Christmas presents

[Collienova]

I know it's only October, but....
I would like to do a 'want one, need one, wear one, read one' Christmas for DD5, but DH seems to be implying it's unreasonable. She's got plenty, I don't want her to think Christmas is all about presents. I want to spend time with her, baking, making things, walks etc
She's still get presents from family and a gifts from Father Christmas. I'm being made to feel like I'd be depriving her somehow???

Leaves how about the adults that had a childhood of big christmases whonthen discover that they can be quieter? You’re assuming that the norm is to love it and go big. There is no norm. There’s just families doing their best.

She may meet man whose family do Xmas and she will experience a totally new and different way of doing it, she may get spoiled and see other dc delighting in gifts and wonder why her dp didn't make more effort to do Xmas.. For her... You say, I was never on it for my own reasons.. And you were fine with it and she may say, yes because I didn't know any different.

She might be gay, she might go and work with African orphans who don't have shoes. She might fly to the moon or live in a country that doesn't celebrate Xmas.

We major on family time instead. So I hope she'll look back and remember the fun rather than the things. The games and the laughter and the walks on the beach rather than the mountains of tat and meaningless consumerism that seems to be "normal". Imagine that world for just a second.

The 'want one, need one...' is supposed to be a guide rather than a hard and fast rule. I grew up in East Germany where we had very little. My impulse is to go the other way with my children, but I don't think it's healthy. I'm trying to find a balance.

What Titty said ^

what if you find two truly meaningful and ideal christmas jumpers that would make ideal loved gifts for your partner, and no books at all would you really not get them one of the awesome jumpers and instead some book he'd only be meh about?

The idea that my DH would prefer a "meaningful" jumper to any book is so weird!

Im having the same discussion with my DH at the minute.

I want to buy fewer presents, aiming for maximum playability and meaningful presents rather than getting presents for the sake of having a big pile of presents. DH is making noises about not wanting to deprive the DC

That sounds exactly like us MsPassepartout! I'm keen on advice on how to persuade him I'm not being mean...I'm so sure it's a good thing!!!

I don't understand the " something to read" as a present. My dc get a new book nearly every week. Surely people don't just buy books at Christmas?

We major on family time instead. So I hope she'll look back and remember the fun rather than the things. The games and the laughter and the walks on the beach rather than the mountains of tat and meaningless consumerism that seems to be "normal". Imagine that world for just a second

To be fair titty, you made it sound like you don't bother with any of this in your first post, just that you don't really bother with Christmas. I think you're right about the buying loads of crap and I don't think that's the point the PP was overly picking up on.

Christmas should be time to spend making memories with family and friends. OP I like the want / need / wear / read is a lovely idea! Especially since it sounds like all the bits are things your dd actually want and will use.

MyDcAreMarvel becuase it wouldn't rhyme otherwise!

Buying new books most weeks could get very expensive, unless you're getting them all from budget bookshops or charity shops.

My DC are taken to the library frequently to pick out new books to read - I think we have about 30 library books in the house between the DC at the minute - but for us, actually buying the DC new books to keep does tend to happen mainly around Christmas and birthdays.

Just buy her one big special present that she really really wants and family will get other bits.

As a parent you should be providing clothes and books and needed items so screw giving that as presents.

We are cutting down this year.

Last year was way too much and unnecessary.

My dad buys my mum a pack of biros every year. He wraps them up in a cracker style wrapping. No idea why but every time she opens them the laughs like a muppet. Some basic items go down very well as Christmas presents.

Compromise and come to an arrangement you and your DH are comfortable with. I don't think it should just be up to you.

I would like to point out that mine get a fair number of carefully selected gifts that don't at all resemble "tatt" and Christmas is STILL about family, baking, walks, spending quality time together etc.

These are not mutually exclusive concepts

Nikibabe - that's not true for all of us. My DPs couldn't afford much more than the basics so a lovely dressing gown at Christmas was a treat. Something DCs need but a bit special even if you "should be providing them with the basics".

I love the want-need-wear-read mantra. I also like the £5 stuff (guess it would be £10 now) where that was the limit in a huge family with very varied incomes. Some of it was home made, some basic, a lot second hand and - from those I know who did it - a lot magical.

