Selectively anti-social colleague

[overun]

Does anyone else have to put up with a selectively anti-social work colleague?

I’ve been struggling with one for over a year. She talks only to those above her. The manager, boss etc. I’m on the same level as her work wise but she sees me as nothing, not worth talking to or looking at, it makes working with her uncomfortable and difficult.

AIBU to complain about this? How do I do it without it sounding petty?

Have you tried chatting to her? I detest work events and would never socialise at work (except I did manage to drag myself to the Christmas party but that was a massive trial) but I would speak to people at work when necessary. Some people might see that as that I am awful but it's just a personality thing.

Do you have to speak to this person in order to do your job? I am NC with a colleague at my work due to previous bullying. I will speak to them if they ask me a question but otherwise stay away and ignore them

Maybe she doesn;t like you - so what ?, she can still be civil and speak to you when communication is required. She sounds like a bully - sheis singling you out for this treatment, wouldn't be so bad if she didn't speak to anyone.

She's there to work, not to socialise.I suggest you do the same - can you not see the difference between socialising and civil everyday communication with work colleagues in a job that requires communication? If she needs to communicate with OP then she isn't working effectively.

She isn't being payed to be your friend - She's not being paid to bully peiple either is she ?

These people saying all this shite about this behaviour being OK - I can only assume they are work place bullies as well, because their idea of decent behaviour is so far removed from the norm it comes over as deliberately spiteful.

Sorry you are having to deal with this unpleasant woman OP. If it is affecting you then I would have a word with HR or whoever deals with these things, There may have been other complaints about her, or others may have noticed the way she treats you, at;least log it so that if things get worse you have it on record.

You say you have tested it and if in a room together she ignores you but then talks if someone else comes in. I am assuming that if someone else on your level or below came in she would ignore them as well??

You can ignore. (Remembering it's not you it's them!)

Mention it to your boss if it's the sort of place they might take positive action.

Put efforts in to crack the shell: I have managed to win people like this around but it took effort and a thick skin. Not sure I'd have the energy to bother nowadays.

Final option would focus on relationships with other staff. Maybe even play the same game. Will take effort but they might provide a better payback.

For the love of god this is not bullying it’s simply not wanting to chat about random things with the Op at work and no she doesn’t have to be civil unless it’s in her work contract that she must pander to the insecurities or her work collleagues. At the end of the day if it is affecting your job then make a complaint or shock horror why not approach the woman and speak to her about your problem, because this is your problem and see if you can fix the problem.

Do you know I hate how some people throw the word bullying around at the drop of a hat it actually does a disservice to people who are genuinely having their lives made a misery by a bully.

All that is happening is that one person is choosing not to talk to another person. Really grow up!

The other people I work with know exactly how I’m being treated, they say it creates an atmosphere and makes them uncomfortable.

I have raised the issue with my manager who has spoken to the colleague a few times. Things haven’t improved and they are out of options to deal with it. It is up to me now to make a formal grievance which is something I’m struggling to decide to do or not.

Are you a member of a union? It might be worth discussing the issue with them.

Bullying doesn't have to be hitting punching or name calling. Look up relational bullying. It will bring up hundreds of results

You're getting a hard time from some here and I don't understand it. I really don't get why someone can't just say good morning and be pleasant for 30 seconds, especially when she does it with other people. It's not like you're asking her to exchange bodily fluids or get matching tattoos - you just want civility and that really is not too much to ask for especially when you share a workspace and need to communicate in your role.
I have no ideas how to rectify this but I do think it's a type of bullying and I would suggest that every time she doesn't respond to you where you actually NEED a response for work then you email her immediately with the same question and see where that gets you. Sorry that it's rough for you

Jesus - some pretty angry people on this thread today!

OP - for what it's worth I know people like this - they will only talk to people who can 'get them somewhere' - the rest are just a waste of time. It's horrible but not much you can do about it. Seeing as how you have to work closely with this particular lady - I would have a chat with her and find out what's going on, don't complain straight away as it'll make things worse. If nothing else works, then have a word with manager.

Sorry to hear the manager had no effect. Sounds a bit grim.

This is a behavioural issue and you should talk to your manager about it. Behavioural issues can really harm the workplace and need to be taken seriously.

That's so weird if the manager has spoken to her about it and nothings changed!

Have you asked her about it directly?

Raizel - ignoring someone to the extent that other colleagues are noticing and feeling uncomfortable doesn't sound like bullying in your book?
Really?

You sound very ill-informed about workplace conduct.

OP - I think you need to put in that formal grievance tbh. If your manager has nowhere else to take it then you have little choice.
Presumably your manager will back you up?

I don’t do confrontation easily and I don’t think I’d get much of a response, occasionally I get a shrug and a snarl! So I don’t think a serious conversation is possible.

It is actually bullying in the workplace.
Isolating and refusing to communicate with a colleague at any point is very poor behaviour, and can easily be said to be bullying.

For whatever reason, this person doesn't like you, overun. I don't think you can force her to like you but she should be taken to task about her inability to talk to you in a civil fashion when necessary.

I've worked with someone like this - it was extremely dispiriting and made everyone around feel very uncomfortable - but I solved it by leaving. It was only a short contract anyway, thankfully.

Is there another department you can work in, or she can work in, so that you don't have direct contact? If your manager can't/won't deal with it, can you take it up with HR?

And yes, if it's having an impact on your ability to do your job to the best of your ability, then I would consider raising a grievance about it, because otherwise she'll just continue to behave like this with impunity.

Working with arseholes is life I am afraid m
As PP said get promoted and work harder than her

Nobody is saying that work is about socializing, but people should be expected to be basically polite. It's not unreasonable to feel miffed if someone is uncommunicative to the point of rudeness.

You're being totally ignored and people on this thread think that's OK?

you need to speak to your boss, because it sounds like you're being singled out.

I think you're getting a hard time here OP. She sounds unprofessional and is making you uncomfortable.

I think you are perfectly entitled to mention that you feel singled out.

If the manager has raised it with her and there has been no change put in a grievance.

www.reed.co.uk/career-advice/how-to-deal-with-bullying-in-the-workplace/

God some of these posters are weird. OP isn't asking "AIBU to expect colleague to be my bestest friend, spend all day chatting to me, and have lunch together every day?" She's asking "AIBU to expect a grown adult to extend me the professional courtesy of acknowledging my existence and speaking to me politely when we need to interact."

but then for some reason not being friendly with your colleagues (let alone - fit of the vapors - actually socialising with them outside of work once in a blue moon) is some weird badge of honour on MN