is it OK to tell another persons child off? Do ytoher people get scared by confrontation?

[PeachyChocolateEClair]

Incident in pub play area (outdoor) today. We quickly spotted this 10 year old was a problem- he was trying to herd all the three year olds playing in the beer agrden into the road (!) and also into the bins ( a small enlced area behind a gate where he was shutting the gate). I however missed the first enocunter- where my Sis and BIL ahd to corner him to stop them kicking their 3 year old (I went to take ds3 to the loo). About tem minutes alter we looked up and he was jitting ds3 with a stick. Dh went over quicklyadmittefly shouting 'Oi!' quitre loudly- to distract him I think. Then this woman- came out of noewhere shouting and swearing, spat in DH's face and apaprently (according to ds1- I was grabbing ds's) in ds3's face too. HSe then just yelled at us really anstily for about 5 minutes, apaprenlty the fact that he was 10 didnt mean he should not be hurtinga three year old- age irrelevelnt. Etc. The landlady almost threw us all out, eventhough sis / bil / me and mainly DH (he did try and refute a few things she said) were sitting trying to ignore her / calm things down. then she went, and the rest of the time was shouting insults / getting her ds to put his fingers up at us. DH thinks she was drunk, but she had her macdonads uniform on so i think she was probably not, and off to work later (sjhe may already have been).

Should Dh not have shouted do you think? I mean, clearly people who spit at kids are not the nicest, neither are people who allow thier children to put their fingers up at oher famillies. Do why am Is till shaking and feeling really, really guilty? Sis says woman was out of order (we had been up and down monitoring our kids, she just sat there and let him get on with it).

Dh says the reason I fel so abd is that I had a crap childhood and shouting really terrifies me- it was often folowed by physical attacks on me and my sisters (from either parent) and I have a particularly abd memory of Mum being in the kitchen with dad fighting yelling 'I'm being raped' and I've nver known if she was (she was heavily depressed and unbalanced at that time). Any shouting scares me
rigid.

Its totally ruined a nice day, Sis has just found she is pg with ehr second and it was supposed to be a gat tohgether . Should DH ahve not said anything? This woman said we weren't watching the kids- we thought we were, maybe not well enough, and that they caused it all? But surely if a 3 year old does (as she said) push or whatever a 10 year old its not OK for him to be whacked with a stick?

'
Children are stabbing, shooting, raping each other, and all we do as a society is form a bloody hugging circle.
Every day in the papers you read worse and more jaw dropping news about how the law is useless and kids are getting worse and worse.
The sad thing is we are all getting to used to it and I find it getting less and less shocking that a 12 year old is having a baby, 14 and 15 year olds are shooting each other.
I was on a bus when 2 older ladies were talking about the recent shootings between young boys, and one said well if they think they are so tough give them all a gun put them on a island and let them exterminate themselves, and you know what I think they meant it. '

actually though you are bang on there- society doesn't seem to believe that kids can do any better. It doesnt let kids ne kids much either. Your child shrieks with a nightmare yu dont think 'oh poor love', yyou think (or seem supposed to) 'oh no shut up or you'll get an asbo'

It doesn't seem to be acceptable anymore , to tell someone elses child off. There are threads already were people have been upset by it.

But I think we should do it MORE.

And yes, I do mean that.

PCE, I have a child with SN and the first thing anyone wanted to talk to me and DH1 about was what drugs to put him on.
We told them to get knotted. All the time DS1 can cope with his tourettes then we will not be drugging him. It like a lot of things Drs over prescribe (anti depressants, antibiotics etc, its not a quick fix)
I am shocked by the amount of people I know who have children who are medicated, and I do feel that some times it is not the best way. Also there IS such a think as a naughty child and so many people seem to think there is not.

A lot of children are not raised well, given a key, a mobile, and left to let themselves in and out, microwave some turkey twizzlers for tea and sit in front of the telly or play station, the parents just don't parent well and we as a society have to deal with the fall out.
Children are given things rather then time by their parents, I know where my children are and who with at all times.
Kids with nothing else to do will find something and not always a good thing to do.
But we are bloody soft on them, and they know they can get away with whatever they do.
I would never have back chatted an adult, was taught to respect my elders, and where grew up f your own mother was not watching you from the kitchen window then someone's was and if you did something wrong your mother knew about it before you got home, Today I don't think anyone has time for anyone else and we all live in fear of each other.

Can I just say also we went to the home of some of my ML friends 2 new years ago, where SIL was letting her children drink (15,11,9) and the people who's house it was were letting their kids drink, one of their sons was swearing and hitting and was pissed off his head as well as rolling a joint, so his mum (loose sense of the word) come along and gives him his ritlin and goes on to moan (as both parents smoke like chimneys) about how much benefit they are getting and they need more as one child is asmatic, and how the Dr wants to take her off her ADs and how 3 of her kids have adhd and the school are useless.

