What's the most insensitive thing anyone has ever said to you?

[whatathingtosay]

Was at BIL's wedding on Saturday - lovely day, popular couple, huge guest list, big party. It was basically the opposite of ours, which was family-only, small, quiet, over very quickly.

On the dance floor, MIL comes stomping along (out of time) and says: "It's lovely isn't it. Do you now realise now how staid your own wedding was?"

Now, my own wedding was going to be quite big and friendly. But it got cancelled and had to be replanned. One of several reasons it got cancelled and had to be replanned was MIL's domineering behaviour! By the time we got to organising it a second time, I didn't have the emotional energy to invest in anything big, so I just had the simplest wedding possible.

I think pretty much everyone who knows me well realises how hurt and humiliated I felt by the whole thing, and how much DH and I struggled through that period. So for her to bring it up in the middle of a happy day celebrating BIL was just staggering. I honestly didn't know where to put myself - I just physically froze in the middle of the song 'We Are Family' (oh the irony).

"I'm much happier now I'm a widow, and not a divorcee"

My mum, who was separated from my dad, said this to me 2 days after he died suddenly.

My mum who told me 'Don't have this baby!'. I was 32, married and me and my husband were very happy about it. My mum was only thinking of herself as she said she 'didn't want to have to worry about it'.
To be fair, she did have very bad mental health problems after having me and my brother (she was bi-polar) and she ended up in hospital both times for over a year. We were brought up by grandparents (seperately) for the first year of our lives as my dad had to work abroad.
She thought it would happen again. It didn't!
But the ironic thing was that she went downhill again with her bi-polar when I had DD2
And for the next 10 years she was in and out of hospital and stressing me out so I couldn't concentrate on my own children properly.
She died at 66 years old, without even meeting them properly. She was never interested in them.

I'd been given tickets to an event by a friend that didn't want to go any more, nothing too exciting, think drive on cinema type things for an average film.
I was in hospital having an erpc for my mmc the day before, which my friend knew. She told us to have fun at the event to which I said I wasn't going because of what's happened. She then started having a go at me saying I should have told her sooner so she could have sold the tickets
Said friend also said to me at least my scan didn't look like a baby (She hadn't even seen it) and that hers did when she had a miscarriage the year before therefore hers was worse. That reaaaaaally stung and was so hurtful.
She also said to me that at least I had my partner with me for mine whereas she had no one (actually a lie, she had her dad and then partner) so I should feel lucky. Just wanted to punch her in the face, she was making it all about her and making out that hers was so much worse so why am I upset.

Another friend told my OH when we were very early on that I had been raped a few months previous to my relationship with him. Which I think was really fucking shitty of her, it should have been me to tell him.

Oh and OH's DM a couple of weeks ago phoning OH up to ask if I was pregnant again because i looked tired and didn't drink wine the other night
She also said how she'd be so hurt if we didn't tell her straight away. That actually make me cry, my miscarriage is still so raw and I don't want her or anyone else thinking about me being pregnant when I can't even think about it myself. I also don't plan on telling anyone other than my OH until I'm at least 20 weeks pregnant also, so she can stick her feelings where the sun don't shine

For you all. I'm constantly made to feel shit by a couple of family members. Typing it would just make it worse.

'At least you don't have children!'

At a close family member's funeral, a few days before 2nd round of ivf. Which failed.
By my sister, who said that her children asked too many questions about the deceased.

Needless to say still NC

When I was a teenager me and my friend hung out with a group of lads, (just mates) and one once said to my friend “we like you for your personality and pickley for her looks”
I suppose she might have been hurt as she may of thought she wasn’t pretty, but it’s really stuck with me and I always feel people only invite me to things because they feel they have to (nothing to do with looks now days )and not because they actually like me.

oxcat they sound horrible.
Some people just have no thought about things
to you all

Something I've never told anyone or been able to process fully but I was going through a bit of a rough time when I was 17 (years later realised it was depression) and my head teacher who was lovely picked up it and suggested I tell my parents how I was feeling so she phoned them and suggested they listen to what I have to say.

I sat down with them that night and poured my heart out about how I worried about everything, how I wasn't good enough etc and they sat and listened.

The next day I woke up feeling better and wondered what the plan as going to be so they could help me.

They never mentioned it again. I felt so stupid opening myself up like that it definitely had an effect on who I am today - I struggle with trust and getting too close to people.

I'm determined to bring it up with them at some point to ask that the hell they were thinking!

I think it would have to be when I fell pregnant with my first at 18.

A woman I worked with said "at least XXX was sensible about it, she had her life sorted out. I bet your mum is proud of you"

Me and OH both had a job, I was at college full time, had my own flat and we were engaged. At the time I was having driving lessons too!

I'm not sure what she meant by that.. but I am now married to that OH, we have a lovely house and our third child on the way.

I'll never understand why she said it but I'm glad I never have to see her again!

Mine seems silly compared to some of the others, but it still affects me to this day.

