Christmas presents

[Collienova]

I know it's only October, but....
I would like to do a 'want one, need one, wear one, read one' Christmas for DD5, but DH seems to be implying it's unreasonable. She's got plenty, I don't want her to think Christmas is all about presents. I want to spend time with her, baking, making things, walks etc
She's still get presents from family and a gifts from Father Christmas. I'm being made to feel like I'd be depriving her somehow???

Not buying many gifts is a good option, not buying many gifts because you have a weird rule is not

It's not meant to be a hard and fast rule but it is meant to be a way to help people structure present buying - if there was literally no book my DD wanted one year which will never happen as she's a huge bookworm but there are two "want" toys, then of course I would adjust the system to account for that but I'd probably buy those two mid range presents and then give DD a gift voucher for Waterstones or somewhere where she can buy some books when she does have one she really wants. So on Christmas Day she may not get her "something to read" present but she will have a present related to the spirit of that part of the idea.

Yes it can be an overt teaching tool but it doesn't need to be either ... I have always used this system with my DD, she's 9 now and I doubt she's even noticed that her presents follow a specific "formula" because what she gets is different every year, it's just that they are always items that fall into those categories.

Also my DD will still get a lot - she gets presents from me, my ex, my family and his. By me and her dad both agreeing to stick to this system for gifts from us and trying to get our families to buy just one or two good quality presents each then DD will still get a good 15/20 presents (as well as a few little stocking gifts/sweets/chocolate/Xmas eve PJs) but instead of it just being stuff bought for the sake of buying, they are more likely to be thoughtful (and practical, which BTW is not a bad thing) presents that will actually get used and played with.

Spoiling your child and having Christmas be a teaching event are not mutually exclusive either. Nor does the "teaching event" have to be a boring and negative thing. DD gets a lot of stuff at Christmas so as part of our pre-Christmas preparations I have a day in early December when we have a whole house sort out and as part of that I get DD to go through her toys and sort out anything that is broken/damaged and needs to be thrown away and we choose some toys that are still in good condition but that she has grown out of/doesn't play with any more to donate to charity in order to make way for her new Christmas presents. It's a fun day - we put Christmas music on, we clean the house, we sort stuff out, we put up the Christmas decorations, take the donations to charity and then have a lovely takeaway and movie night.

As far as DD is concerned this is just part of our pre-Christmas traditions (just like the big clearout we have in the summer too), I don't hammer on about how grateful she should be or that it's meant as a teaching moment nor do I force her to give away anything she doesn't want to, but I do encourage her to think about the fact that other kids don't have as much as she does because while Christmas is about the presents and magic for children, that doesn't mean they can't also think of other people as well.

It's a good mantra, and like you say the need one can be fun. They can all be fun. I spent a maximum of 50 pounds on dd until she was 8/9 then it starts getting pricey.

I don't understand the " something to read" as a present. My dc get a new book nearly every week. Surely people don't just buy books at Christmas?

Not everyone can afford a new book every week MyDcAreMarvel

When I was growing up I had plenty to read - library books, school library books, books belonging to my elder sisters - but a new book that was just for me was rare and I didn't get enough pocket money to buy them for myself very often.

Hence books as presents were appreciated. Actually book tokens as presents were even better because most relatives underestimated my reading age and got me something a bit crap. One of the best books I got was from an old lady who was a friend of my parents and she gave me one of her old books (about 40 years old) on a subject I was interested in. It was a really lovely book and I still have it.

I use this principle too, and I find it useful as pps have said to structure gift buying so it's balanced. It also helps when you have more than one child of different ages so they look like they're getting approximately the same.

We don't buy books regularly because our readers don't particularly enjoy rereading anything unlike DC3 who wants the same damn book eleventy million times. We go to the library for the "new book" fix. Christmas "something to read" might be a magazine subscription, for example, or a box set by a favourite author.

We also use that principle to guide the children when they're writing their Christmas lists. We can't (and wouldn't if we could) supply a long list of branded trainers, computer game consoles and games, personal electronics, etc, so we want guidance for the smaller things as well as the headlines.

Often the "need" thing might also be something they want, eg our eldest is probably getting a SIM card for his phone as we're starting to let him out on his own; previously it's been new football boots trendier than we would normally stretch to.

Oh and we use it as a starting point, not a restriction. So they might have five things or twenty things, but there will always be at least one from each of the categories.

Our kids must be very deprived according to your dp op. We buy three presents for each child at Xmas, they can ask father Christmas for one thing (he's v.busy with making and delivering present to everyone else as well after all), they get one gift from us and one off their sibling (DS is 7so shops for his dsis, DD is 2.5 so we buy). Both DC get loads from everyone else, x7 aunts and uncles, 5great aunts uncles two sets of gp, two ggp it just gets insane. They both have stockings on the bed (mostly to buy us 20minutes extra sleep) with a satsuma, chocolate and colouring book/sticker book from poundland and three presents each under the tree in the morning. Family presents( if we're not seeing them) are bought out after breakfast of more chocolate .
It keeps the cost down because we are on a budget but we want both DC growing really applicating what they get, and remembering that magical moment they realise their "Christmas wish" to santa cane true. Obviously as they get older and stop believing there will be two gifts from us to them and I'm sure their main gifts will get more expensive, but for now it works.

Appliacing?? Appreciating

I don't understand the " something to read" as a present. My dc get a new book nearly every week. Surely people don't just buy books at Christmas?

Beano Annual?

Guinness Book of World Records!

My kids have birthdays either side if Xmas, plus DC3 is due in early Feb so I'm looking to have a cheap Xmas.

Am planning plenty of activities and festive stuff.... but present wise we're going to take it easy.

To the posters who buys a book a week? Really? One book a week?????

