Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to say no you can't

105 replies

mydecisionalone · 13/10/2017 14:18

Mumsnetters appear to be great advocates of personal choice and of the word "no" meaning simply that, so I'm hoping you will take the time to read this and stop doing something which far too many people do without, seemingly, caring about the consequences of their actions.

This may appear to be a minor irritant but it is something I feel very strongly about and I know I'm not alone - people posting images of my children on the Internet.

There are many reasons why this shouldn't happen.

A simple Google search will throw up plenty of forum posts, polls, advice, newspaper articles, research etc. If you want to learn more go have a look.

Want to know my reasons for not posting photos of my kids online? I'm not telling you! I'm not being enigmatic or mysterious, they are my kids, my choices and frankly none of your business.

Too often people argue "it's no big deal", "who cares", "I don't see the problem".

That's not good enough. It is a big deal to some people, they do care and just because you don't see the problem doesn't mean there isn't one.

Think about the last time you went to a party/gathering/event and posted pictures on sites such as Facebook afterwards. Did you ask all the parents there if they minded you putting photos that their kids were in online?

Do you use the argument that you've got great privacy settings?
Congratulations, you still shouldn't do it. Not your kids, not your choice.

I don't know your great aunt Mabel or Bob your second cousin. I don't know who they may choose to forward the photo onto and neither do you.

Think I should waste my precious time contacting internet sites to get photos taken down or calling individuals to ask them to remove photos?

Why on earth should I?!?

Not your kids. Not your choice to pop that piccy on Facebook with them in it.

There are kids across this country who, for very real safety reasons, must not be identified or their location alluded to.

Do you know whether that child sat next to your kid at the picnic is one of them? Are you willing to risk a child's safety simply because you want to put a cute photo online?

Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.
Please think before posting and set some boundaries. Common sense should surely suggest if they aren't your children you don't get to make decisions about them.

If you want to put photos of your children on the Internet then that's your decision but next time crop other people's kids out first.

Don't assume they won't mind or that it's no big deal.
There are lots of people who do mind - very, very much.

We shouldn't need to go to a party and announce to the assembled masses that we don't want you to do it or dress our kids in T-shirts emblazoned with a "no photo" slogan.

I shouldn't have to tell all and sundry not to do it. I shouldn't have to explain why either. They aren't your children so don't do it. Show some respect. Think!

A stranger knocks on your door tonight and asks to take a photo of your children...
Do you let them?

I can't imagine any of you saying yes to that but by posting photos of my children online without my permission you are letting strangers see and store pictures of the things most precious to me in the world and you do not have the right to do that - ever.

Please link this, comment, stick it on social media... Please spread the word that it's not okay to assume your choices are the same as everyone else's.

One person changing their actions might, at the least, save another from being upset or it might, potentially, stop something far, far worse from happening.

Thanks for reading and hopefully thinking.

Sent from my iPad

OP posts:
Papafran · 13/10/2017 15:17

It's fair enough OP, but what if your kids are in the background in a picture? That would mean that nobody could ever take pictures at a party or social gathering in case there were inadvertent pictures of someone's kids there. Obviously if people know there are safeguarding reasons not to broadcast pictures, they should respect that though.

Papafran · 13/10/2017 15:18

Oh and mine was sent from my laptop btw- don't have an ipad. (sad face)

GnomeDePlume · 13/10/2017 15:20

BrieAndChilli it's the degrees of separation thing. Children who have been adopted, taken into care, have dodgy relatives, are the subject of restraining orders may need to have their location kept private. Children of parents with more sensitive careers (including police officers, prison officers) also may prefer to keep their location private.

Facial recognition software is very available. A child in a school uniform, or in a recogniseable location such as a soft play centre, farm petting farm all create a link to an area. Facial recognition software can then be used to link one photograph to another. Each link is innocuous but link to link makes a chain.

For most people this doesnt matter. But for some it does, very much.

This may not be the reason for the OP's desire for privacy but for many people it is. You may not notice the child in the background but a computer system might.