I was at the GP getting a physical done and I had my Mom in the room with me, I think I was 15-17 around that mark. I have anxiety, so took my Mom for moral support. The doctor was checking my reflexes in the knee and my Mom looked at my legs and gasped out loud and then apologised, profusely to the GP that I hadn't shaved my legs.

My skin reacts really badly to being shaved and it's so itchy, I end up scratching it to hell. I still feel incredibly self conscious about my hairy legs/armpits to the point where I will put on leggings in the summer and boil to death rather than someone seeing my legs with hair on them .

The doctor who shouted in my face: "That'll teach you not to ride motorbikes!" when I was lying on a trolley, in shock, concussed and with various broken bones. Later, as a nurse was telling me not to move my head, as they'd found a fracture in my neck, he came back and shouted: "Tell her she'll probably never walk again!"
They really need to change the system so doctors get more sleep.

Cliché, I know, but being told I was or made to feel ugly right throughout my childhood and into adulthood. I have an attractive sister who got - and still does get - all the compliments, whereas nothing has ever been said about me. Except for some people who have explicitly said I'm ugly or who have been overheard saying they can't decide if I'm pretty or not. I'm not even all that bad.

I actually laugh at this one now but at the time
I had a late Mc and was off work for a while, we were field based so most people didn't even know I was pg but word obviously got out and at the next team meeting a male colleague I didn't even know well told me he knew exactly how I felt because his cat died last year!!

A good friend of mines husband was diagnosed with liver cancer aged 35 with a 6 week old baby and he died only a few weeks later. Another " friend" who was having marital difficulties told her she would gladly swap with her

Oh, Lord. I just remembered the nurse who came into the ward where I was in traction and boomed: "Gawd! You need to shave those legs!" I didn't have the presence of mind to ask how she expected me to do that. I just muttered that it's rude to make personal comments, and she left the room in a huff.

This one is totally daft compared to some of the awful things on here, but it’s always stuck in my mind.

I was 10 and my year at school were doing a play. I desperately wanted a part, any part, in this play. The teacher held ‘auditions’ during our music lessons one day and after I’d been unsuccessful in getting one of the main parts, I put my hand up again to say I’d like to try for one of the more minor roles.

The teacher looked at me and said ‘Oh god, not you again. Look, just take the hint will you? I’ve given you enough chances but you’re just not very good, OK?’ In front of my ENTIRE year.

I sheepishly put my hand down and didn’t audition for any more parts. I had to watch dozens of others get up on stage while this teacher smiled encouragingly, even the ones who just looked at the floor and were too shy to even try saying one line. I vividly remember wondering what on earth could possibly make me SO bad that she had to stop me from even auditioning and humiliate me in front of all my friends. I ended up doing the ‘lighting’ instead which basically meant I turned a spotlight on and off twice during the course of the whole play.

The next year, with a different teacher running the school play, I got the main part. So fuck her.

My boss told me the other week “if you were a dog you’d’ve been put down by now”

That made me feel great!

When DM was passing away - literally in her last hours with us - she had been put into a private side room at the hospital and for the 36 hours or so before nurses had let 4 of us sleep in there and countless visitors come and go without question.

An hour or so before she passed the consultant came into the room and looked around at us all - (her 3 children, husband, and 3 lifelong friends) and announced "Get out all of you - this isn't a party!"

Whilst I understand if she needed there to not be so many people in the room at once (although nobody minded before ) - did she really think we were all in there for the laughs?

I was at work (customer facing job) when a bloke said, "cheer up love, it may never happen".
"I'm just processing that a family member has cancer, so it kind of has," I replied.

When I finally confessed to dm that I had been sexually abused when younger, she looked at me and asked "are you sure?"

“Was it a boy or a girl? I want to know.” “It’s never happened on OUR side!” “I’m so upset for him, he’s MY baby after all.”

Said by MIL a week after my miscarriage. She conveniently waited until my now husband left the room. We were away to go out for a meal for my birthday to take our minds off of it for a couple of hours. And she wonders why I’m so frosty with her now.

everyday

What on earth? How did u react? That's appalling.

My DM this summer when we were home visiting for a few weeks..." it's so weird, your brother thinks his kids are awful, but they are lovely, and you think your DS is wonderful, but he's awful."

Thanks, mum.

My SIL has always been honest in expressing her view on moral issues. She told me that DH and I shouldn’t have IVF because of the ‘spare embryos’. She’s entitled to her views of course; the problem was that she’d already had 5 children and had no problems getting pregnant. It took a long time for me to get over that one.

Told my DM I was pregnant with my first DC, she said being as she already had 2 Grandsons she would "try not to be too disappointed if it's another boy". Several years later now she has 7 Grandkids (not all mine!) and they're all boys!

These stories just make me cry, why are some people so awful? Having a bad childhood just isn't good enough, clearly lots of us have had one of those and yet we know how to be kind and sensitive.

to all of us