What's the most insensitive thing anyone has ever said to you?

[whatathingtosay]

Was at BIL's wedding on Saturday - lovely day, popular couple, huge guest list, big party. It was basically the opposite of ours, which was family-only, small, quiet, over very quickly.

On the dance floor, MIL comes stomping along (out of time) and says: "It's lovely isn't it. Do you now realise now how staid your own wedding was?"

Now, my own wedding was going to be quite big and friendly. But it got cancelled and had to be replanned. One of several reasons it got cancelled and had to be replanned was MIL's domineering behaviour! By the time we got to organising it a second time, I didn't have the emotional energy to invest in anything big, so I just had the simplest wedding possible.

I think pretty much everyone who knows me well realises how hurt and humiliated I felt by the whole thing, and how much DH and I struggled through that period. So for her to bring it up in the middle of a happy day celebrating BIL was just staggering. I honestly didn't know where to put myself - I just physically froze in the middle of the song 'We Are Family' (oh the irony).

When our very premature twins (born at 26 weeks gestation, weighing under 800g each) were in NICU and critically ill (we'd just been told that one of them might not survive), a couple of friends people said that we should be making the most of the babies not being at home by having lots of nights out and that we were lucky not to be having sleepless nights with screaming babies.

I would have given anything to have 2 screaming babies at home

(Both my girls are 18 months old now and beautiful tiny toddlers)

"Your ex was better"

Said by a family member simply because he thought the sun shines out of my ex's arse and didn't like my oh. Also said when I was pregnant with my oh's child 😡

My DH being told several times by my family what a good man he is taking me and my child on.

Like we are a bloody charity case.

Exactly totallyliterally

A friend said that to me. I have a job. And a mortgage. And a brain

MiL when we told her excitedly that we'd been approved to adopt: 'But I wanted a baby Mr and Mrs Rufus, not someone else's kid'.

Friend on learning we'd be adopting a baby: 'But don't you think his real parents might want him back?'

Frequently said to me when learning that DS is adopted: 'Do you know anything about his real mum?' 'Oooh, I couldnt love someone else's like I love my own' 'Didnt you want your own children?'.

When I showed an interest in dancing aged 10, my dad said “well you’ll never be a ballerina will you? Look at the size of you.”
Years later when I was diagnosed with SPLDs I asked my him if anyone on his side had LDs and he said “I dunno, they’re all thick as shit anyway.”
Yeah thanks Dad

Having just literally that day come out of hospital after a second ectopic, my mother repeatedly knocked on the door and complained that I'd taken ages to answer it. When she walked in, she shoved a box of chocolates at me - they were Celebrations.

Just one of of a long list of insensitive, shit things my mother says and does. And people say you only get one and I should be greatful because so many people have lost theirs. Yeah, right. .

Whilst I was in hospital awaiting the start of a d&c and devastated about the miscarriage, OH: 'are you sure visitors are allowed all day?' me: 'you're not a visitor, I'm waiting for an operation to remove our miscarried foetus' OH (petulant) 'but I could be getting a day's work done'. Staggering.

“You haven’t got much up top have you”....during sex.

"Bet you hope he's got it too so you don't have to treat them differently".
Said about ds2, referring to peanut anaphylaxis which ds1 had. Wtf would I want my baby to have a life threatening condition? Him having it too was literally my worst nightmare.

My son said yesterday after my partner asked him if his dad beating me up and dislocating my jaw means anything to him and he replied "but she can still talk can't she"

He's 14 and his dad has only been in his life the last 7months. He hasnt returned home today

On learning my young, extremely fit and health DH had lung cancer, his widowed aunt told me that I was lucky as now I could understand what she went through

Another 'friend' on the day we found out, spent an hour lecturing me on the benefit of vitamin C, and how Drs were just trying to hide there was a cure and we should ignore them and just take Vitamin C supplements. I don't talk to her now.

Owllo. You must ja e been devastated to hear that. I hope it's a phase and you will get your son back

Two things my MIL said still upset me to this day when I think of them, so insensitive and hurtful:

1. When my DH excitedly announced our engagement, the first words out of MIL's mouth were "oh, well you don't have to rush into anything". Thankfully the rest of the gathered family then rushed over with their congratulations, but unfortunately her reaction really tarnished what should have been a very happy memory.

1. Shortly after DH died (at a young age, unexpectedly), as she was leaving to return home from a visit she said "please don't keep the children from us". I do understand that she was in shock and had lost her son but it just hurt me so much. I loved her son beyond words and would never have dreamt of keeping his DC from their own grandparents, the very people they would be able to ask for stories of their dad when he was growing up/what he was like etc etc. I had just lost my soul mate/love of my life and MIL was treating me as if we were going through some sort of bitter divorce . That hurt a lot.

I was an overweight teenager and excruciatingly self-conscious. One day I was in town with my mum and we bumped into someone she knew and she introduced me by saying, "and this is my big daughter".

Not said about me but a friend of mine, we were teenagers. my grandmother said “x is SUCH a pretty girl...such a shame she’s a negro”

Thank goodness my friend wasn’t there at the time

A lady in church about my autistic DS, 'I don't know how you cope with him'
I don't think it was meant nastily, but he had been being particularly patience testing that week and it just made me want to cry.

My 18 year old son had just died after fighting a brain tumour for two and a half years. A friend rang and left a message on my voicemail asking if I was glad he'd died. I was dumbstruck. Who in their right mind could ask that?

My parents went into school to discuss the bullying I had endured. Apparently the headmistress said that I was just the sort of girl no-one would ever like. Not sure if I'm more hurt by her saying that, or my Mum telling me; like it answered the bullying 'problem'.

I’m terminally ill so I get all of my prescriptions free from the pharmacy. I went in to pick up a prescription and showed the lady behind the till my card to show I got it free and these are the words that came out of her mouth “It’s such a shame that your people are blamed for the shortages in the NHS”

It took me a while to click on. Then I thought what my people!? When she came back with my medication I gave her a bow and a little wave and thanked on behalf of all my people lol. She scurried away rather quickly!

When i was about 14/15 i was (looking back) severely depressed.. i weighed about 15st, stopped showering, never brushed my hair, it had gotten all matte.. as embarassing as that is.

I was in town one day with friends when a peer looked at me with a weird face, laughed, saying "is that your real hair?

My first DH died after an rta when we'd been married for less than six months.

After a month a "friend" asked if I'd got over it yet. The friendship never really recovered and we are now nc.

I was also asked if I was going to go back to using my maiden name.