Did I commit some sort of friendship faux pas?

[QuackQuackDuck]

Situation is this. I'm part of a group of mums that all meet up regularly. We didn't all know each other when we got together but we all knew the organizer through one thing or another. There's 20 of us in the group with children ranging from 8 years to newborn - all of us have 1 child but some of us have as many as 6. We meet once a month or so although not everyone attends every month.

The organizer decided to run a competition to win a prize. The prize was paid for by her (the organizer), it was quite expensive a pamper box with bath stuff and makeup, a meal for 2 in a local restaurant (childcare thrown in by the organizer) and some treats for the kids; a colouring book, some small £land toys and some haribos. The competition was basically every one in the group nominating 3 other mums who we thought deserves the treat.

I thought hard about my nominations, and decided to go for a lady who lost her son to cancer after a year long battle with the disease and has 4 other children at home including the twin of the boy she lost as I felt she deserves a treat, a friend of mine who I know is struggling to conceive her 2nd child who needs a break and my last nomination went to a lady I don't know well but is always kind to me. Votes were done anonymously through Facebook messenger by the organizer only.

I actually won the competition, apparently people felt I've had a tough year with my extra needs daughter, with limited help as my husband also has health issues and family can't/won't help much.

I didn't feel I deserved the prize, I'm just a normal mum doing what I have to for my child. I decided to give the price to the first mum I nominated but she insisted I take the toys, sweets and colouring things for my DD. I didn't tell anyone I'd given her the prize or that we'd shared it (this mum came 2nd according to the organizer)

Now 2 of the mums in the group won't speak to me, when I asked them why they're ignoring me they tell me they're not but they're obviously snubbing me; won't talk directly to me unless they have to, refuse to make/buy me a drink but make/buy for everyone else in the group, deliberately sit with their backs to me. Neither of these women were mums I nominated, and I don't know where/if they were even in the rankings for the competition. My DD is the same age (2) as one of these womens children, but the other children are either much older or much younger.

Have I committed some sort of faux pas? was I meant to share the prize with everyone?

You won the prize then gave it to someone else because you didn't think you deserved the prize because your life isn't harder than someone else life.

I think the women who are ignoring you must have voted for you and now feel they shouldn't have bothered because you gave the prize away.

But its the strangest thing I've ever heard to be honest, is it a friendship group or a support group?

Well since you never disclosed that you had shared the prize, I can't see why they felt you had snubbed them. I think it's more likely to be that they just didn't feel you were worthy of being the 'winner'.....people are strange, some may have thought that you played a pity card and your win wasn't deserved...who knows what they are thinking. But I think you have two choices. The first one is to decide that any grown women acting like 6 year olds simply are not worth your friendship and to ignore this silliness. Or you ask to have a quiet word with them and have it out with them. When they deny that their behaviour has changed and that they are being passively unpleasant - point out what you did here. Explain the rudeness that suddenly they blank you, make everyone a drink but deliberately cut you out....and ask them why they are behaving in such a silly way. Ask if there is something they want to discuss and get off their chests or want to resolve. If they say no and continue with this behaviour either shrug it off as their loss or speak to the organiser.
If it turns out the lady you gave away some of your winnings too did let on to a few people what you had done, speak to the organiser and explain even though you really did appreciate the gesture and the support of the group, this was something you chose to do because you felt this particular lady needed it more than you did. Its called having empathy for others....being a Christian.....putting others before yourself. When done with kindness and sincerity, its never a bad thing.

Life is short and life can be hard. Never feel you have to put up with people who bring your mood down or make your life harder than it needs to be. Cut them loose and spend time with those who bring positivity and smiles to your day :)

Ah feck yes of course bloody MLM crap

Having a competition between a group of friends is just plain bizarre tbh.

