Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Save the date

59 replies

Dippysnowoman · 10/10/2017 14:11

Aibu in thinking that a "Save the date" implies you will be receiving an invitation to the whole wedding and not just the evening do??

OP posts:
PodgeBod · 10/10/2017 14:12

I think it can mean either really, that's why it's useful before guest lists are finalised.

TobleroneBoo · 10/10/2017 14:13

I suppose people can take it either way, but I've only given save the dates to my day guests

araiwa · 10/10/2017 14:13

Either Confused

SleepingInYourFlowerbed · 10/10/2017 14:15

I did 'Save the Date' to day guests and 'Save the Evening' to evening guests.

Original poster
Dippysnowoman · 10/10/2017 14:18

Mmm... .I always thought it was for the whole celebration but seems I may be wrong.
We've had 2 for the same day (posted prev as me and dp were going to one each.. his close friend and mine my friends) now seems mine might only be evening.

OP posts:
strawberrygate · 10/10/2017 14:20

I don't understand std cards. if you're going to the effort of printing them off, why not just include the time and venue ( ie. an invite?)

ottersHateFeminists · 10/10/2017 14:24

I ignore and bin them on principle.

They're ridiculous, unnecessary and a real waste of paper and ink. The fridge magnet ones are worse. Why the fuck would I want to see some inanely-grinning couple on my fridge for a year or so? I pull the magnets off the fronts and use them to pin important stuff to the fridge like party invitations and shopping lists.

Fruitcorner123 · 10/10/2017 14:24

It should be just for the full day. Why would anyone be so arrogant as to assume you would save a date months in advance for an evening party. If it's a full wedding of a close friend/family member you might be prepared to rearrange your holiday, take leave from work etc so notice is a good thing. If it's a Saturday night party you are not going to rearrange your family holiday for it you will go if you can.

That's how I see it anyway and would never send save a date for an evening reception.

heateallthebuns · 10/10/2017 14:26

I've had a save the date before, followed by no invite to anything!!! Confused

Original poster
Dippysnowoman · 10/10/2017 14:27

I totally agree!! That's why I'm now a bit 🤔

OP posts:
greendale17 · 10/10/2017 14:28

ottersHateFeminists

“I ignore and bin them on principle”.

I am surprised you even get Save the Date cards with an attitude like that.

FindTheLightSwitchDarren · 10/10/2017 14:29

@heateallthebuns

Someone I knew did that! Fucking Groomzilla situation (his wife is lovely - he's a wanker). I got a save the date and then evening invite from them. Some other friends got the save the date and then nothing.

The reception was on the other side of the country, I was heavily pregnant, couldn't drive and my DH wasn't invited, so I declined. Was followed by an arsey text from groomzilla. I'm still Angry about it now and this was years ago.

strawberrygate · 10/10/2017 14:30

But what's the point of them? Genuine question, why not put the venue and time on them?Why do you need to send out 2 lots of cards?

MrsRogerWaters · 10/10/2017 14:37

Don’t get them either.
It’s a prelude to an actual invitation.
A little narcissistic.

PodgeBod · 10/10/2017 14:39

I'm probably wrong about them being for either. The whole point of STD cards is lost on me so I thought it was for working out who was all day or just evening. Otherwise what are they actually for?

chipscheeseandgravy · 10/10/2017 14:39

I’ve had one before and it was just the night do. Ironically I was invited to the hen do along with 5 other people, yet I was downgraded to evening guest Hmm.

ottersHateFeminists · 10/10/2017 14:40

@greendale17

What should I do, keep them in the safe and turn down any invitation in the hope I'll be lucky enough to get an actual invite.

They're a waste of time. I can't think of a single good reason for them. Can you?

Send invites. It's all that's needed.

strawberrygate · 10/10/2017 14:40

come on people who have sent these.. What is the actual point of them?

chipscheeseandgravy · 10/10/2017 14:40

Having said that my actual invite also didn’t say if my partner and child were invited. I just guessed and brought my partner and hoped for the best 😂

VladmirsPoutine · 10/10/2017 14:41

I suppose it could mean either. As you'd still need to 'Save the date' in either case.
That said, this 'only evening guest' thing is only something I've come across on MN - I'd never imagine not inviting someone to my entire day. Why? And I certainly would never attend as an only-evening guest. Unless the friend in question had eloped or some such and wanted to have a piss-up after to celebrate. It's just so ridiculous.

Allthebestnamesareused · 10/10/2017 14:42

They are supposed to be for the whole event and as invitations are "traditionally" only sent out 6 weeks before the wedding in this day and age it is to forewarn people they'd like to be there that they should indeed save that "whole date".

RiversrunWoodville · 10/10/2017 14:44

There's fridge magnet ones Shock

strawberrygate · 10/10/2017 14:44

all the beststill doesn't explain why you need to send out 2 invites? I don't think many people would be upset that they received an invite further than the traditional 6 weeks before the wedding?

McTufty · 10/10/2017 14:46

I am not a huge fan of save the dates (we just told close friends and family the date) but if you’re going to do them, send them only to day guests. I agree to send a save the date and then give someone an evening invitation is rude.

PinkHeart5914 · 10/10/2017 14:46

Does anyone really bother with these now? No point to them imo, just a waste of paper