Guilt about choosing the mixed sex school over girls school

[chiocesarenevereasygirlsworld]

My dd has been at her good co Ed school now for 8 weeks. Yr 7. She is enjoying it a lot and on choosing I felt it was right for her and I want her to have friendships with both sexes. She has two brothers so is quite use to boys and there friends.

There is a girls school near us though and among my friends and mums at the school gates it's the school of choice for their daughters. It's outstanding in all areas and it's very academic. All I ever hear is how wonderful it is and even it's even been said how boys are beasts that sexually harass girls at mixed sex schools. Ok this may happen in a small minority's but I find this very insulting as my two boys have been brought up to be respectful and I don't agree with this mindset at all.

There is a nagging doubt in my head the dd could do better academically in the girls school as it's so strong in that dept but my heart tells me she wouldn't be happy socially.

I'm fed up of hearing it but I guess it's all new at the moment and school is all my friends and peers seem to talk about.

I need a break!!

I went to mixed. Can't say I was too impressed with it. Certainly didn't give me life skills for dealing with the opposite sex!

Thank you everyone. Some very usefully points of view.

I'm happy with our choice but you can't help but doubt yourself when everyone around you is hailing the other school as the best thing since sliced bread, however in a few year when those teenage hormones really kick in things could look very different.

I went to an all girls school. I am now in a field typically made up of men. Although I didn't realise science was 'for men' until I got to uni!!! I think statistically speaking girls perform better academically in single sexed schools. But your child is an individual and this may not necessarily suit her. I also did out of school activities such as cadets, so mixed with plenty of boys. So think it is also nonsense to suggest single sex school produce children who cannot speak to the opposite sex. Kids are all different. You are her mum and you need to go with your gut. I am sure she will do just fine.

Research had proven that between ages 11-16, girls perform better in a single sex environment. Not so for primary/6th form age groups. If I had the opportunity I would send my daughters to girls schools for secondary

I went to mixed in the 90s and found it a horrible experience! The boys were always rating the girls looks out of 10 and being awkward and covered in acne meant I often felt totally self conscious around them. Really put me off my work tbh

I went to a mixed school. I presume it would be different now (this was late 80s, early 90s) but there was a lot of grabbing and groping. Breasts were commented upon, bottoms pinched and hands brushing up against vulvas. This happened all the time and, funnily enough, nobody cared. I think we were at the age where a lot of girls actually liked it, laughed it off, hormones were raging! Looking back, it's horrifying.

The boys were definitely the ones who disrupted lessons, hardly ever girls.

BUT - the bullying was done by the girls. There were some awful queen bees and bitches. I can't imagine being at an all-girls school and being surrounded by that.

So yes, swings and roundabouts.

blackberry
Research had proven that between ages 11-16, girls perform better in a single sex environment
You missed the critical word
classroom
THe ONLY evidence in favour of segregating girls was that in some classes like science, they did better without boys arsing about

BUT
as segregation by sex is widely used to narrow the opportunities of girls I can never EVER support it in state schools

in my private school it created lesbian bullying central - but those teachers have retired now

All girls who went to single sex schools are making up for lost time?? What a stupid, sweeping statement.
Yes, I went to an all girls school. Yes, most of the girls had boyfriends and sex with them. It did help that there was a boys' school nearby. No, it wasn't hugely bitchy, not that I noticed. It was a bit cliquey in the first couple of years, but we all matured eventually. It's cliquey at any school surely.
Different schools suit different pupils as evidenced by the answers on this thread. Life isn't single sex, no, but neither is life primarily spent with people all of a similar age.

I'm still minded of arriving at an (RG) Uni in the early 80s
Impressive as the RG did not exist until 1994
russellgroup.ac.uk/about/

rest of post thus also suspect

"My parents felt it important that we developed out of school relationships too so ensured we did so."

I have a guffaw reaction to that. Fine if you have a kid who likes to do exC activities without their usual school friends. If it's a kid who barely gets out the door in teen years, not so easy.

I went to a girls (RC) school, and I'm in 2 minds about them. On the one hand, I do think girls perform better in them, especially in maths/sciences. However, my school didn't offer woodwork/metalwork/TD, only needlework/domestic science. Admittedly this was in the 70s/80s and probably these subjects don't even exist now, but other traditionally 'male' subjects are, I'm sure, offered at girls schools now as it's probably illegal not to.

Although I have brothers, I came out of school not knowing how to talk to boys, and in this area single sex schools fail.

I definitely wouldn't send a child to a faith school. Religion should be kept out of schools, except for a general education about different faiths, and knowledge of all faiths beliefs and celebrations.

I went to a single sex school. I hated it. we came out with a string of qualifications, no self esteem and zero skills on how to behave around boys.

A school holiday literally had girls chasing the boys from another school round the ferry.

The town I grew up in had 6 single sex state schools including RC and grammar schools and I think 3 were mixed.

Now there are no single sex schools. I think that says a lot, a town where you had as much, or more chance of going to single sex school has voted with its feet.

spidey66

Did we go to the same school I wonder?