You sound lovely and those mums being mean to you don't deserve a friend like you. Ignore them, they're not worth it. Life's too short. Concentrate on your proper friends, it sounds like you have plenty, you don't need the mean ones. for you

Yes _ a faux pas - must have come across that you were rejecting the group’s generosity’s

I would just ignore those nasty bitches right back.
It's awful when you know there is something wrong and then people who are supposed to be friends deny it, then carry on being horrible.!
And,I would say in a loud voice ' Yes, XY and Z are not including me in this group anymore, they don't make me a drink and they ignore me and try to make me feel uncomfortable. I have asked them why but they won't tell me". Put them in the uncomfortable seat and see what the rest of the group think of their bullying bloody passive aggressive behaviour. Shame them.

Very strange. It’s like a weird popularity contest for who’s got the worst life

The women might not know that you gave the prize to the other woman, they’re probably pissed off with you because you won a prize that they wanted, or rather they wanted other people to feel like they deserved it.

Ignore them. And don’t offer to make them drinks either.

Sounds awful. Nothing more than a popularity contest really. Can't say I'd want to have any part of something like that so really wouldn't give a fuck what reaction my 'friends' had

Unfortunately I've seen a couple of similar things in a trashy magazine. One competition was to win a free/paid-for wedding, people would write in with all sorts of sob stories e.g. "my partner overcame cancer/we lost everything in a fire" or whatever and a winner was picked. It just seemed fucking awful to me, really brought home how exploitative these types of magazines are. I think there was another, similar type of competition to win something else; might've been money towards IVF or something, which is even more horrific now I think about it...

Don’t read too much into it. Some people are just horrid without reason. It’s likely they reflect all the crap that’s going on in their own lives on to others.

It clearly isn’t a popularity contest. Most people are capable of working out who needs extra support or TLC

I wouldn’t be passive aggressive. I would however chat to the others about the girls behaviour. You’ll probably discover they are stressed or ill or depressed. It most likely isn’t personal. And if by any small chance it is, would you really want to be their friends?

What a horrible idea for a competition.

Assuming it was genuine and not a ruse to give you stuff, just because you didn't tell anyone that you'd shared the prize, doesn't mean the other mum you shared it with didn't spill the beans. The other women may be shitty because you didn't share it with them (or the entire group) as well.

I also thought this sounds like a MLM group.

OP speaks of "the organizer" rather than "X" which is what you'd say if these women were just mates.

"Hannah organises our meetings usually..."

What's MLM?

Agree whole set up seems weird, but...

OP says she donated prize but didn't tell anyone. Does that mean the rest of the group assume she won it? Or do the rest of the group think the person in 2nd place won?

If the former, do they think you have taken prize but not talked about it or shown any gratitude? That's the only thing I can think of that explains their actions.

MLM: multi level marketing. Aka pyramid scheme.

It sounds like a bizarre contest which would inevitably generate fall-outs and ill feeling but I would hazard a guess that the other women were shocked that the bereaved mother didn't win and don't realise that you gave her the prize. I would have expected the contest to have been a way to give that woman a present really and maybe they assumed that was it as well. The whole idea has disaster written all over it though!

They’re dicks. You won and what you (very, very generously) do with YOUR possessions is up to you.

Mean ✅
Jealous ✅
Nasty ✅
Bitches ✅

It’s like bingo every time a thread about friendship comes up. Would some of you listen to yourselves ffs?!

Dicks ✅

You all sound as if you've been through so much already and now people are snubbing you? thats really horrible and you sound lovely.
what a horrible situation to be in.
If it were me, i would probably end up leaving the group as I couldnt bear around such petty people when I had enough on my plate as it is.

The faux pas you committed was rejecting their generosity.

It feels good to give a present. Especially to someone you feel deserves it. And you took that from them with some, what they probably see as, annoying virtue-signalling.

It’s a crazy Facebookesque idea, and can’t fail to make people feel bad about themselves.

Sounds like an excellent way for your leader to get a whole load of gossipy information about how you all feel about each other.

I nominate Fiona because although she looks like she’s got it all together, she’s actually a hoarder and her house is full to the brim of custard jugs and every Ikea catalogue since the eighties.

I nominate Lucy because her marriage is in trouble.