Giving something and then asking for it back

[taloolahhh]

Family member gave us a baby car seat when they found out we were expecting, they had used it for their two children.

They said that they weren’t planning any more and to pass it on if we didn’t want it.

It wasn’t in great condition and was nearly 5 years old so decided to buy a new one for us. We put this one in our loft as didn’t have a chance to pop it into a charity shop and it stayed there until recently when family member found out they were expecting another baby and asked for it back.

We were glad we hadn’t thrown it and gave it back but couldn’t find the clips that go on the pram.

We are adamant we hadn’t thrown them away , but things have been moved in an out of our loft so much in the past 6 months that they might have slipped in with something else.

Family member want us to replace the clips which we are about onto order.

AIBU to think that if you give someone something and tell them you don’t need it back that if you don’t have it to give back when they change their mind that it’s not our fault?

You've hit the nail on the head when you said they expect you to do this to keep the peace when you all meet up. They're putting pressure on you and forcing you into it knowing that they are being CF. And for that reason, I wouldn't buy them. They know what they're doing.

They said that they weren’t planning any more and to pass it on if we didn’t want it

Then they are lucky to get the seat itself back - it could have been in a charity shop or on the tip.

Tell them "sorry - but you said you didn't want it and we could do what we wanted with it, so it isn't our problem"

Plus, as others have rightly said, for safety's sake they really need to get a new one.

Don't buy. They can have a look in your loft for them maybe?

Buy the clips, move on, be the bigger person. It's the sensible thing to do.

£20 to avoid a family feud is a bargain.

Buy the clips and say no more. JKust don't accept anything from them again in future, and don't offer them anything. If it's ever brought up, laugh it off saying, well we dont want a repeat of the baby seat fiasco! FFS though, people are dicks sometimes.

Fucking hell, they should buy the clips themselves. £20 isn't much to pay for a functional car seat! They're lucky to have been given that much.

I’m pretty sure the car seat is still within date as I remember checking it when they gave it to us originally.

If I was them I would still be buying new though. It will be onto it’s 3rd use. It would have been 4th if we had used it!

Prepare yourself for them wanting your new seat. They gave you one, why wouldn't you give one back? CF logic.

Personally I would buy the clips but I would make clear to them by email that they were being unreasonable and show them you are the bigger person. Something along the lines of saying you will buy the clips even though they said not to give the car seat back when you were finished with it and they are now being totally unreasonable but you wouldn't fall out over something so petty so you are buying them.

Buy the clips, wrap them in "congratulations on your new baby" paper and hand over with a smile.

No other present when baby is born. Sod 'em.

The thing is, had they not caused a fuss, you probably would have given them more than £20 of Baby things, so they’ve totally shot themselves in the foot. (Is this your SIL by any chance?)

Buy the clips but make clear it’s to avoid a row and that you never used the seat. Don’t hand over any of your castoffs.

£25 for the clips?

You can buy a brand new, decent car seat for a baby for £40-£50.

WTF?

I would tell them to jog on.

No way would I be buying the clips. It may seem rude but when anyone offered me anything for the baby I asked first if they wanted money and then if they would be wanting it back. I declined anything people wanted back because I can't be doing with the hassle. I'd rather give them some money for it.

It doesn’t matter how many babies have sat it in - it matters if there’s been a car accident that’s impacted on the seat.

Buy the clips as an early Christmas present. Chalk it up to experience.

I'd buy the clips (assuming you can afford to do so) just for the sake of a quiet life, but I'd never accept anything from them, never give them anything else, and have very little to do with them (outside of a polite nod at family functions).

Hang on, Im assuming this baby isnt due imminently. They've found out theybare expecting.

Give them the clips for Christmas.

I enjoy a bit of awkwardness at a family gathering (breaks the monotony!) so I wouldn't buy the clips and if the subject came up at the family event, I'd be quite open about my reasoning.
They are relying on you to not make a fuss. Disappoint them.

They really ought to replace the seat but they are clearly tight buggers.

While they have been cheeky over the whole thing, what would sway me away from just refusing it that you know you did have the clips but have misplaced them. So I would offer to split the cost with them - but insist they do the ordering as otherwise I doubt you'll ever see their half of the cost. In fact, what I'd do is next time you're in their company along with other people (make sure others are there to witness it) say 'well, we've both had a part in this so let's split the cost. Here's our £10 (have a tenner ready to hand over to them), you guys order them from eBay because you know exactly which ones you need'. They'll find it hard to disagree with this without looking unreasonable in company.

I'd buy the clips and then send them along with an invoice for £20 for the storage costs for keeping their car seat in your loft for a few years.

Ha, no I wouldn't, but it's fun to fantasise. In reality I would just buy the clips for a quiet life (as long as I could afford to) BUT I would make a mental note of it and be less likely to go especially out of my way to do them any favours in future.

I'm not good at confrontation so I'd just get the clips and moan at DH. I'd also never accept anything from them again, and would give it as a gift along with a card. You get to avoid confrontation, keep the peace and give a new baby gift all in one for just £20, Bargain!

Don't buy the clips. The ones you can't find, will turn up as soon as you live forked out. If they've just found out they're expecting, you've got several months to find the original ones. And yes, they're cheeky fuckers of the highest order.