Did I commit some sort of friendship faux pas?

[QuackQuackDuck]

Situation is this. I'm part of a group of mums that all meet up regularly. We didn't all know each other when we got together but we all knew the organizer through one thing or another. There's 20 of us in the group with children ranging from 8 years to newborn - all of us have 1 child but some of us have as many as 6. We meet once a month or so although not everyone attends every month.

The organizer decided to run a competition to win a prize. The prize was paid for by her (the organizer), it was quite expensive a pamper box with bath stuff and makeup, a meal for 2 in a local restaurant (childcare thrown in by the organizer) and some treats for the kids; a colouring book, some small £land toys and some haribos. The competition was basically every one in the group nominating 3 other mums who we thought deserves the treat.

I thought hard about my nominations, and decided to go for a lady who lost her son to cancer after a year long battle with the disease and has 4 other children at home including the twin of the boy she lost as I felt she deserves a treat, a friend of mine who I know is struggling to conceive her 2nd child who needs a break and my last nomination went to a lady I don't know well but is always kind to me. Votes were done anonymously through Facebook messenger by the organizer only.

I actually won the competition, apparently people felt I've had a tough year with my extra needs daughter, with limited help as my husband also has health issues and family can't/won't help much.

I didn't feel I deserved the prize, I'm just a normal mum doing what I have to for my child. I decided to give the price to the first mum I nominated but she insisted I take the toys, sweets and colouring things for my DD. I didn't tell anyone I'd given her the prize or that we'd shared it (this mum came 2nd according to the organizer)

Now 2 of the mums in the group won't speak to me, when I asked them why they're ignoring me they tell me they're not but they're obviously snubbing me; won't talk directly to me unless they have to, refuse to make/buy me a drink but make/buy for everyone else in the group, deliberately sit with their backs to me. Neither of these women were mums I nominated, and I don't know where/if they were even in the rankings for the competition. My DD is the same age (2) as one of these womens children, but the other children are either much older or much younger.

Have I committed some sort of faux pas? was I meant to share the prize with everyone?

Sounds more like these women nominated YOU and by giving the prize to someone else you have:

• shown that you disagree with their choice
• turned it from "the person with the most votes gets the prize" into "the person with the most votes gets to choose who gets the prize"
• made it clear that you think your opinion trumps theirs
• turned yourself effectively into the competition organiser

You are obviously a kind person and had the best intentions but I am cringing!

I disagree Balloon. OP chose to share her prize...it's the nice thing to do! My DD won the Easter Bonnet Parade once...she shared the prize..an easter egg, with her two friends.

I was proud of her!

OP you sound lovely but the whole concept is a bit odd tbh

I vote for MLM too. This isn’t something people do in normal friendships groups.

I agree with PPs - a competition like this is bound to create animosity and resentment. It's not your fault, though, and what you did was absolutely lovely. Whatever problem these women have, they are behaving incredibly childishly, in a way that lacks all social grace. It's very hurtful, but the only thing you can do is to ignore it.

Agree with other posts.

You did a nice thing, but the whole situation is odd. Of course those who didn't win will get annoyed - it's almost like stealth boasting on who's got the worse problems imo.

I think SavoyCabbage has a point - your 'leader' now has a lot of background information on all of you, mostly information that shows just exactly how vulnerable each one of you is - be it lack of support, bereavement, multiple caring responsibilities or depression/mental illness. If this 'leader' didn't have the wherewithal to manipulate each one of you, they certainly do now. To hell with the women ignoring you, I'd get out of there entirely and be running for the hills, changing my contact details on the way.

I can't actually believe anybody would be so foolish as to participate in such a thing - but then I'm old and perhaps don't understand how friendships work anymore.

I'm really curious how this group came about. What does the 'leader' get out of it. I think PP is right and it's probably MLM.

To be honest was thinking some kind of church group, but MLM also makes sense.

My friend is heavily involved with an intense church group and I could imagine them doing something like this!

I think it’s fine if slightly quirky. You were kind to share your prize. It sounds like you’re all open about your difficult times anyway and it’s nice to look after each other. Ignore the people who ignore. Not worth your time and they will have a load of personal hang ups