To think "oh well she hasn't had children'" is an unfair comment.

[user1485342611]

I was having coffee with my mother and her friend, who were talking about the friend's former cleaning woman. My mother said she had bumped into her in Tesco and she was looking well for someone of 86 and is well able to get out and about.
Friend then said "oh well she hasn't had any children, she's never really known what worry is".

AIBU to think this was deeply unfair. This woman had to go out and clean houses to pay the bills, while Mum's friend has always been well off, lots of holidays etc. She has also suffered the loss of her husband and has presumably had lots of other worries and stresses in her life.

It's something I've heard my mum say about childless women as well, implying that their life has been much much easier than hers, simply on the basis that they don't have kids.

If you’ve got a lovely supportive partner & no money worries. then having children isn’t going to be that stressful really. It’s your ‘whole’ life that matters.

One of the dads in our ante natal group has aged twenty years in seven. He has three kids. He's ageing faster than Tony Blair did.

My mother looks incredibly young for her age, far younger than many women of a similar age who have not had children.

Obviously, being a parent will never be stress free. But claiming it trumps all other stresses or gives parents some insight into a stressful life that child free parents don't have shows a complete lack of empathy with other people.

Surfer, I've got a lovely supportive partner, no money worries, and one kid. It's by far the hardest and most stressful thing I've ever done. I'm on anti depressants.

Sorry, child free people not parents obviously.

But Morris, other people could say that IVF or the death of a partner or a serious illness is the most stressful thing they've ever had to deal with.

trinity I used to be able to sleep anywhere at any time .... now I'm like a trianed ninja waiting to spring into action

Not a very nice comment, but I do think having children can age you. All those sleepless nights and less time/money to spend on yourself and grooming, less lovely relaxing holidays and spa days etc.

Doesn't mean plenty of childless women wouldn't chew their arms off to trade places and have a family though.

The point is when you are a parent you have to deal with stressful life events as well as parenting. You don't get to choose how much shit life throws at you.

And when you can't have children you have to deal with stressful live events as well as childlessness.

That's true, stress and trauma can enter anyone's life at any time. For me personally, I didn't know the meaning of the words stress or worry until I became a parent. I wouldn't be so daft as to say so in front of someone who wasn't a parent, of course.

Sorry to hear that Morris

I agree MissWilmotts

Who knows what troubles someone has had? What right does anyone have to judge, whether someone has experienced enough stress or not. Believe it or not, people without children can also go through terribly stressful times...

That's true, stress and trauma can enter anyone's life at any time. For me personally, I didn't know the meaning of the words stress or worry until I became a parent. I wouldn't be so daft as to say so in front of someone who wasn't a parent, of course.

I agree with this entirely. I wonder if people without children live longer?

I think having a pregnancy is very aging on the body. Whether that makes any difference at 76, I have no idea

It's the other way around actually, splendide.

I've just looked it up and people with children live longer than those without.

Sorry user cross post!

Interesting point thought, Splendide and seems to disprove any idea that parenting is the most stressful thing a person can have to deal with.

Yes, it at least suggests it's not totally chronic.

As I said, for me personally, it's by far my biggest source of worry and stress but I wouldn't assume everyone else felt that way.

I have severe PTSD and don't have children. The stress in my life since birth (lots of abuse) has caused a myriad of health complaints. I live in constant fear (of past abusers, of the DWP, of the housing situation which means I could be homeless at any time). My hair sporadically falls out, my hormones are out of whack, I often can't get out of bed. I'm on lots of medication. But people regularly think I am ten years younger than I am. Someone once said to me 'you don't look like you've had a hard life'. So the problem with that comment is not only is it lacking in empathy but it simply isn't correct and generalisations of any sort aren't helpful

I also think a lot of people have very rose tinted memories of their lives pre-children. They remember the freedom, the unbroken nights sleep etc. but forget the other worries and concerns they had.

They also don't seem to realise that people without children are also getting older, taking on mortgages and other responsibilities, and dealing with stresses and strains that didn't bother them in their twenties.

There's another thread going at the moment, which is tongue in cheek, about all the lovely holidays, spa weekends, pampering and partying posters enjoyed pre-children.

As I said, that thread is tongue in cheek, but I suspect that there are parents who really do imagine that's the life all childless people live.

I think that nuns do live longer than the average woman. That may be because they've had a helping hand from on high, however, rather than the fact they're childless...

I think that childless women do tend to have better figures later in life. Photos of Helen Mirren, for example, show her prancing around in a swimsuit with a flat stomach . The average woman who has had children and has had no cosmetic intervention will have a bit of sagging here and there, not to mention having to resort to Tena Lady. Even women who had no problems after births find their pelvic floors are secretly shot later in life.

so because someone looks ok theyve never had stress

how ridiculous