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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to say no you can't

105 replies

mydecisionalone · 13/10/2017 14:18

Mumsnetters appear to be great advocates of personal choice and of the word "no" meaning simply that, so I'm hoping you will take the time to read this and stop doing something which far too many people do without, seemingly, caring about the consequences of their actions.

This may appear to be a minor irritant but it is something I feel very strongly about and I know I'm not alone - people posting images of my children on the Internet.

There are many reasons why this shouldn't happen.

A simple Google search will throw up plenty of forum posts, polls, advice, newspaper articles, research etc. If you want to learn more go have a look.

Want to know my reasons for not posting photos of my kids online? I'm not telling you! I'm not being enigmatic or mysterious, they are my kids, my choices and frankly none of your business.

Too often people argue "it's no big deal", "who cares", "I don't see the problem".

That's not good enough. It is a big deal to some people, they do care and just because you don't see the problem doesn't mean there isn't one.

Think about the last time you went to a party/gathering/event and posted pictures on sites such as Facebook afterwards. Did you ask all the parents there if they minded you putting photos that their kids were in online?

Do you use the argument that you've got great privacy settings?
Congratulations, you still shouldn't do it. Not your kids, not your choice.

I don't know your great aunt Mabel or Bob your second cousin. I don't know who they may choose to forward the photo onto and neither do you.

Think I should waste my precious time contacting internet sites to get photos taken down or calling individuals to ask them to remove photos?

Why on earth should I?!?

Not your kids. Not your choice to pop that piccy on Facebook with them in it.

There are kids across this country who, for very real safety reasons, must not be identified or their location alluded to.

Do you know whether that child sat next to your kid at the picnic is one of them? Are you willing to risk a child's safety simply because you want to put a cute photo online?

Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.
Please think before posting and set some boundaries. Common sense should surely suggest if they aren't your children you don't get to make decisions about them.

If you want to put photos of your children on the Internet then that's your decision but next time crop other people's kids out first.

Don't assume they won't mind or that it's no big deal.
There are lots of people who do mind - very, very much.

We shouldn't need to go to a party and announce to the assembled masses that we don't want you to do it or dress our kids in T-shirts emblazoned with a "no photo" slogan.

I shouldn't have to tell all and sundry not to do it. I shouldn't have to explain why either. They aren't your children so don't do it. Show some respect. Think!

A stranger knocks on your door tonight and asks to take a photo of your children...
Do you let them?

I can't imagine any of you saying yes to that but by posting photos of my children online without my permission you are letting strangers see and store pictures of the things most precious to me in the world and you do not have the right to do that - ever.

Please link this, comment, stick it on social media... Please spread the word that it's not okay to assume your choices are the same as everyone else's.

One person changing their actions might, at the least, save another from being upset or it might, potentially, stop something far, far worse from happening.

Thanks for reading and hopefully thinking.

Sent from my iPad

OP posts:
BishBoshBashBop · 13/10/2017 14:19
Hmm
AllTheWittyNamesAreGone · 13/10/2017 14:21

Christ that's waffley

Sent from my sons kindle, I've lost mine

MrsOverTheRoad · 13/10/2017 14:23

Ranty much?

You could have posted the same thing in about....oooh...one pararaph.

user1493413286 · 13/10/2017 14:24

I’ll admit I skimmed your post a bit but I agree with the principle; I don’t put photos of my children online and I’m not happy when other people do it and I don’t see the need to keep explaining to people why I don’t like it.

Nandoshoes · 13/10/2017 14:24

Sent from my sons kindle, I've lost mine............ hahahhahaha FFS im logging off, im done

BenLui · 13/10/2017 14:24

I don’t disagree with you, I don’t post pictures of other people’s children online.

However, your message is mostly lost in your verbose posting style I’m afraid.

GreenTulips · 13/10/2017 14:26

I totally agree with you!

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin · 13/10/2017 14:26

Best you contact the press then, when they take random crowd shots and don't pixellate faces. Aunty Bob might see it Hmm.

Out of curiosity, do you do a Michael Jackson and put a veil over your offspring when out and about?

scaryteacher · 13/10/2017 14:30

Posting style is fine, don't worry OP. I agree with you totally, I've taught some kids for whom the consequences of their whereabouts being known would have had awful repercussions; and as I value my privacy and don't do FB for that reason, I think that children should have their privacy protected.

Alexkate2468 · 13/10/2017 14:30

I did ask permission before posting pictures of my dd's party. Everyone thought I was silly.

You didn't do yourself any favours with the tone and wording of your post.

Mulberry72 · 13/10/2017 14:34

I totally agree, but you do waffle on a bit!

BrieAndChilli · 13/10/2017 14:34

I can see you point about posting photos of others people children if they are in the main shot and so associated with my children/kids school etc as then the odds of someone I know knowing someone who knows your kids is very high but if they are in the background I can’t really see the problem eg if I am at a farm park/theme park/holiday and take a pic of my kids and your kids happen to be in the background (and they would be either very small or just a portion of them as I don’t tend to take photos when other kids are in the way!) the odds of someon on my face book knowing your kids is just the same odds of the at person walking past your kids in the street so unless you make them wear masks when out in public I can’t see the issue?

BishBoshBashBop · 13/10/2017 14:38

Sent from my sons kindle, I've lost mine

Ha brilliant

ReanimatedSGB · 13/10/2017 14:49

Oh get over yourself.

Giraffey1 · 13/10/2017 14:51

Eh?

brasty · 13/10/2017 14:53

I don't put photos of people on facebook without permission. But anyone can be in a crowd shot anyway in newspapers, or TV. My DP was in a crowd shot for a train advert.

AliPfefferman · 13/10/2017 14:53

TL; DR

Topseyt · 13/10/2017 14:53

I might agree, but your post was very waffly and ranty.

Just say that you aren't happy for other people to photograph your children and post the pics online. Don't launch into a tirade about it and lecture, as you will lose your audience before you get halfway through.

Hollystyrene · 13/10/2017 14:55

We shouldn't need to go to a party and announce to the assembled masses that we don't want you to do it or dress our kids in T-shirts emblazoned with a "no photo" slogan.

Please tell me you do this, OP.

Topseyt · 13/10/2017 14:55

By the way, sent from my Lenovo tablet. 😂

scaryteacher · 13/10/2017 15:05

The point is that some entitled gits ignore the no photos request, and this can lead to all sorts of unforeseen consequences.

SootSprite · 13/10/2017 15:09

Bloody hell OP, if you want to change people’s behaviour etc you will have to be a lot more succinct than that. I fell asleep halfway through.

The only thing that saved your post was WittyNames hysterical response.

HTH.

Sent from my sofa.

HotelEuphoria · 13/10/2017 15:12

Can someone tell me what this is about please in a couple of sentences?

Sent from my work laptop.

TheDizzyRascal · 13/10/2017 15:14

Bravo AllTheWittyNamesHaveGone, Bravo xx

GinIsIn · 13/10/2017 15:15

Maybe summarise to something shorter than the dictionary?

Sent from my kitchen