Who is being unreasonable? Taking daughter to gymnastics

[ItLooksABitOff]

We have one DD, aged around 12. She does a gym class from 8pm until 9:30 on Wednesday evenings. Normally my OH drives us all to gym and then he and I hang out together. Important fact: he's the only driver in the family, but I cycle & use transit to get around so never rely on him for lifts etc.

When I got home last night he was on a conference call. I had cycled home (10 k) and then I made dinner for us all, walked the dog etc, so he didn't have to do it. When it came time to drive DD to gym I said I'd rather stay home and wash my hair/ have a bath, and he was furious, claiming I was using him as a taxi.

I think driving your child to gymnastics is not 'using him as a taxi". He thinks it is, because I organised the class with DD and I could take her on the bus. But she doesn't like the bus, she likes being driven (obs).

Who is right?

He's a bit of a dick isn't he?

Can I say your anxiety may well improve without treading on eggshells all the time.

Agree Starlight. A negative partners attitude is insidious, only when you're away from them do you notice the effect they have on you...🤔

I have always been the only driver in the house.
If I was in the situation described in the OP, I might have felt peeved if I'd been looking forward to some relaxing time with my DH but the next day I'd have apologised and said that was the reason.

Your DH's attitude is totally crap and his making your DD feel bad about this is not on.

Seriously, why are staying with him? You're putting in a ton of effort (counselling etc), and getting crumbs back in return. You dream of being on your own - just do it.

You do need to learn to drive, but it sounds more like he's using that as another excuse to be an arse

I think it boils down to the fact that presumably he had agreed to be the driver for the gymnastics class but that he liked it that you both went to it.

He had been working while you cooked and walked the dog etc so when you suddenly told him you weren't going it was annoying because a) you told him, rather than suggested it to see if he was ok with that and b) it was a last minute change of plan and c) as people have pointed out, he had no way of opting out and having a bath himself as you don't drive.

I can see why he got annoyed. But then again, I don't know how well you discussed the transport to the class before setting it up , nor how he feels about being the only driver.

He says it's up to you to get DD to the class as you arranged it. Did you run it past him at the time to check he was okay doing the transport for it?
If not, he may have felt taken for granted, but should have said so at the time.
He's still being a jerk now.

The driving issue pales into insignificance compared to this incredibly worrying statement
I've learnt to deescalate him

OP - it is not your responsibility to manage his behaviour and if this is what your councillor has taught you then a) you need to find a new one and b) you need to go alone.

I think he's pissed off at being the only driver, and I don't blame him.

Learn to drive and share the load in ferrying the family around.