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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another parent shouted at me at school gates

105 replies

Itsanothernamechange · 14/10/2017 09:34

Aibu to be bloody annoyed about this.
Back story
Around 3 weeks ago my partner was driving myself and ds to the school to drop him at breakfast club. We were driving down the road parallel to the school. The road is in a 20mph zone and we weren't speeding. A boy who I'd say was a year 3 maybe 4 ran straight out into the road in front of the car so close that we had to hit the breaks. No adult to be seen. As I say we weren't speeding but if it was 2 seconds later he'd have been hit no two ways about it.
Mentioned it to breakfast club as the child was there. Purely because I teach in a school (different school) and this would be something they'd want to know about.

Fast forward to yesterday
Picked my child up from after school club and was walking out of the school when parent of said child stops me and asks "if I was the one who was so concerned about his child's safety." Now I must have looked confused as he said I had told the school that his child was nearly hit by us in a car. At that point I actually naively thought he was going to thank me or something..... oh no silly me

I said yes I did mention it as I thought he was on his own.

He then completely lost it at me saying he was in a car up the street and his son hadn't ran out into the road and it didn't happen the way it was said and it's lies. I reiterated calmly what happened but he just shouted me down. The man was very threatening in his manner he didn't swear but he was intimidating. I'm clearly to look at me, very pregnant and had my 5yo with me and this man was big built and angry.

I'm now really uncomfortable going to school to do pick ups as he does it at the same time and I don't want any more dealings with him. Do you think the head would be able to do something??

Thanks

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 14/10/2017 19:07

Thanks for confirming that Staples.

sima74 · 15/10/2017 17:34

You were right to tell the school what happened and the name of the child, they however should not have told the childs father who you were.

CakesRUs · 15/10/2017 17:40

Yes you need to tell the head, what an idiot. It's easy for me to say, don't let him intimidate you - as he already has - but you are in the right here. Talk to the head, tell her you don't want this escalating or made worse, but his behaviour is alarming and you want it noted.

CakesRUs · 15/10/2017 17:44

Also, I know a woman who knocked down and killed a 7 year old, it was proven that she was not speeding, there was nothing she could've done, it was not her fault. But it changed this woman forever, the guilt, even though she was not guilty. It happens. He's an idiot for not thanking his lucky stars that his child was ok.

LandofTute · 15/10/2017 17:47

I reported a boy running out in front of me to the school too. He looked like a year 6 boy on his own. I don't know who he was but i asked that the head speak to them all about this.

Smudge100 · 15/10/2017 17:58

Actually, I would contact the police, not just the school, in case he tries to make more of it. If you have any independent corroboration of your story, make sure it's recorded, plus the fact that you were pregnant and felt threatened by this person. No doubt he reacted as badly as he did because he felt guilty that his child was put in danger through his neglect. Don't play his game - make sure your viewpoint is recorded.

gillybeanz · 15/10/2017 18:27

This happened to me once years ago. I mentioned it to the head who had the bloke in her office and told him he was lucky I didn't press charges for intimidation.
Your head will want to know, even if it's just on record.

pollymere · 15/10/2017 18:53

He is probably worried that Social Services will get to hear about it and vented on you so you'll back down. He's a waste of space and meant to scare you. Talk to the school about both incidents to cover your back x

SofiaAmes · 15/10/2017 18:59

I am in no way excusing the man's behavior, but why were you complaining about him publicly enough that either the breakfast staff or even worse, his child, overheard you. It was absolutely appropriate to tell the school what happened, but you should have done it quietly and privately not in front of a bunch of random staff and children.

Cubtrouble · 15/10/2017 19:03

Ignore it op. The man is a bully with a teeny tiny penis.

Next time the child and its dick of a parent might not get so lucky. You did the right thing.

roundaboutthetown · 15/10/2017 19:08

It's exceptionally odd, if the father was parked nearby watching his ds's near death experience that he did not get out of his car at the time to see if his ds was OK and not too shaken up (or to verbally abuse the OP, given that he is clearly the aggressive type!). I think him saying he saw it all happen and was anywhere near the scene is a load of cock and bull. He's just an aggressive, lying bully.

dentydown · 15/10/2017 19:09

It probably got reported to single point access and had a family liason officer referral.

teediebellsmum · 15/10/2017 19:42

Definitely tell the school. They could put him on a warning that if he behaves like that again he will not be allowed on school property again. Happened at my school. A father was very abusive and threatening to a mother and her 9 year old. He was told to make alternative arrangements to collect his children. Police were also involved.
Bullies need to be called up on their shit behaviour. If a year 6 child did that to your child you'd report it.

