Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To ask how to wriggle out of a lift share?

94 replies

TexanBar · 11/10/2017 22:52

DS is 14. He is about to start an evening activity running from 7pm until 9pm. Activity about 8 miles away. DS has a friend who will also be starting the same activity. I am pretty certain that friend's parents will ask me to lift share. Trouble is that I find Ds's friend is rude and disrespectful and I don't want to end up driving him to this activity each week. Trouble is I can't think of a single good excuse i could give as to why " I can't do it." Can anyone think of anything?

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 12/10/2017 06:50

Why social suicide?

CoffeeBreakIn5 · 12/10/2017 06:54

Be careful saying that you're doing >activity< in the middle, they may expect you to take their DS because you're going anyway. I'd either say you need the one to one time with your DS or that your dropping off and picking up siblings and/or cousins to and from a different activity nearby so there's n room in the car.

I hate lift shares too, I'd rather drive everywhere myself than commit to sharing lifts as mean as that sounds. I can't cope socially for long periods of time.

starzig · 12/10/2017 07:00

Can you organise errands around the pick up time which means you can't lift share

wheresthel1ght · 12/10/2017 07:08

I would tell the truth. Lying never ends well.

3luckystars · 12/10/2017 07:09

Tell them you are teaching your son to drive on the way home.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 12/10/2017 07:13

Frankly, you'd be doing the parents a favour if you tell them that their son's rudeness means that you don't want to give him a lift

rightsofwomen · 12/10/2017 07:16

I was in a similar situation.
I told the Mum that I enjoyed being on my own with my DS and hope she understood. She's my friend and she did and all is OK.

Dashper · 12/10/2017 07:17

Say you're looking forward to one on one time with your DS? I remember when I was 16 DDad agreed to give a friend a lift to college with me once (it was on the way to his work) then he said he wouldn't do it again because of that.

Niamhisnotarealname · 12/10/2017 07:22

let your D'S get public transport? he's 14 not 4

HeteronormativeHaybales · 12/10/2017 07:25

'Frankly, you'd be doing the parents a favour if you tell them that their son's rudeness means that you don't want to give him a lift'

This. If this is your only or principal reason (as opposed to logistical convenience), I would be very honest with the parents - call them (not text) and say 'I'm really sorry to have to tell you this, but I'm afraid your ds' rudeness and disrespect to me on XY occasions means I would prefer not to have to drive him'. If they're decent parents, they will be horrified, make him apologise, and take on the lifts for a bit to make up for the behaviour.

Making up an excuse has the potential to trip you up down the line.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 12/10/2017 07:33

"I'm sorry, I have a strict no rude bugger policy in my car"

eddielizzard · 12/10/2017 07:39

unfortunately i can't - got too many other commitments.

if pressed say that invariably you'll have other things to do first / after and you can't commit. and also the one to one time is v important. say it's the only chance you get with him alone.

Headofthehive55 · 12/10/2017 07:39

Perhaps you can say I don't think I can cope with them together - I need quiet to drive.
That makes it sound like it's the mix that's a problem rather than her son

treeofhearts · 12/10/2017 07:41

I'd just tell the truth. Sorry but the last few times he's been round Name has been so rude and disrespectful. I'm not putting up with that while doing him a favour. I know it's a pain for you but kids have to learn, right?

Then disengage. Any decent parent will be mortified and give him the bollocking of a lifetime.

Mittens92 · 12/10/2017 07:42

Just say no. Seriously! You don't do them. You aren't a bad person for it.

I used to always drop two people off after work and sometimes pick them up and I asked for petrol money towards it seeing as it was right on the other side of town and I lived in a different village.

They never did offer me any petrol money (I only asked for £5 a week!) One day, I just flipped and said I was not doing it anymore and I drove off before they had a chance to come and ask me for a lift.

Caulkheadupnorf · 12/10/2017 07:48

Be careful not to shout yourself in the foot if you suddenly need them to give your DS a lift.

I think I’d do it because it would halve the driving and I try and not make unnecessary trips anyway. Can they both have headphones in and then you won’t need to listen to him?

YellowPrimula · 12/10/2017 07:50

I love the way people just assume that there will be public transport in both directions in the evening .We are not particularly rural but there are two buses a day , last one at 2.30pm to our nearest large town and I think 4 to the smaller market town , neither are in the evening .

For many people public transport is simply not possible now .

OP I have been in this situation and would strongly advise you just say no , do not lie you will be caught out and that will be worse.Also your ds is likely to tell the other boy the truth anyway , or at least tell him there is no other activity.

disahsterdahling · 12/10/2017 07:54

I'd just you've got other commitments and can't. And move on.

No excuses, you'll get caught out if you tell white lies.

pudcat · 12/10/2017 07:58

Just lay down some ground rules. Alternate weeks driving and any bad behaviour results in no lift as bad behaviour causes accidents. If the parents kick up a fuss and shun you socially then they are not worth knowing.

NannyRed · 12/10/2017 08:06

You're not going direct from home, you have a friend/family and you and your son will be calling in to say hello, you will be dining/drinks/taxidermy class with aforementioned friend/family after you drop your son off at activity.

pasturesgreen · 12/10/2017 08:09

I'd go for being a nervous driver (if plausible) or having other commitments before the class starts that will prevent you from giving a lift.

Ibcidentalky, it's only on MN that people are so blasé about just saying no without giving any kind of excuse. In real life, when you actually have to see these people day in, day out, it doesn't really work like that if you want to maintain normal social relations.

Tamatoa · 12/10/2017 08:09

Would you only have to tolerate this other boy every other week though?? I'm sort of of the opinion that if you show your kids how to work things out as adults (lift shares, and other collaborative things) then it's a good life lessson, as well as half the driving!
Could you have a cd you play loudly to stop any chat from the boys??

WomblingThree · 12/10/2017 08:14

Why on earth are people coming up with all these pathetic excuses? “Spending quality time”? Really??

It’s ridiculous that you are too wet to just say no, or equally too wet to tell the kid to behave. I don’t understand why you would want to drive every single week just because you are intimidated by a child and/or his parents. Woman up for god’s sake.

kuniloofdooksa · 12/10/2017 08:19

Don't lie, you don't owe them an explanation. Even if you say you dislike liftsharing in general that leaves you in an awkward position if a family with a delightful well-behaved teenager moves in nearby in 6 months.

TBH if telling them that their child is rude would be social suicide then that is a social circle I would be happy to be excluded from. A decent person would be disciplining the teenager not giving the adult the cold shoulder.

Beamur · 12/10/2017 08:40

I sympathise. I have been obliged to give a girl I find really annoying a lift a few times. The last time I felt really cornered and fed up so said to the Mum I needed silence in the car to hear the satnav. 😄 Then the girls were lovely and I felt like a great big meanie.
Would liftshare be an option for you so at least you halve your driving (and exposure to boy in question) but I agree with the poster who said you really should call him on any rude behaviour or tell the parents that if he continues to speak to you in that way he's not welcome for lifts.