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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Surely he was being U?!

60 replies

NoMapOfMyHead · 13/10/2017 07:39

He doesn't seem to think so and thinks I was!

We're due to go out tonight. 1st time together since dc have been born... ds is 8!!

7am in bed with a cuppa.

Me: Do you still want to go out tonight?
DH: What, yeah why you asking I've only just woken up!
Me: Because I need to let dfriend know that we're still going. Have you asked GP if they can watch DC.
DH: No, get off my case, we've just woken up.
Me: Well yiu need to ask them, we need to know.
DH: Stop going on, stop being a bitch!

So I got pissed off, told him what the big deal was and walked out the room.

What was the big fucking deal?

OP posts:
mumonashoestring · 13/10/2017 07:40

You could have picked your moment a bit better, he didn't need to be so rude. Neither exactly coming out well tbh.

Original poster
NoMapOfMyHead · 13/10/2017 07:47

Picked my moment to ask a simple question Confused
When would the best moment have been?... After cuppa? Before breakfast?

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 13/10/2017 07:47

How long was the night out planned for? Why on earth was he leaving it til the day of to ask his parents to babysit. The likelihood is they would have plans by now surely.

I'd be furious if my dh called me a bitch. Go out with your friends instead.

AragornsManlyStubble · 13/10/2017 07:50

Frankly I'd be pissed off at his attitude towards spending time with me. I like there to be some level of excitement and planning as my partner and I also don't go out much.

But yes, you picked the wrong time and should have backed off.

kaytee87 · 13/10/2017 07:51

Op didn't you know you shouldn't ask your husband a question when his lordship has woken up, eating, home from work, about to go to bed, watching football, doing diy, scratching his arse..... so basically, never otherwise you're a nag Wink

ziggiestardust · 13/10/2017 07:54

By saying 'get off my case' that would have irritated me if that was my DH. I would have expected him to say 'no, but I'll ring them in a minute, just let me wake up a sec'.

There's no need for him to respond in such a hostile way. If you've got a question you've got a question, you've not woken him up at 2am to ask it!

I'd also have expected him to have arranged childcare before now... bit last minute, hope Granny doesn't have any plans...

makemyminduptime · 13/10/2017 07:55

He was definitely being unreasonable, and rude. And if it was his responsibility to sort out the baby sitters why on earth hasn't he done it by now?

What's your relationship like generally? And seriously have you not been on a night out together in 8 years?!

Original poster
NoMapOfMyHead · 13/10/2017 07:59

The night out was arranged on Monday. He's seen his folks twice in the past 2 days! He has had loads of time to ask. So I'd assumed he'd already ask and was asking him this morning to confirm.

Seriously, 8yrs! We don't live near relatives so never had the chance. GP are stayimg locally for a few days and at the same time an invite to go out was offered to us.

We do alot together during the day together

OP posts:
MargaretTwatyer · 13/10/2017 08:00

Nagging someone the minute they wake up is asking for trouble. You could have waited five minutes and let him get his bearings. My husband does this to me sometimes and it's horrible and disorientating the second you wake up to have someone badgering you.

fc301 · 13/10/2017 08:03

My DH is lovely. But we can’t converse before 8am as he is grumpy AF.
You picked a poor moment and then badgered him instead of backing off. But he was U.

kaytee87 · 13/10/2017 08:04

margaret how is asking a couple of questions nagging? Also if they were having a cup of tea they must have been up for at least a few minutes and be fully awake.

PoundsShillingsPence · 13/10/2017 08:07

I wouldn't have got much sense out of my DH if I had tried asking him questions at 7am! I'm a morning person, as soon as the alarm goes off I'm ready for the world but dh is not - he likes to come round in his own time and I accept that now.
I think you were both in the wrong - you for pushing it when he had just woken up and had made it obvious that he wan't up for the conversation and him for speaking to you in the way he did.
Why wasn't this discused before? 7am on the day you are going out seems like a a bit late to be firming up the arrangements?

KoalaD · 13/10/2017 08:07

He called you a bitch for asking a couple of questions?

Yeah, to anybody with any standards at all -HWBU.

AlternativeTentacle · 13/10/2017 08:10

Don't discuss it again, and go out on your own.

Original poster
NoMapOfMyHead · 13/10/2017 08:10

He made the brew so he'd already been out of bed. We'd be awake for about 15 minutes when I asked.
I asked a couple questions and I'm on his case. I resent being called a nag, when I'm not one.
As pp said above, are you automatically a nag if you ask your dh questions?

OP posts:
KoalaD · 13/10/2017 08:12

No, you're not. It's a horrible and ridiculous thing to say.

SaucyJack · 13/10/2017 08:14

He was rude.

Are his parents likely to take being asked to babysit well? I would assume that they wouldn't from his behaviour, and that he was taking his anxiety out on you.

whitehorsesdonotlie · 13/10/2017 08:20

Why did he leave it so late before arranging babysitters?

HWBU. Dh has never called me a bitch. Over something so minor? He's a twat.

Moussemoose · 13/10/2017 08:21

You asked. He made it clear it was too early - in his opinion. You carried on. He shouted.

You think it wasn't too early. It wasn't for you but it was for him. I'd have probably told you to leave it out. It would be too early for me. You ignored his request and didn't like the consequences. Tough.

Moussemoose · 13/10/2017 08:21

He shouldn't call you a bitch though.

diddl · 13/10/2017 08:22

Gosh he sounds awful!

Just go with your friend.

If your husband has organised babysitting he'll be there as well.
If he hasn't...

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 13/10/2017 08:23

I wouldn't have the best reaction if somebody was asking me questions the minute I woke up. You could have waited a bit for him too wake up, and he shouldn't have called you a name.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 13/10/2017 08:24

white yet youre calling her DH a twat over somethibg so minor.

KoalaD · 13/10/2017 08:26

It wasn't 'the minute they woke up'. RTFT.

CoughLaughFart · 13/10/2017 08:27

Calling you a bitch is definitely not on - but when someone has said twice 'Give me a minute' or similar, 'But I need to know nooowww!' can seem like nagging.

Is there any reason you're only checking about the babysitting today? If he said he was going to sort it out, why do you think he hasn't? Or is it more that you thought 'his parents = his job' and now you've realised you'd assumed he'd asked and are panicking a bit?