ThickBlackSmoke · 15/10/2017 19:46

Staples I wish you were a governor at our school. I'm a school secretary and have been shouted at by various parents over the past decade - e.g. once a parent accused me of stealing their £8 dinner money that had gone missing, another shouted at me when they didn't receive our school emails. Neither our current nor previous Head had the decency or back bone to put these people straight. I have learned not to take it personally and not to lose sleep over it. Not acceptable though. Really unpleasant being shouted at. Take care Flowers

burninghigh · 15/10/2017 20:02

A year 4 child could be 9 or almost 9. That is perfectly old enough to cross a road not holding daddy's hand.

No, he shouldn't have confronted you in the way you say he did, and yes you were perfectly reasonable to tell the school what happened from your perspective.

However, regardless of the speed limit if you were driving at anything approaching 30mph at school drop off time (including breakfast club) then you were driving badly. The
Speed limit is a maximum and you are meant to take into account all other hazards that may be present. Children running out is a very real possibility. The speed limit by my children's school is 20mph and I think those drivers that do that at drop off / pick up are massively stupid and irresponsible. I don't think you have said what speed you were driving at so apologies if you were going nice and slowly!!

DagenhamRoundhouse · 15/10/2017 20:03

Invest in a dashcam so if this ever, God forbid, happens again, you have filmic proof.

burninghigh · 15/10/2017 20:03

Sorry just realised you said 20mph. It's still too fast when there are children around near a school.

babyno5 · 15/10/2017 20:39

You must tell School and if it happened on school property then they are duty bound to do something about it.
Many years ago I was threatened by one of the fathers in the playground. I reported it to school they chose to take no action and 2 weeks later I was assaulted by his deranged ex wife outside school completely unprovoked. She cut my lip, black eye and fractured my cheekbone-all over me reporting a case of bullying by her child (wonder where he learned such behaviour!). I always believed if school had acted against the threatening father it wouldn’t have escalated

Liketoshop · 15/10/2017 20:41

Guilty conscience loud and clear! Sadly this controlling thick oaf tried to twist it to make you look a liar but all he's done is made himself look stupid. I wonder if he'd would've tried being so bullish to a man? Maybe your partner could be at the school when this fellow is likely to be there. Oh wait! This one drops his small child across the road!

Liketoshop · 15/10/2017 20:45

If your head failed to address abusive behaviour to their staff they have failed in their duty of care towards you. It sends a dismal message that this attitude is perfectly acceptable

sonjadog · 15/10/2017 20:52

Ah, he is one of these people who can never be wrong. Therefore, he has to make sure you know it is YOUR FAULT. This means he is a dick. He´s unlikely to bother you again now he thinks he has shown you how right he was and how wrong you are. Roll your eyes and be thankful you don´t have to live with him.

MaisyPops · 15/10/2017 21:01

It's exceptionally odd, if the father was parked nearby watching his ds's near death experience that he did not get out of his car at the time to see if his ds was OK and not too shaken up (or to verbally abuse the OP, given that he is clearly the aggressive type!). I think him saying he saw it all happen and was anywhere near the scene is a load of cock and bull
I agree.
What sort of parent would see their child almost hit by a car and not do anything?!

He was probably nowhere to be seen, had sent his 8 year old to cross roads without secure road safety and is now looking to blame other people for his own lazy parenting.

(I'm not anti kids walking to school alone by the way. I walked to school alone from 8/9 but we had road safety drilled into us and there was a lollipop lady on the main road.)

carefreeeee · 15/10/2017 21:08

For goodness sake take this as a warning to drive much more slowly and carefully around school. If you had killed the child you would never get over it no matter whose 'fault' it was. Cars are a lethal weapon. Even better walk or cycle your child to school

mythbustinggov · 15/10/2017 21:36

Tell the school, in writing to the head, about the incident and the man's aggression towards you.

Then leave it there and give him a wide berth. The school will have it on record if anything else happens (with you or anyone else).

mummyhappiness · 15/10/2017 21:49

He knows it was his fault he should have been with his child. If you feel threatened contact the police. They would be the ones to talk to him not the head

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