manage to finish in time to go out and play? I would genuinely struggle to finish a lunch that size, let alone eat it in the time available. I would worry she was cramming it all in as fast as possible.

RavingRoo · 17/10/2017 23:06

I’m an active adult. The portions you described is what I have across breakfast, lunch and all my snacks. She’s definitely eating too much. It’s easy to get caught up in ‘healthy eating’ and forget that natural sugar is still sugar, and all the extras you give her probably amount to the same calories as 3 bags of crisps.

BrutusMcDogface · 17/10/2017 23:07

I totally agree that nobody should be mocking her for the food she eats, and that dinner lady is being highly inappropriate. Angry

pasturesgreen · 17/10/2017 23:08

Sounds like quite a lot . Also the dinner you describe is pretty carb heavy, there's no need to have pasta AND bread in the same meal.

Tortycat · 17/10/2017 23:08

That sounds fine to me. In fact I'm worrying as today my 1yr old had
Humous sandwich with 2 slices wholemeal bread
Fun size banana
Chunk of cucumber
Quorn cocktail sausage
Some 'carrot stick' crisps...

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