I also like the £5 stuff (guess it would be £10 now) where that was the limit in a huge family with very varied incomes. Some of it was home made, some basic, a lot second hand and - from those I know who did it - a lot magical

So this year my Friend and I suggested we all go out for Christmas dinner instead of cooking at home (there's no kids in either families yet) so we are doing a big mix family restaurant jobby (which is already paid for and will probably end up being cheaper than doing it at home tbh) we have decided to do a secret Santa with a £10 limit across the board, that way no one feels they have to spend a fortune buying everyone something, no one feels awkward for not bringing anything etc. I thing it's a glorious idea! Limit the crap!!! Plus I agree with you, it adds a touch of magic especially when people are not worrying about having the money to splash out and everyone is on an even footing!

i think its a great idea, as long as all gifts are fun and not over the top practical, we do one gift, they both normally ask for money to save for something big like a $600 nintendo switch, or a new iphone, we give them $100 each but if we buy something cool for them we only give $50, as the family is way over the top we have had to rein them back on xmas gifts ( some years when we go to make the 11 hour drive home the entire car is jam packed with gifts, even packed like a jig saw around the kids and getting out of the car for a loo or food stop is a bit of a obstacle course ) AND even then the family is trying to make us take more... heres a pack of 96 toilet rolls, 10 kilo of fresh veges, a bucket of lemons etc...
We also have a santa stocking, and santa is a very practical man, he gives them hair car products, new battery tooth brushes and paste etc, so everything gets covered

It's October and I'm still basking in the glory of having just about got Christmas 2016 right for the DC (older teens at Uni and sixth form).

Without realising it, I've gone down the want/need/eat/read route. Practical presents mean they get a two pack of Ted Baker boxer shorts, rather than a five pack Tesco own brand, as they might at any other time of the year. Every boy needs pants, so this is where the indulgence of a practical Christmas present comes in.

Just because some people buy lots of presents does not mean that christmas is all about just presents. I would say I'm a middle of the road spender so the kids have a fair bit.

BUT we still do winter wonderland, cinema if something good on, we've booked christmas nights at St Fagans (open air museum), we bake, make decorations, have movie nights with munchies, have christmas parties, play games, visit Santa at our local garden centre, drive around the area at night looking at all the decorated houses......

So I hope she'll look back and remember the fun rather than the things. The games and the laughter and the walks on the beach rather than the mountains of tat and meaningless consumerism that seems to be "normal". Imagine that world for just a second

But its not mutually exclusive and who said everyone who doesn't do xmas your way or ops way has massive piles of tat? We certainly don't and never have! My dc will remember all those things and presents. You seem to think by pruning down gift and the whole experience means more focus elsewhere. Maybe your brain works like that but your dc may be different. Personally I remember all sorts of different things from xmas, not just gifts.

I grew up in East Germany where we had very little

Op I have two people married into my family from eastern europe and I have to say the legacy that living under communism has left them is one of the saddest things I have witnessed. A life time of living under such straighened conditions is hard to break, its a brain washing mindset.

The lengths I have witnessed one sil in particular to go too to get out of buying gifts is sad to witness. She has plenty of money, several houses, a fantastic job but she cannot break free of those bonds from her up bringing, she cannot enjoy her money and she gets really stressed if she has to pay a penny more for car parking than she has too preferring for instance to walk miles to avoid it.

Presents for anyone are out, even though no dc of her own, I did once get a nice cook book that came free with her new oven. Its caused massive problems in the marriage because not for a second will she let her foot off the gas and just enjoy herself or have a blow out now and again, eg for xmas its very miserable to live with, and its put a downer on any gathering because she is anxious and twitchy about any gift giving or buying a bottle of wine..its always there.

LeavesinAutumn - I think there are plenty of people who behave like your family member who've been nowhere near a former Eastern bloc country.

MuddlingThroughLife yes, I was thinking the same! it's not like if you buy a fair few presents then you spend the rest of the time not bothering about Christmas at all! I love Christmas, we do lots of activities, crafts, baking, advent calendar, reading Christmas stories, walks etc.

I also buy them quite a few presents, not plastic "tat", but all things they have asked for and that I know they will play with, there are also a lot of books (there are always a lot of books, they love them!)

Of course, people should always buy well within their budgets and not stress their finances, I would never spend irresponsibly

Leaves - I was 12 when the wall came down so I thankfully didn't fall into the money mindset you describe. My dc is very much about the presents at the moment, she does enjoy the Christmas activities very much also and I think what I would like to achieve is to find a better balance this year. I definitely don't want to bring out the 'I had nothing and you should be more grateful' crap, but I do want her to get more quality than quantity - presents and activities.

3 weeks on from her birthday DD still hasn't opened about half of her presents (she probably had about 20-25 in total from us and other people). She's just not into heaps of stuff. She'll open something and play with it for ages before wanting something else. She has some toys from toddlerhood that she's found ways to play with in very different ways as she has grown. I'm not sure whether that's nature or nurture to be honest!

British children are some of the unhappiest in the world. We know that too much stuff can be damaging psychologically. Perhaps the 2 things are linked when the societal expectation is on getting more and more stuff (and spending less and less time with them).