Giving something and then asking for it back

[taloolahhh]

Family member gave us a baby car seat when they found out we were expecting, they had used it for their two children.

They said that they weren’t planning any more and to pass it on if we didn’t want it.

It wasn’t in great condition and was nearly 5 years old so decided to buy a new one for us. We put this one in our loft as didn’t have a chance to pop it into a charity shop and it stayed there until recently when family member found out they were expecting another baby and asked for it back.

We were glad we hadn’t thrown it and gave it back but couldn’t find the clips that go on the pram.

We are adamant we hadn’t thrown them away , but things have been moved in an out of our loft so much in the past 6 months that they might have slipped in with something else.

Family member want us to replace the clips which we are about onto order.

AIBU to think that if you give someone something and tell them you don’t need it back that if you don’t have it to give back when they change their mind that it’s not our fault?

YANBU. I'd have said no!

YANBU, they need to fork out.

Yanbu, it's their problem, also as it's so old they should buy a new one for safety purposes.

I would have said no. Handed it back and that was that

How strange! YANBU

We handed the seat back a few weeks ago and said we couldn’t find the clips.

Assumed that would be that.

It wasn’t until a few days ago that they are asking about them again and now wanting us to replace them.

YANBU. That's just rude to do that. Tell them you can't find a site to buy the clips as it's too old. And remind them car seats have expiry dates.

The family member has sent an eBay link to both my DP and I to ensure we buy the right ones so can’t use that excuse unfortunatley

I can’t help thinking I’m just being stubborn as the replacements will cost us £20-25.

Money is tight as I’m on maternity leave, but I can afford to pay £20 if it means some peace and quiet from family member going on about them.

It’s the principal of paying out for something that we didn’t even need and that this has meant that their ‘kind gesture’ has actually cost us money rather than helped us in any way

Just refuse outright and tell them exactly why. It's outrageous behaviour on their part. Don't let them get away with it.

They need to get a new one; theirs is likely expired.

They are being very cheeky, it's up to them to sort out clips etc, you could have sent it to charity shop but you didn't. Do you think that they are fishing for your DCs cast-offs considering the age and state of the seat? They are CFs

Just tell them straight you never used it due to safety issues. You've given it back and that's the end of it.

Haven't regulations changed on baby/child car seats anyway since she bought the thing?
Lets hope she doesn't find some excuse as to why it's your fault that she can't use it/it's beyond repair....and demands that you replace it....

My other concern is there is a family event coming up which involves the whole family staying together for 3 nights.

I have a feeling she has picked her moment to ask as she won’t expect me to cause a fuss when we need to all be getting along in a few weeks time.

Should we just buy them to keep the peace?

I’m bit fed up about it as I thought it would have been the end of it when we gave the seat back

Just buy the blinking clips and be done with it I say. Lesson learnt.

They said that they weren’t planning any more and to pass it on if we didn’t want it.

This is the crux of it really. They didn’t want it back. They’re bloody lucky you had it still. Thry can get their own bloody clips. And car seats have expiry dates, rightly or wrongly.

Buy them and never accept a gift/loan again ever.

Healthy rational option is to refuse to pay the £25 AND also refuse to ever accept any "gifts" from them ever again.

I would'nt buy clips for something I have never used and they told me to give away. Perhaps they need reminding of the original conversation.

You have given the car seat back. Explain, that you never actually used it, so you don't know if the clips were included. Say you are not buying clips but you are not going to a charge them a storage fee for homing their car seat for the past 5 years.

I would say sorry I couldn't find the clips but you gave this seat to us, told us you did not want it anymore and to pass it on if we didn't use it.
If you had told me there was a chance you may want it back then I would have declined you giving it to me initially. Sorry, but I'm still on maternity and I'm not paying for the clips. Your relatives are CF's.
I have seen remarks on other threads lately which say that if we stood up to these CF's more then they would stop. Their behaviour is out of order because we allow it.
Tell them you are not paying for the clips.
Stop the CF's!!!
And also tell them when you give something away it's not yours anymore so if it gets damaged or bits get lost then tough shit !!!!

Did they even give it to you with the clips?

They definitley have the clips. I remember seeing them and giving them to DP to put somewhere safe

*have = gave

yorkshire - we have said that if there was a chance that we would need to give the seat back we wouldn’t have accepted it (considering we didn’t want it too!)

But this seemed to be taken as an insult and was told that they have given other baby bits to friends and when they told them they were expecting again that the friends were only too happy to return the items

Also, what is CF’s ?