Selectively anti-social colleague

[overun]

Does anyone else have to put up with a selectively anti-social work colleague?

I’ve been struggling with one for over a year. She talks only to those above her. The manager, boss etc. I’m on the same level as her work wise but she sees me as nothing, not worth talking to or looking at, it makes working with her uncomfortable and difficult.

AIBU to complain about this? How do I do it without it sounding petty?

Of course it’s affecting my work, this person doesn’t communicate with me at all!

Yes everyone else is fine and friendly enough.

hi OP
really sorry if I missed this, but is it literally that if you walk in and say "hello" - she will blank you? Not even nod in acknowledgement?

I have a friend who worked in a school and from day onee a colleague never spoke to her. She spoke to others but not her. Nothing happened to cause this. My friend practically had a breakdown , couldn't sleep and eventually left the school.
You have my total sympathy op. This is horrible bullying and l really hope she gets dealt with quite severely.

What a horrid environment to have to work in. I wonder what will happen when she needs your help, she'll have to speak to her then. Just act with maturity and graciousness. At the end of the day she is just someone you have to work with, even if its for a long time each day, but your family and friends are much much more important.

You have my sympathy. There's someone at my work like that. They talk to the rest of us when it suits them (and generally when they want something) and then when someone higher is around their nose and cheeks and mouth and face is so brown that it's horrendously awful to watch.

I used to get wound up by it but now I just humour them and pity them.

“If it's just you she ignores then I think that it is an issue, excluding and isolating one person isn't on”.

^This. She has singled you out for some reason. She obviously has a problem with you and I would be taking it further like reporting to your manager or HR

There is no obvious reason for this behaviour, she literally behaves like I’m invisible, no talking at all, turns her head every time she walks past me, undermines me and talks to everyone else in the room, it has affected work and I’ve brought those instances up in my grievance it’s also affecting my health now which is one of the reasons I really want this situation resolved.

I remember a person posting about this in the past, possibly it was you? Did you write that this problem she had with you was pretty much immediate? You are "equals" in terms of your role, but are you younger than her? More qualified (in terms of educational qualifications) perhaps - or much younger but with the same qualification/regarded equally professionally? Do you have something she doesn't have but wants perhaps? (Happy relationship, children, good family or friend relationships, health/vitality, greater wealth, etc?) I know it's uncomfortable to think about in these terms/may seem like an ego-boosting "easy way out" but human nature (for some humans) can be jealous and ugly and people can live pretty miserable lives in which they may lash out at others to feel better about their own sources of pain. This may be tormenting you but it's very liberating when you get to the point of realising it's her problem and likely the reflection of a sad life. You may be the one she's targeting now but it's probably a pattern in her relationships longer term. I'm sorry you're going through this, I went through something a bit similar which only really got resolved when it was brought to our boss' attention by a mutual colleague who was witnessing a lot of this rubbish. In my case the "perpetrator" denied everything and feigned ignorance when formally addressed, but she has been so much better since. And the fact that my (nice) colleague made the complaint and not me made things a lot less stressful for me. Can your colleagues help you similarly?

Also if I recall correctly was this your "dream job" otherwise, which is why you're reluctant to leave? If you're the same poster then with the back story this is 100% extremely nasty bullying, not "a non-issue" or someone being "selectively antisocial" - she is treating you like a non-person.

overun - so the answer to my question is that you will say hello xx and she will blank you?

If she is giving even a tiny bit of acknowledgement, that is what she will say when she's asked about it.

It’s outright bullying.
I’d be tempted to have cameras installed in the office so things can be monitored from a neutral viewpoint.

As a manager I’d probably want to position myself in the office to see her behaviour and pull her up immediately each and every time.

Good luck with the grievance, although sometimes I think it’s best to take the bull by the horns and challenge rudeness.

“Hellooo! I said hellooo!! Are you quite alright?! Am I invisible?! Gosh did you mean to be so rude?!” ^^

^Loudly, and look puzzled with head tilt.
Draw massive attention to her weird behaviour. **^
Face her every time, bullies like her need calling out and challenging every time.

It’s been a little over 2 weeks now since I handed in my grievance letter. I’ve not heard anything at all. It is the investigation stage so maybe it’s going on and nobody is talking about it? The horrible behaviour towards me continues. I worry what the outcome will be.