To my these are vile people who should not have a cat let alone kids, and had no clue that maybe if the kids had some rules and parents that were not the worst kind of role model they might just might have a fighting chance.

Needless to say DH1 and I left and I did point out to MIL that we did not EVER expose out children to drink and drugs so what the hell she thought she was doing taking us there I will never know.

Have only read ops thread. Thats terrible, dont feel guilty, I think your dh was very restrained, probably because there were children involved. He sounds great.

kimi ~ please be careful regarding your comments on ritalin.
Some children, like my own dd, have adhd and would not be leading the life she is now without ritalin.
I find your comments both upsetting and insulting to say the least.
Ritalin is certainly not dished out. I know plenty of people that want it but have been refused.
Ritalin to some children is like epilem? is to children with epilespy, insulin to children with diabetes etc etc

Franscati, Please believe me when I say I mant no offence. I can only speak from my own experience, and that was the DRs seemed to want to hoist drugs on my child without first assessing the real problem.
A lot of the people I know who have children on Ritlin seem to be doing very well on it, but some I know are not.

The point I was trying to make is that some children ARE just badly behaved, poorly brought up and just little shits plain and simple, yet everyone seems to want to blame it on anything other then the fact they are just badly behaved.
Not every child who is having a tantrum in Tesco is ADD,ADHD,Aspergers,or whatever. Some children just are naughty.

(would like to point out Aspergers is still being looked in to with DS1)

I know one woman who's child has none of the above, but every time he is naughty she says "oh well he has ADHD" despite NEVER having been given a diagnoses as such, she told me he has never seen a Dr about this but it stops other mothers complaining when he batters their kids!

I am lucky in that DS1 knows he has a reason for the tics and things and at 10 is very good at explaining his condition to people, but there are time when like ALL kids he can be a sod and that's kids, not an illness.

Kimi whilst you are right that some kids are badly behaved, I find that every person who accosts me in tesco because my child is tantrumming (as if average 7 year olds crawl and bark in supermarkets ) seems to assume I am a bad parent, they never seem to look at thre other two (Ds3 is apssive atm). So I tend to advocate the assume SN unless you know better approach, and use that myself. Which is totally irrlevant to this thread, as took a deliberate decision not to mention in the OP that the boys are Sn (although many on here know) but something I like to point out. I know the pain it causes when I am crirticised in the shops- I would ahte to do that to another, in fact even if a child is awful with no SN I can't judge the child- they could be with a foster mother / suffering trauma for all I know.

Peachy how awful for you - I've only read the OP but your DH did the right thing.

I ahve done on a few occasions, usually I get the line about just another word for badly behaved. Dh pulls me away now though, he is of the opinion that its not my problem what they think.

We do tend to shop at the same time as a lot of old aldies 9they bus them in) as we have to fit around dh's weirdy shifts.

too many kids these days have no respect for others, be it adults or other kids. It's a sad fact of life. And of course it's only the parents that are to blame, our children are sent to us as blank canvasses and we are priviledged enough to have them and to share our lives with them and our experiences. Whether they have SN or not it's not an excuse for bad behaviour. SN children can still be disciplined, surely we are no longer in the dark ages and have to treat them as different (read weird or freaks). I have been thinking about this poor boy since I last posted and my heart goes out to him - what chance does he have in life?

and peachy - I don't mean your kids, just read my post after yours and it sounded like I was having a go at you - I'm not!!!!! Just the poor 10 yr old boy and his poor excuse for a mother

PCE DS1 on a bad day will bark, eeeeekkkkkk, and tic for england I think that is obvious that he is not just acting up, and we are used to the looks and comments. DS2 on the other hand had a fit because I would not buy some cereal or other that had a spiderman book in it.
DS1 is SN, DS2 was being a sod.
DS1 has a problem DS2 was being naughty.

I think to go back to the OP you and your DH did nothing wrong, even if your child bit the boy to start with.
I am sorry if my comments have upset, I tent to speak as I find and I can only say from my own experience.
Also I know how mind-numbingly painful it can be dealing with people who judge DS1 before knowing WHY he does what he does.
I was not judging anyone and I am sorry f it seemed I was.

woohoo coooeeee GM hello.

I killed it.

i come across children like this all the time unfortunately, they usually have horrid parents. i blame the parents, they are the ones producing nasty children.

ha ha ha kimi! How r u doin?

I started a whole thread for you and you never showed up!

NO! Where was I? What was it about? Could I have mentioned heelies in it?

look last 15 mins chat.

whoo!