Punishment for lying

[bumblebee24]

DH believes I went about this the wrong way..

Our 5 year old is at the point of lying. He's trying his luck, but it's not going very well because he's not very good at it!

Anyway.. he did something (minor really). He dragged his school bag along the wet grass while I ran back in the house for something. DD4 told me - as younger siblings always do!

I asked him if he did it. He said no repeatedly.
So I asked him why his bag had a wet drag mark on it. I also told him that I wasn't going to tell him off for dragging it, but I will if he keeps lying.
He admitted that he did drag it.
I asked why he lied to me, he said he didn't know.

All of this happened in the space of around 7 minutes i would say.

Now - every day, I buy them a little something from the shop to have after school. It may be a 30p pack of candy sticks or a chocolate bar etc. Just a little something to eat on the way home.

So I told him that because he lied to me, I wouldn't buy him anything that day.

I explained this to DH when I got back from the school run. He told me I was taking it too far because he only lied over something minor. "Because he's only 5"

But I see it as whether it's minor or major - he still lied and he needs to understand that it's not a good thing to lie.

I didn't even tell him off or raise my voice at the time.. I just simply said "because you lied to me, I won't be getting you anything from the shop today".

DH ended up bringing him something home from work because he said I was being unfair.

Basically, was I being unreasonable by not buying him something, as punishment for lying.

I also didn't buy anything for DD, nothing was actually said when I got them. It's like they didn't even notice I had no snacks!

Yanbu to use withdrawing food as a punishment , albeit junk . It's a horrible association .
And he's five . Teach him that lying is wrong by example and explaining it gently and reminding him constantly , not by punishing him .

You were in the wrong OP as others have said. Because you punished him for telling the truth.

But really, OP, my advice is Choose your battles. You created a big deal out of a very minor incident.

Sister says he dragged his bag on the ground. You say "don't do that" and you continue with your day. Why are you making such a big deal of something so minor?

Younger sister probably enjoyed the drama she stirred...and you fell for it.
Ignore her next time something so minor happens.

Haven't read the full thread but lying is a vital human skill. It's not just unrealistic to expect children not to lie - it's potentially damaging!