I have a guffaw reaction to that

Don't worry. I've had the same reaction to several posts on this thread

I find all these comments assuming that girls in a single sex school will never encounter boys really strange - was your all girls' school on some sort of remote island? I can imagine it for a boarding school, perhaps, but assuming you're leaving the school grounds by 4pm every day how are you managing to lead such a shuttered life? At my school (in the late 90s) we all used to have big, mixed friendship groups that we socialised with (mostly, in standard teenage fashion, by doing absolutely nothing in the town centre all Saturday) by about 13/14.

I think that you, of course, have done the right thing by choosing the particular school that you think is best for your daughter, but I don't think that needs to be justified by generalising about all single sex schools. They're as varied as mixed-sex ones, and just as likely to be good or bad.

Obviously I’m only talking from my own personal experience, but I am so glad that I went to a mixed sex school. My sisters and I all attended mixed sex schools (two different schools aswell) and are all in long term, healthy and stable relationships. We have never struggled socially, and have had the fortune to have mostly positive experiences with men.
My two cousins of the same age both attended the same all girls school. One of them was suicidal in high school, largely due to bullying. The other has been in numerous relationships with men, all which have ended badly. She’s been cheated on, lied to, deceived, you name it. Every time she gets into a relationship it is with someone who’s intentions, in my opinion, are perfectly clear from the get go. She fails to see this though, as does her sister.
Both cousins have really struggled relationship wise. When we were younger and in our teens, we went on a cruise ship holiday. We were given a lot of freedom due to my older sister being an adult, and a cruise ship is considered relatively safe as there’s no where you can go! My cousins had absolutely no clue about the dangers of going off with random men... that or they just didn’t care! Despite being raised in almost the exact same way as my sisters and I, men have always come first for them. They have lost countless friends over it, have endangered themselves and in my opinion just have no idea of how to handle themselves around men.
We have fallen out so many times due to them cancelling plans or arrangements with me and then I discover it is to go and meet up with the new guy, or they have let other family members down when it is the latest crisis.
I love them so dearly, but I can’t help but believe that there high school and total lack of any interaction with males for the first 16 years of their life is the reason for their men issues.

The only lesson here is to not discuss schooling with friends who've made different choices

I have 2 sons yr 12 and yr 13.. ds1 went to an all boys grammar. Is dreadful socially around girls, very shy. Ds2 went to mixed school, has a lovely group of male and female friends and has just moved to an all girls grammar for mixed 6th form. He is being harassed constantly by girls with really inappropriate behaviour which I think is down to overexcitment. I wish they had both gone to the mixed school for all years

My sisters and I all attended mixed sex schools (two different schools aswell) and are all in long term, healthy and stable relationships. We have never struggled socially, and have had the fortune to have mostly positive experiences with men

But this is why anecdotes never work as evidence. You've just described me - I went single sex from 9.

I think you're right KERALA, not discussing peoples differing school choices is probably best for ones sanity.

I'm interested in the poster who mentioned that they didn't have the opportunity to take woodwork and metalwork at their single sec school back in the 80s. I was at a mixed sex school then and us girls were denied access to these lessons too, we had to do food science and seeing.A few of the girls in my class did a sort of intervention which started the change of the status quo.

Leading on from this I was interested on seeing the childcare and health care classes that girls in the two local girls schools take at Gcse. I don't think that the mixed school runs them but I need to check. There didn't seem to be an equivalent practical Gcse course on plumbing or DIY , maybe they don't exist.

Interestingly as the local coed sets there are a lot of girls in the top sets for maths and sciences. Maybe in our particular case the local coed cam offer what the research says is best for girls academic development.

But I'm still deciding OP, I hoped the chat would finish come Easter of Y6 and we could all relax. It seems not. You're thinking seems to be spot on I that you've made a choice and you and DD at happy with it so are getting on with it. I'd only wonder why the other parents feel the need to still "big up" their choices but you, and the others in your situation don't.

I went to a girl's school and loved it. I have friends who didn't like it, and some who moved to mixed schools. It doesn't suit everyone.

I am quite pro-single sex schooling, particularly for girls, but that certainly doesn't mean I think mixed schools are bad. If your daughter is enjoying her current school, she'll be absolutely fine and there's definitely nothing to feel guilty about.

I find all these comments assuming that girls in a single sex school will never encounter boys really strange - was your all girls' school on some sort of remote island?

They were on opposite sides of town and had different starting and finishing times. You didn't really have the opportunity to meet unless you did an out of school activity and they were not as common as they are now.

Sashh - you learnt 'Zero skills on how to behave around boys' - what sort of skills do you think you get from going to a comp like I did? How to ignore them when you get called slag or lesbian for refusing advances?. Boys/men are just humans, you do not require special skills to interact with them!

I went to an all girls but very academic, it was very clicquey and I think a few boys to break it up would have made it better. By sixth form, many of my friends were boys at the school down the road.

Only you know your daughter best and where she'll be happy. If she's bright, she'll succeed anywhere. Being happy with a good friendship group will help her focus on her studies.

I went to an all girls school, however only from years 7-11. I think this was the best way all round for me tbh. I was always very friendly with both the boys and girls I had met from primary and after school clubs/neighbours we used to 'play out' with. But at school During the gcse years I had less destrations. I was a very boisterous kid and if there had been boys at school I know I would have been pissing about with them and not really doing much work. Single sex is better for some than others I don't think there is an overall right decision either way and it will differ from child to child.