3 weeks on from her birthday DD still hasn't opened about half of her presents (she probably had about 20-25 in total from us and other people)

I think we are talking at massive cross purposes. My Dc have never had that many gifts in one go, ever.

Even nearly every week seems excessive, and we have a lot of books!!

I would imagine Xmas books are more of a 'one off' type book?

Ahardmanisgoodtofind Mon 16-Oct-17 14:21:55

^^ but your family buy for your dc though so how can that be seen as deprived, If our wider family also chipped in we wouldn't buy as much for our dc ( no way near 25 gifts each though) so they are actually getting loads of presents.

Yabu. I agree they are notmutially exclusive concepts. We bake, take walks, make homemade tree decorations, go to carol concerts.. and my kids still get lots of lovely presents.
My kids get the family meaning of xmas.. but they also love the toys too.
There will be plenty of years when they are teenagers to do the fewer presents thing - they'll probably only want a few things anyway.
Aged 5, I think it's unnecessary. I'm with your DH. And your tone DOES sound lie you think your dc need to be taught some sort of life lesson

Oly5 - I do think she needs to be taught a life lesson, but I'm not implying that she has to suffer to do so. The opposite actually - I think she would get more out of less (but better) presents and will enjoy Christmas more!

Op teach her the life lessons every day of the year, every time she sees something she wants and you say no! That life lesson.

I dont get this massive OTT hundreds of piles of tat. You can give a nice amount of gifts, that are not tat at all, and have a good balance.

I agree, a good amount of gifts doesn't mean tat. Mine are into Playmobil and they will get lots of it. Loads of play value but lots of gifts.
My kids are not spoilt- I say no the rest of the year
Many times. But I don't understand this "life lesson" approach to xmas. My own xmases as a child are filled with loads of gifts and it was wonderful. We also went to midnight mass, roasted chestnuts etc. All very happy memories

Even nearly every week seems excessive, and we have a lot of books!!

Yep, that's 50 books a year ... providing you only have one DC, and even if they're only a couple of quid each (and not the full RRP which is usually around £5/6) that's over £100 a year on books that they are going to grow out of or stop reading in a year or two. I'd rather get DD a couple of books at birthdays and Christmases of either series' she's really into, kids classics or authors she's enjoying than buy new books just for the sake of it weekly.

We go to the library every week and DD gets loads of books because I couldn't afford to buy them all new (and even if I could there are some books she's read and hated and I'm glad I borrowed it and didn't buy it), and even if I could we're already overflowing with books and bookcases, and that's just from the books DD and I really want and enjoy re-reading.

A friend of mine does an Advent Book Box for her 4&6yo DC and has one for a couple of years now because they love it so much - she bulk buys 25 story books from the Works (they often have a 5 for £5/10 for £10 offer on kids books), wraps them up and puts them in a box. Every day in December they take it in turns for one of them to choose a package & open it and that will be their bedtime story that night. By Christmas they then have 25 new story books that they then read throughout the following year and it only costs my friend a couple of quid a month.

I agree with you OP.

We are doing less this year.

But I don't understand this "life lesson" approach to xmas.

Life lessons don't have to mean you get nothing though and lavishing your child in gifts doesn't mean you can't have life lessons too - they aren't mutually exclusive.

Life lessons are just part of every day life for my DD, including Christmas. We don't go out of our way to hammer it down her throat and it is not singled out and highlighted as being a "teaching moment" but it is just another part of whatever we do and is part of the celebration as a whole.

So for Christmas, she gets plenty of presents from family and friends but in our household we also make sure to impart the spirit of giving - we clear out old toys/books that are still in great condition but that she doesn't play with/read to donate to other people who aren't as fortunate (which I'd be doing anyway out of practicality of space for new stuff), we take part in our local "Christmas shoebox" appeal - DD takes great joy in choosing the things to put in each box which are distributed to local families through our local foodbank - and participate in all manner of festive fundraisers, from carol concerts to raise money for the school to local Christmas Fairs in aid of local charities.

It's not a bad thing to want to teach children that Christmas is not only about what will be under the tree with their name on it on Christmas Day.

But melj Loads of people do all that already, xmas is a time of giving - as part of the celebration?

The cash at the end of the nativity for various charities, collections everywhere, usually giving loads more stuff to food bank ( incl chocolate calendars) incorporating giving gifts as part of xmas anyway - eg - paying for a barnados child to go to the panto with a carer, donating in the church at every service - and christingle...shoes boxes for school, shoe boxes for many other charities, i would be super amazed if anyone could miss all this out at xmas and cart loads of plastic tat under tree?

I think we are talking at massive cross purposes. My Dc have never had that many gifts in one go, ever.

Really? She had around 10 things from us (including a packet of photocopying paper and new felt pens - that's 2), 10 things from the 10 children that came to her party, something from my sister, something from my parents and something from DH's parents. His siblings don't buy for her. My nan sent her money and the neighbour gave her a fiver. It's really not that much.

The cash at the end of the nativity for various charities, collections everywhere, usually giving loads more stuff to food bank ( incl chocolate calendars) incorporating giving gifts as part of xmas anyway - eg - paying for a barnados child to go to the panto with a carer, donating in the church at every service - and christingle...shoes boxes for school, shoe boxes for many other charities, i would be super amazed if anyone could miss all this out at xmas and cart loads of plastic tat under tree?

I don't do any of that.

Im with you. We do want need wear read. I get the presents from my dm and 2 dsis so I get to really think about it. Mil is VERY good at telling me the budget and listening to my suggestions. She buys our legoland passes for xmas and holiday park passes for birthdays. It definitely helps to minimise stuff and to get them stuff they will actually use rather than presents for presents sake.