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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To ask how to wriggle out of a lift share?

94 replies

TexanBar · 11/10/2017 22:52

DS is 14. He is about to start an evening activity running from 7pm until 9pm. Activity about 8 miles away. DS has a friend who will also be starting the same activity. I am pretty certain that friend's parents will ask me to lift share. Trouble is that I find Ds's friend is rude and disrespectful and I don't want to end up driving him to this activity each week. Trouble is I can't think of a single good excuse i could give as to why " I can't do it." Can anyone think of anything?

OP posts:
bingbongnoise · 11/10/2017 23:16

I like the idea (and I have done this myself) of saying 'we are going to my parents house straight after, every week sorry.....'

Or something like that.

I did something similar when 2 girls who lived half a mile from us, kept trying to cadge a lift back to where we lived (from the senior school that they and my daughter went to.) I gave them the odd lift back when it was raining, but they kept expecting it, and one even said (after a few weeks,) 'can you drop me off at my nan's?' Her nan's was a 5 mile round trip out of my way, in the opposite direction! And she expected this twice a week. Cheeky cow.

So after about 3 months, I said 'sorry, I have to pick up my cousin's kids from school as my cousin has a job that doesn't finish til 5pm!' One of the mothers properly slagged me off at the school, and said 'she is LYING, she just doesn't want to give my Kayleigh a lift home!' Like her daughter was entitled to a lift from me! She could drive, and had a car, but never, ever took her daughter to school OR picked her up. And she most definitely never gave my daughter a lift.
Cheeky bitch!

All this said though, it does seem a bit daft to not halve the amount of time and petrol and driving you have to do. Your choice though.............

HeartburnCentral · 11/10/2017 23:18

If your DS has other siblings/cousins, say you bring them to another activity on the way and won't have enough room in the car.

SusanTheGentle · 11/10/2017 23:18

Don't give a reason. Don't make an excuse. Cheeky fuckers always see that as the opening of a negotiation. Just say something that sounds slightly like a reason but isn't: I like "I can't, I'm afraid, it's just not possible for us."

"No, it's just not something we can do unfortuantely." "I know, it's a shame that we can't." "Oh, dear, that's difficult for you. We can't help, I'm afraid." "How terrible that your mother's sister's aunt can't do it, we can't either sadly."

You're not apologising, even though it sounds conciliatory, and you're not saying who it's unfortunate for. Keep saying variations of it till they stop asking.

NewLove · 11/10/2017 23:20

Why not just be truthful and say you won't give a lift as their child is rude?

DaisyRaine90 · 11/10/2017 23:22

Just say no. Or say you go somewhere else on the way home x

blackteasplease · 11/10/2017 23:22

I was thinking that new. Telling them the truth.

BeachyKeen · 11/10/2017 23:27

Just be honest, or you will have to keep finding excuses.
"Can we do ride shares?"
"Your child has been rude on a number of occasions, and when asked to stop they wouldn't. I am not prepared to deal with that, especially on an ongoing basis! I'm sure you understand "

Aeroflotgirl · 11/10/2017 23:30

Just say no, you don't want to.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 11/10/2017 23:30

You're nuts.

Lift share one does one week, the other the next week.

Just get the kid told. Tell him he'll be calling his parents to come & collect him if he carries on. (Personally I'd be telling him he'd be walking if he carried on).

Don't be intimidated by a kid.

Original poster
TexanBar · 11/10/2017 23:35

Thank you all for the fantastic ideas. I am thinking of something along the lines of "I'm really sorry but we won't be able to as have made other plans for Wednesday evenings. " I was hoping that this sounds friendly but vague and non committal.

OP posts:
Original poster
TexanBar · 11/10/2017 23:36

Can't say there child is rude as would be social suicide!

OP posts:
Original poster
TexanBar · 11/10/2017 23:37

Their child, not there child (sorry)

OP posts:
QuackPorridgeBacon · 11/10/2017 23:50

As long as you don’t mind putting your child in the difficult position of backing up your lies, that seems like it could get messy and not worth the embarrassment and not fair on him. Just say you can’t and don’t give a reason, if they pry just say you aren’t able to and keep saying the same thing differently until they get it or be honest, I’m shit at it but I’d rather say no and feel awkward than be stuck doing something I don’t want to do.

Intomyarms · 12/10/2017 00:00

Cheeky fuckers always see that as the opening of a negotiation.

The other child's parents aren't necessarily being cheeky though are they? If their child was well behaved, then a lift share is a very sensible suggestion.

OP won't it be awkward for your son as presumably he is friends with the other boy?

I wouldn't start giving excuses. A simple 'sorry it doesn't suit me' is adequate but I expect they will offer to take your son or drop him home sometimes even if you don't agree to an official lift share and that could get awkward too.

Chottie · 12/10/2017 00:03

Don't apologise, just smile and say it wouldn't work for me. Smile and repeat.

Don't get caught up in a web of lies. If she persists, smile and say that as you have already said, it wouldn't work for you. And walk away, or finish the conversation and put the phone down. Do not get drawn into a great long explanation.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 12/10/2017 00:07

"I would love to lift share but I have some concerns. I don't think your ds likes me. He's not polite and, if I ask him to stop being rude, he doesn't listen to me. I just don't feel I can manage him effectively. I'm not comfortable getting cross with other people's children."
They can either accept that or tell their son to behave - in which case you can try lift sharing and if he doesn't behave well, you can say that you've tried to manage him but you just can't get him to listen to you.
Good luck op.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 12/10/2017 00:10

Another one here who'd jump at the chance to halve the driving.

But I should also say as the only driver in my house, and my DD fast approaching her 16th, that the 1:1 time we get in the car is probably our best catch-up time and I'll miss it like crazy when she starts learning to drive herself. Make the most of it while you can!

melj1213 · 12/10/2017 00:17

"Sorry a carpool just won't be possible for us for as we have other commitments before/afterwards."

Fosterdog123 · 12/10/2017 00:18

How is ge rude? What does he do/say? How old is he? Have you tackled him already about it? How did he respond?

cluelessnewmum · 12/10/2017 05:27

I'm sure you could invent a friend / relative that you're going to visit in the area? Or say you're going to combine with a yoga class (or something) for you? Or even you're going to take your dc out for dinner afterwards as a weekly treat / bonding time? Just try and keep discussion about it via text not face to face, always helps.

cluelessnewmum · 12/10/2017 05:28

(I'm with you though, I'd rather do the drive every week then have to put up with someone's annoying kid)

NoMapOfMyHead · 12/10/2017 05:37

JUST tell her that you think her ds is rude so you'd rather not

NoMapOfMyHead · 12/10/2017 05:43

Social suicide?.... Is this kid's parent your friend?

BulletFox · 12/10/2017 05:48

I wouldn't make up any excuses to be honest - if you're asked just say you want to share your time with your son, which is true, you don't want to share it with the other child!

Pengggwn · 12/10/2017 06:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.