To think "oh well she hasn't had children'" is an unfair comment.

[user1485342611]

I was having coffee with my mother and her friend, who were talking about the friend's former cleaning woman. My mother said she had bumped into her in Tesco and she was looking well for someone of 86 and is well able to get out and about.
Friend then said "oh well she hasn't had any children, she's never really known what worry is".

AIBU to think this was deeply unfair. This woman had to go out and clean houses to pay the bills, while Mum's friend has always been well off, lots of holidays etc. She has also suffered the loss of her husband and has presumably had lots of other worries and stresses in her life.

It's something I've heard my mum say about childless women as well, implying that their life has been much much easier than hers, simply on the basis that they don't have kids.

Really Ttbb. A comfortably off woman with children has more stress than someone struggling on disability benefit who's husband has died young of cancer?

TTBB that sounds really hard and not mine or my friend's wth kids experience at all.

I'd say it's quite unusual to be THAT worn down & anxious with the normal business of raising kids. I have a friend who's ds has had cancer and YES..THAT kind of stress and anxiety is incomparable. But worrying about my whether my 10yo dd will enjoy her birthday sleepover now that her and her best friend have had a bit of a fallout or whether my 16yo has picked the right A-Levels or her future career is small fry compared to that.

user Only if the child-free sibling allows this to happen.

I don't agree Game. I have seen it happen many times with people who aren't a pushover in any other area of their lives.

Yes it makes her sound like a deeply unimaginative thick idiot if she's incapable of understanding that people worry about more things than kids.

I have to say...my friends who haven't had children (We're all 45) have weathered rather better than I have.

They do look younger.

My MIL told me that people without children are 'out of touch' after I had just lost a baby. People are self important pricks.

If two people have pretty easy lives, then yes the one with kids will have had more stress.
But there are all kinds of awful ongoing stress. A woman in a long term abusive marriage creeping around on eggshells, is going to be more stressed than a woman with kids. A woman who has had lots of tragic things happen will be much more stressed - and I am not talking about bereavement that anyone who lives long enough goes through. Some people's lives are unbelievably hard.

I think in many ways it's true. Over the last few years my teenagers/young peoples behaviour has really aged me and I constantly have a knot in my stomach. The anxiety over children is really intense. I also have other problems to do will in my life too, like any other mother.

To an extend your own health, you can manage those expectations. Other peoples health, not so much.

A parent, generally the mother, never gets a full unindered nights sleep ever again in her life . You are programmed to wake up for the baby, and your tuning becomes so finely honed you will hear a child, even if s/he walks like Grasshopper, you will hear that stair creak and front door open at 3am.

You worry about your child in chld birth, you worry about your child travelling. We are programmed to ensure the survival of our genes.

So as much as I love my parents and DH, I do not 'worry' about them in the same vein I worry about my perfectly adult, well adjusted, completely capable, risk adverse offspring.

and I'd like an uninterrrupted nights sleep please

My mum is 60 worked full time her whole life had 4 kids and looks about 45 so I often think it's genetics not having kids that makes look 'worn'

A parent, generally the mother, never gets a full unindered nights sleep ever again in her life

I'm sorry but WHAT?!!!!!

*I have to say...my friends who haven't had children (We're all 45) have weathered rather better than I have.

They do look younger.*

That'll be the sleep

Tbf I look like shit since dd was born, I don't have the time to primp and nap because she's a terrible sleeper. I wouldn't say I feel particularly stressed at lack of sleep, frustrated is probably more accurate.

looking back through photos I looked fab (and thin) at times of extreme stress precisely because I could still edge out a bit of time to groom myself but I definitely felt emotionally pretty unstable which I don't now.

The mothers I know that look young, still have a life outside of their children. Maybe that is the secret?

The constant anxiety of having children is sonething that just can't be compared to financial stress of bereavement. I don't think I have had a normal heart rate since giving birth. The physical and emotional toll of having children has been enormous.

No one knows what goes on in others lives.

You have no idea which is easier/worse as you arent/haven't lead their lives.

It was a ridiculous comment for them to make.

Life isn't a competition.

I always looked younger than my real age but the last few years including my stepsons death last year have really aged me. Nothing to do with genetics. I actually always thought I had good genes.

My close relatives murder aged me like nothing else has. Followed by a suicide of a close friend.

I don't have children and look every year of my age

I'm sorry but WHAT?!!!!!

Do I need to correct my typos? I drooped an errant aitch - s/b unhindered - can you understand it now?

I’m not sure about this one. I have 2 DDs, aged 8 and 5, I wouldn’t say it particularly adds to emotional stress, but it’s physically draining, with the sleep deprivation that comes with it and having a lot of extra work to do. Going through IVF and then the adoption process was far more stressful.

No I knew what you meant, but saying a mother NEVER gets a full nights sleep ever again is bonkers! What about when your kids are away on residentials, at friends, when YOU are on holiday without them?! What about if your kids sleep through early on, I have to wake my dd's up now they're 10 and 16, I don't lie there all night thinking 'ooh just heard her turn over. ooh she might be going for a wee.'

I read some research a while back that suggested the level of stress caused by infertility/fertility treatment was incredibly high. Even if someone is childfree by choice, they could have other caring responsibilities or an enormous amount of work stress.

Either way, it's a rubbish thing to say, you never know what is going on in someone's life. I'd imagine caring for a parent with dementia for 10 years would probably be up there in terms of stress and exceed caring for an easy-going NT child with no physical health problems. Just as caring for a child with SEN or health problems is probably infinitely more stressful than what most people would ever experience at work. It's not a competition.

Some people like to blame all their woes on their children. Children they chose to have and claim to love. It was one of the most infuriating and upsetting aspects of infertility IME, and I promised myself that I would never do it if I was ever fortunate enough to have a child.

I will never tell my lovely DD that she made me fat, or wrinkly, or gave me grey hair, or costs me so much money, or stops me having holidays or whatever

But you wake up trinity with every noise? I tell you, I never fully go to sleep. I'd kill for 8 hours. I've always got one eye and one ear open.

No never wake up unless there is REALLY loud noises or one of them comes and gets me. I suppose that's just me though and I've always been a heavy sleeper. I'm a LP and think i've been lucky they've always been amazing sleepers but no i've never experienced the one eye open thing. I don't think i could function, i've a thyroid condition and i'd be dead on my feet!!!!