AIBU to feel like I've wasted my maternity leave 😔

[PesoisaTool]

I return to work in 5 weeks after having DD2 in February. I also have DS1. I just feel like I did so much with my son and even though he's been in pre school for two days a week, I feel I've not done as much with my daughter. She's perfectly happy and chilled but I wanted to go for long walks, the zoo, messy play....I'm not looking forward to going back to work as my boss is useless. I love my job but hate my boss. Just feel unprepared and feel like the time is ticking. Stuck in a rut.

Your baby doesn't care about the zoo yet, and you have years for messy play. Chuck some bowls of flour or pasta or whatever on the kitchen floor now and use the time to start updating your CV

My mat leave has been fairly shite as I smashed up my ankle at 33 weeks pregnant so I couldn't walk at all until DS was 8 weeks old and no real distance until he was about 5 months, so I do appreciate how you feel about wasting it. But honestly your chilled little baby neither knows nor cares.

Your baby won't care or remember any of it.

You’ve still got 5 weeks, plenty of time for a day trip to the zoo, some messy play at home etc if you want to do it. Make a small list and make a real effort to do 1 thing a week?

I think everyone feels nervous, unprepared about returning to work, it’s a big thing after being off for a while. 💐

Is it absolutely necessary that you go back to work? If so, are there options to go part time or work from home sometimes?

Will be doing 3.5 days a week so can't moan tbh. Like the list idea....thanks for replying all.

Enjoy being able to do nothing while you can. There's still plenty of time to do whatever when the kids are a bit older. You definitely haven't wasted your leave as you've kept a newborn alive . Quite an accomplishment if you ask me.

I think it's common to feel like this second time around with a toddler at home. I felt constantly guilty for my toddler because I was preoccupied with the baby and guilty for the baby because I wasn't giving her the one to one time her brother had. You will have 1.5 days a week to do things with them and if you remain part time when your DS starts school it will be just you and her and she will remember that far more than she will remember these months now.

She is too young for the zoo anyway but I think the list idea is fab and five weeks is a long time still. You could also make a longer term list of things you want to do with your 1.5 days as they will pass by so quickly each week.

Thanks for all your posts. Feeling sorry for myself!!! Any ideas for little trips out?

Well where very roughly do you live? Are you near enough to the coast to go rock pooling, toddler in wellies and baby in a sling? Or a day trip into London on the train to ride the buses on the top deck? Are you near good zoos or farms, garden centres, miniature railways, adventure playgrounds and take a warm picnic?

When you have one new baby it's much easier to go on leisurely outings and spend hours staring at your wondrous child. When the second comes along it's just not possible since even if you aren't working you have to deal with all the demands of dc1 as well as a new baby.

That's enough. The fact that dc2 is chilled is a great indicthat you've spent your time well. Sure, make some time in the last weeks of mat leave to meet up with friends for some fun times but please don't beat yourself up that you've not taken her to messy play or any galleries or baby operas.

Farms and parks sounds good. Hate this time of year too.....need to embrace the autumn.

Autumn isn't so bad. Not too cold yet. Wellies, waterproof jacket, vest under your top, sorted :) and you can do loads in 5 weeks. Imagine if you took 5 weeks annual leave off work? It would seem like forever :)

How old is your son? There are a lot of small child friendly Halloween events happening round my way soon, if you have a local.Facebook group they're mines of information.

Thanks ouch. DS is 3.