Bluntness100 · 13/10/2017 15:21

Honestly? You have a point, but you repeated yourself ad nauseum and that really detracts from the message, it doesn’t reenforce it.

mrsincognito · 13/10/2017 15:22

Sent from my sons kindle, I've lost mine

Hahaha!

Anecdoche · 13/10/2017 15:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluntness100 · 13/10/2017 15:25

Op' did you actually type that in, sent from my ipad? Or did you copy paste an email and not bother reading it?

Sent from my sofa

Winterwonderblue · 13/10/2017 15:25

OP I would only suggest that you keep your child in at all times and that's means- NO parties, NO play days out, absolutely NO school plays. Oh and just to be safe MUST wear a mask at all time, what with all the technology these days.
The poor mite.

GnomeDePlume · 13/10/2017 15:25

Not sure why the OP is getting so many smartarse comments back.

This is a serious issue and obviously the OP feels strongly about it. How about having a little empathy folks.

Winterwonderblue · 13/10/2017 15:27

The thing is its impossible not to have your pic out there at some point. These days you can't really avoid it.

BenLui · 13/10/2017 15:28

Gnome perhaps it’s because of this:

“Please link this, comment, stick it on social media...”

LittleLionMansMummy · 13/10/2017 15:28

You have too much time on your hands. And not enough other things to think about.

Whambarsarentasfizzyastheywere · 13/10/2017 15:28

I agree with what you say, but you could have just said -

Please dont post pictures of kids online without permission from their parents.

Posted from my phone which has a smudge of jaffa cake on it (I hope its jaffa cake anyway)

Witchend · 13/10/2017 15:29

HotelEuphoria it's a rant that she doesn't want people to post any photos anywhere which might have her dc on. Not sure why she thinks ranting at us is any good for, as far as anyone knows, we don't anyway.

Sent from my toaster.

Bluntness100 · 13/10/2017 15:32

I hope its jaffa cake anyway

We all do...our thoughts are with you. Don’t lick it just in case. Grin

Whambarsarentasfizzyastheywere · 13/10/2017 15:34

Bluntness100 dont worry I'll do the sniff 'n' lick Grin

CoughLaughFart · 13/10/2017 15:35

The OP is getting 'smartarse' comments because she is on the attack. She could have made a serious point - instead she's launched a tirade at strangers, as if we've all taken pictures of her child and shared them, whereas in fact we might have all agreed with her point.

Sent from heaven on the wings of an angel

whyayepetal · 13/10/2017 15:35

Absolutely OP. I agree with you - reasons already explained very well by scary

peppersaunt · 13/10/2017 15:37

The OP looks like it should be on Facebook followed by "99% of people won't repost this but I know who will"

PuppyMonkey · 13/10/2017 15:38

OP, your point has been lost because of your horrible sanctimonious posting style:

"I shouldn't have to tell all and sundry not to do it. I shouldn't have to explain why either. They aren't your children so don't do it. Show some respect. Think! "

Bugger off.

Sent from my Olivetti typewriter

Gemini69 · 13/10/2017 15:41

I don't use Facebook or Instagram or Tweeter.. Hmm

I use Mumsnet Grin

gamerchick · 13/10/2017 15:42

I’m not posting that long arsed waffle on my facebook. People will think I’ve been hacked!

As an aside I don’t take photos of other people’s kids. Other people’s kids don’t interest me. But I promise from the bottom of my heart OP I won’t take any photos of your kids and post them on Facebook.

Feel better?

GinIsIn · 13/10/2017 15:44

That's the sad thing - somewhere in there, the OP has a point. It just gets very lost.

Scratched in calligraphy ink by the claws of my pet kestrel.

Marmighty · 13/10/2017 15:45

What's with all the preachy blog-style posts recently? Don't people realise that attention spans are no more than three short paragraphs these days?

Sent from MIL's kitchen while scavenging for sweet treats

pasturesgreen · 13/10/2017 15:46

Bloody hell, OP, give over and get off your soapbox!

Your point is valid, pity it gets lost in between all the rambling.

Sent from my Samsung phone.