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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another parent shouted at me at school gates

105 replies

Itsanothernamechange · 14/10/2017 09:34

Aibu to be bloody annoyed about this.
Back story
Around 3 weeks ago my partner was driving myself and ds to the school to drop him at breakfast club. We were driving down the road parallel to the school. The road is in a 20mph zone and we weren't speeding. A boy who I'd say was a year 3 maybe 4 ran straight out into the road in front of the car so close that we had to hit the breaks. No adult to be seen. As I say we weren't speeding but if it was 2 seconds later he'd have been hit no two ways about it.
Mentioned it to breakfast club as the child was there. Purely because I teach in a school (different school) and this would be something they'd want to know about.

Fast forward to yesterday
Picked my child up from after school club and was walking out of the school when parent of said child stops me and asks "if I was the one who was so concerned about his child's safety." Now I must have looked confused as he said I had told the school that his child was nearly hit by us in a car. At that point I actually naively thought he was going to thank me or something..... oh no silly me

I said yes I did mention it as I thought he was on his own.

He then completely lost it at me saying he was in a car up the street and his son hadn't ran out into the road and it didn't happen the way it was said and it's lies. I reiterated calmly what happened but he just shouted me down. The man was very threatening in his manner he didn't swear but he was intimidating. I'm clearly to look at me, very pregnant and had my 5yo with me and this man was big built and angry.

I'm now really uncomfortable going to school to do pick ups as he does it at the same time and I don't want any more dealings with him. Do you think the head would be able to do something??

Thanks

OP posts:
JonSnowsWife · 14/10/2017 10:21

How did he know it was you? Were there many parents around at the time? (with it being breakfast club) Or had another member of staff told him?

Notevilstepmother · 14/10/2017 10:22

I think he is probably very angry with himself because he knows deep down his child could have been killed.

Totally unacceptable of him to take it out on you though.

Personally I'd be asking the school what they were thinking naming you and putting you in that situation.

Oldraver · 14/10/2017 10:23

Yes I would mention it to the head. I was screamed at in school by a parent, and in the discussions after the head made it clear that if there were any more outbursts the head could ban the parent from the school

cakedup · 14/10/2017 10:23

Melony6 I disagree, that boy should have been named. The schooo, parent and child need to know that he is not crossing the road safely. This can happen to anyone, child dashes off for some reason. Yes it can happen to any child, including yours. I see the police reports on child fatalities all the time. Too many parents brush it off until it happens to their own child or a child they know. It takes a second for something to go wrong. I had a small child run out to be with his sister on the other side of the road. He was killed by a car going 15mph . Please don't be blase about this.

BitOfANameChange · 14/10/2017 10:23

As someone else posted, who told this man it was you?

Olympiathequeen · 14/10/2017 10:23

I’d not take it any further. He was just angry at being criticised and took it out on you. It’s done now and reporting him will only wind the situation up further. Just avoid eye contact and proximity and forget it.

Lowdoorinthewal1 · 14/10/2017 10:24

I'm really surprised the school told the other parent it was you driving the car.

FenceSitter01 · 14/10/2017 10:25

Why do you think he's going to have the same conversation every night with you ? He won't. It's over and done with.

As you say, he didn't swear, he didn't threaten you - he cant do anything about being 'big built' what do you expect school to ? Tell him not to pick his child up?

Namechangetempissue · 14/10/2017 10:25

I don't think school told -the angry dad said he saw what happened so I would imagine saw the OP and/or her car. Wouldn't take much figuring out.

PurpleMinionMummy · 14/10/2017 10:31

Well unless op left the child wandering alone outside (unlikely) presumably the dad saw the incident, got his child and saw and op at the time?

WellThisIsShit · 14/10/2017 10:32

I'd tell school and find out how the aggressive parent identified you.

I'd not be doing it to inflame the situation, but because they need to know the potential consequences of speaking to the man and ensure that they minimise the aggression and anger towards other parents by the way they handle it.

JonSnowsWife · 14/10/2017 10:34

I don't know if it's just the chesty cough and sleepless night I've had but what do you mean by the road parallel to the school? At the side of the school or at the front? If it's at the front, then there'll be markings and the speed limit would be lower than 20 right? There's a school near us because of the way you have to enter the grounds (up a side road) the SL is 5. Wink

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/10/2017 10:35

Idiotic and vile bully. Were you or he on School property? If you were, the School can act.

JonSnowsWife · 14/10/2017 10:35

*could be lower sorry, not would be lower.

Original poster
Itsanothernamechange · 14/10/2017 10:36

To those who wonder how he knew it was me. I mentioned it to the staff at breakfast club and maybe the child over heard. Or as we drop everyday he may have seen me before. I don't for one minute believe the school mentioned my name to the parent.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsanothernamechange · 14/10/2017 10:37

Yes it started on school site as we were walking down the path out of the main gates then he carried on outside the gates.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsanothernamechange · 14/10/2017 10:39

I can't do a diagram as on my phone and I'm a terrible artist. Basically the next road over from where the school is.

OP posts:
FreakinScaryCaaw · 14/10/2017 10:43

That's terrible. I'm glad you're reporting him.

FenceSitter01 · 14/10/2017 10:44

What do you expect school to do?

JonSnowsWife · 14/10/2017 10:46

I'm now really uncomfortable going to school to do pick ups as he does it at the same time and I don't want any more dealings with him. Do you think the head would be able to do something??

Well if he hasn't said anything else to you since then I doubt the school will ban him from the premises, he still has to pick his child up too. He said his piece you said yours. Mention it to the HT in case it escalates but I doubt it will. DS was once in a school where two mums had a full on cat fight in front of horrified children and parents. Neither was banned from the premises. On the other hand when my Dsis's DCs were in primary they were regularly parents banned from the schools for being aggressive either verbally or physically.

Mittens1969 · 14/10/2017 10:55

I’m glad you’re reporting him, he was well out of order. You were right to mention his DS running across the road, it doesn’t bear thinking about what so nearly happened.

howabout · 14/10/2017 10:56

If a car hits a pedestrian, especially a child outside the school gate, then the driver is always the one at fault. Deflecting onto lack of road safety skills of an 8 year old or deficient supervision is not an excuse.

Winebottle · 14/10/2017 10:59

If the school did not leak your name, I would not bother telling them. The school is not there to fight anyone's corner in arguments between parents.

If he committed a crime or if you genuinely do feel threatened, go to the police. Otherwise, people being nasty is a fact of life and you just have to take it. It is horrible but you will feel more comfortable with it with time.

Lindy2 · 14/10/2017 11:03

He was in a car up the street whilst his young child ran into a road and he thinks that is ok? Clearly it is not and neither is his behaviour to you.
Let the school know what has happened.

blanklook · 14/10/2017 11:15

Agree with all who say let the Head know this man is abusive.
If you're driving in that situation every day it may be worthwhile getting a dashcam.