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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let potential new neighbour view my house?

71 replies

Wisterical · 12/10/2017 14:42

I live in a block of four housing association flats. Yesterday three people I didn't know were in the shared back garden, chatting to each other. After about 10 minutes I went out and said hi, err who are you? One of them (Doreen) said she had just been offered the tenancy of the flat next door and the other two where her friends who live locally. Doreen said she didn't know when she'd be moving in as current tenant hasn't moved out yet. So we had a short, friendly chat and eventually they left.

Today Doreen's friend knocked on my door and asked if Doreen could come and have a look around my flat, to get an idea of the layout and size (it will be mirror image of her flat).

I said perhaps they could talk to the HA about a viewing or she could ask current tenant to let her look around - but they don't want to do that because they don't know her. They don't know me either!

AIBU to say not let her look around my flat? I get on well with all my neighbours but really value my privacy and only invite friends inside. Am I being too uptight and unhelpful? I've thought about drawing her a nice diagram, with room measurements, but suspect that's a bit ridiculous of me.

OP posts:
PersianCatLady · 12/10/2017 14:46

In our area, if you are found to have been asking for viewings behind the HA's back then you aren't allowed to bid on properties for a set amount of time.

cingolimama · 12/10/2017 14:47

Yes sorry, I think you are being too uptight and unhelpful. This person is going to be your neighbour! Someone who might be doing you favours one day. Someone you want to be on good terms with.

It's ten minutes with (if you're feeling generous) a cup of tea thrown in. Of course you don't have to invite them in - it's your right. But I think it's very odd.

NearLifeExperience · 12/10/2017 14:48

YANBU. Cheeky feckers.

formerbabe · 12/10/2017 14:50

It's ten minutes with (if you're feeling generous) a cup of tea thrown in. Of course you don't have to invite them in - it's your right. But I think it's very odd

It's really not odd at all.
Op...yanbu.

ittakes2 · 12/10/2017 14:51

YANBU - they are!

Snap8TheCat · 12/10/2017 14:52

How does the op know they’re telling the truth, they could be any Maud, Jill or Annie!

FatBastardHead · 12/10/2017 14:52

YANBU but I think it'd sour neighbour relations to just say "No" outright (even though it shouldn't). Why didn't come and ask herself? What kind of feeling did you get from Doreen and her friends? Are they people you'd trust in your house?

ParanoidBeryl · 12/10/2017 14:53

No, YANBU.

BlackPepperCrab · 12/10/2017 14:54

YANBU. Everyone has boundaries with regards to their personal space.

Minidoghugs · 12/10/2017 14:55

I would invite her in if my house was tidy. I wouldn't tidy up specially. But if you are worried she might be the sort to ask lots of favours and be round for a chat every 5 mins best to drop a few reasons you are often unavailable into the conversation.

ShotsFired · 12/10/2017 14:57

Why wouldn't they go to the actual flat that she is planning (hoping?) on getting? It may be a mirror image on paper but that actual flat may be decorated or internally different entirely!

It's hardly asking a favour of a life long friendship based on a quick hello in a shared garden.

Somerford · 12/10/2017 15:02

Yes sorry, I think you are being too uptight and unhelpful

I think it's completely normal to not want strangers snooping around your house. I wouldn't allow it if I were in OP's position.

BarbarianMum · 12/10/2017 15:02

I think this is one of those situations where it was fine for her to ask and fine for you to refuse.

ReanimatedSGB · 12/10/2017 15:06

A polite No is fine. After all, you don't know that these people are who they say they are - and I am not sure they should have been in the private garden in the first place.

guilty100 · 12/10/2017 15:09

I would, if only for getting off on the right foot with a new neighbour. The value of having a good relationship is greater to my mind than the value of any privacy.

InvisibleLlama · 12/10/2017 15:11

I'd wonder why Doreen's friend was asking, not Doreen herself.

Ttbb · 12/10/2017 15:15

For all you know they might be thieves scoping out places where they can steal. It's not like she's buying the place or renting properly anyway. If she cares that much what the layout is like she can wait for the other tennants to vacate and then have a look-what difference does it make to her anyway-surely it's not like she has any other option. At best she is being nosy, st worst she's a theif.

krustykittens · 12/10/2017 15:16

YANBU

AshleySilver · 12/10/2017 15:17

YANBU I wouldn't feel comfortable with that either.

20lbsToLose · 12/10/2017 15:22

You don't know them.

Don't let them in to your home.

Tough if they want to view, and I would be tempted to report. Sounds harsh but they're being very rude.

Lunde · 12/10/2017 15:26

You don't know these people - you don't even know that they have any connection to the HA.

Majormanner · 12/10/2017 15:27

you don't know them - quite frankly they could be casing out your joint! In all seriousness - its your home, I wouldn't feel comfortable with that request either

Original poster
Wisterical · 12/10/2017 15:28

reanimatedSGB I agree, they definitely shouldn't have been in the garden in the first place! They had walked right along the side garden and through a gate to get into our shared garden. Then in just a five minute chat the new tenant told me loads of personal stuff, over-sharing health problems etc and when her friend knocked today she told me how difficult tenants life had been recently - so I'm worried that if I don't draw my boundaries now it will be increasingly difficult to when/if she moves in.

But even if I hadn't got this impression I'd still not want anyone but friends inside. I am reassured by most people not thinking I'm being unreasonable though I feel uncomfortable about being unhelpful.

OP posts:
SandyDenny · 12/10/2017 15:29

I don't understand why they cant look at the one they are interested in. Is it a rule of the housing association?

It's cheeky imo and you are quite OK to politely refuse

diddl · 12/10/2017 15:30

So a friend, not the possible tenant asked to look at a flat that she won't be getting tenancy of.

Odd imo.