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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I commit some sort of friendship faux pas?

85 replies

QuackQuackDuck · 17/10/2017 21:47

Situation is this. I'm part of a group of mums that all meet up regularly. We didn't all know each other when we got together but we all knew the organizer through one thing or another. There's 20 of us in the group with children ranging from 8 years to newborn - all of us have 1 child but some of us have as many as 6. We meet once a month or so although not everyone attends every month.

The organizer decided to run a competition to win a prize. The prize was paid for by her (the organizer), it was quite expensive a pamper box with bath stuff and makeup, a meal for 2 in a local restaurant (childcare thrown in by the organizer) and some treats for the kids; a colouring book, some small £land toys and some haribos. The competition was basically every one in the group nominating 3 other mums who we thought deserves the treat.

I thought hard about my nominations, and decided to go for a lady who lost her son to cancer after a year long battle with the disease and has 4 other children at home including the twin of the boy she lost as I felt she deserves a treat, a friend of mine who I know is struggling to conceive her 2nd child who needs a break and my last nomination went to a lady I don't know well but is always kind to me. Votes were done anonymously through Facebook messenger by the organizer only.

I actually won the competition, apparently people felt I've had a tough year with my extra needs daughter, with limited help as my husband also has health issues and family can't/won't help much.

I didn't feel I deserved the prize, I'm just a normal mum doing what I have to for my child. I decided to give the price to the first mum I nominated but she insisted I take the toys, sweets and colouring things for my DD. I didn't tell anyone I'd given her the prize or that we'd shared it (this mum came 2nd according to the organizer)

Now 2 of the mums in the group won't speak to me, when I asked them why they're ignoring me they tell me they're not but they're obviously snubbing me; won't talk directly to me unless they have to, refuse to make/buy me a drink but make/buy for everyone else in the group, deliberately sit with their backs to me. Neither of these women were mums I nominated, and I don't know where/if they were even in the rankings for the competition. My DD is the same age (2) as one of these womens children, but the other children are either much older or much younger.

Have I committed some sort of faux pas? was I meant to share the prize with everyone?

OP posts:
Original poster
QuackQuackDuck · 17/10/2017 22:17

Wicked No cost to enter unless they forgot to charge me

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 17/10/2017 22:20

This is so strange, a competition to see who in the group is the worst off? And you all had to vote? Totally bonkers.

DearMrDilkington · 17/10/2017 22:21

That's really weird.

I don't think you did anything wrong though.

WickedLazy · 17/10/2017 22:22

So the organiser funded it? Or were they given the prizes as freebies, and decided this was the best way to pass them on to a good cause? It all sounds very odd.

Original poster
QuackQuackDuck · 17/10/2017 22:23

No idea whether the organizer actually paid or they were freebies she was given.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 17/10/2017 22:27

I can't get past the idea that you all had some kind of competition to see who is struggling the most with life Confused.

I mean.... why?, just why would anyone think this was a good idea??? Hmm

KungFuEric · 17/10/2017 22:29

It truly is very odd

Pumperthepumper · 17/10/2017 22:32

Did nobody in the group think it was a weird idea?

SelmaAndJubjub · 17/10/2017 22:34

Sounds like something that a group of year 7 girls would think up

Doesn't it? Hmm

fatfingeredfran · 17/10/2017 22:35

This post is so outing, you've given a lot of identifying details.

Dabitdontrubit · 17/10/2017 22:37

Cracks get prised open with these things, its covert & insecurities thrive.

I don't like groups where there is An Organiser. Unless it's a formal arrangement, like a book/Gin group.

But that's just me (once bitten...)

You have done nothing wrong just be aware that it's their problem & if you can enjoy the group with eyes wide open then carry on.

It sounds like you are well thought of my most.

SelmaAndJubjub · 17/10/2017 22:37

This post is so outing, you've given a lot of identifying details

Seriously doubt that will be a problem.

thecatfromjapan · 17/10/2017 22:44

The competition was a really, really strange and poorly thought out idea.
It's not your fault it went wrong - it was always going to.

I'd ignore the strangeness. Chances are, next time Organiser has a 'great' idea, that will be weird and awful too - and hopefully, the next time, you won't be on the receiving end.

unfortunateevents · 17/10/2017 22:46

This is a really strange set-up. If the organiser bought and paid for this whole prize, it begs the question WHY? If the items were donated why not just stick everyone's name in a hat and draw out several prizes - so one person gets a meal for two, another gets the bath stuff, someone else the toys etc. Who wants to win a prize which basically seems to be awarded on the basis of being worst off (in whatever sense) in the group?

Venusflytwat · 17/10/2017 22:50

You're all in some sort of MLM "team", aren't you.

Which one is it? Younique?

thecatfromjapan · 17/10/2017 22:53

Is it MLM? Makes lots more sense if it is.

MLMs are bad news generally. Sad

Pardalis · 17/10/2017 23:01

This has got to be one of the saddest things I’ve read all day. Ok, not first world problems but how can people who are purported to be friends be so shitty?
Mum who organised - genuine? I would hope so because that’s another can of worms.
‘Friends’ who disapprove of sharing. Why?!!! Because you didn’t share with them?! In fact, there are so many combinations of ‘why?’ I cannot be arsed to type them.

I would ditch the bitches. However I understand that in such a group that may be difficult. Create a subgroup of the nice people? That may also seem like a clique of a clique but ultimately might be more pleasant

olympicsrock · 17/10/2017 23:01

Try and get this thread removed. I’m sure this was an attempt by your friends to treat you and they are annoyed that you have thrown it back in their faces by donating it to someone else

Lairymilk · 17/10/2017 23:06

This is one of the strangest things I've read on here

GabsAlot · 17/10/2017 23:06

but even if it wa a kind of setup why not just tell th op that it was intended for her all along

BuzzKillington · 17/10/2017 23:07

Totally weird.

What's MLM?

Wdigin2this · 17/10/2017 23:08

Next time your in their company, and they snub you, just walk up to them and say clearly! ' You're all obviously upset with me, but I don't know what I've done to cause it....could we just sit down and talk about it?'
If they don't respond, then you'll just have to get over it, and maybe look for new friends. But if they tell you what's upsetting them....you're going to have to deal with it!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 17/10/2017 23:10

How utterly bonkers Confused

AtSea1979 · 17/10/2017 23:14

This competition is so weird and even more weird that all these women agreed to take part. I agree it's too weird. They all put together to treat you and came up with this crackpot idea to put you off the scent. Well you did fall for it!

GwenStaceyRocks · 17/10/2017 23:22

Yy you committed a faux pas. Basically you decided to over-ride everyone's votes.
If it is an MLM group then that throws in another dynamic which means there's probably a reason you were chosen.
The whole concept was bizarre. I don't understand why any of you agreed to participate.

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