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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Save the date

59 replies

Dippysnowoman · 10/10/2017 14:11

Aibu in thinking that a "Save the date" implies you will be receiving an invitation to the whole wedding and not just the evening do??

OP posts:

Starlight2345 · 10/10/2017 14:53

I would of only thought they were for very close family and friends...After all who would save the date for an any one else, I would not change holidays, book days off work etc.. In which case I would assume I was close enough I would tell.

Zaphodsotherhead · 10/10/2017 14:54

I sent them when we'd got a date but hadn't yet booked time/venue. We knew we were getting married on that date, and a lot of family had to travel quite a way/book time off work, so we wanted them to have as much notice as possible, but we hadn't got around to finalising our venue.

It was fridge magnets of a local view, not our grinning faces, btw!

Reastie · 10/10/2017 14:54

I'm that save the date gets shortened to STD, which to me is something completely different

SilverySurfer · 10/10/2017 14:57

It's even worse to receive a STD card and then not be invited to any part of the wedding at all. Read a couple of threads about it on here - it caused mayhem and permanently broken friendships.

happygirly1 · 10/10/2017 14:57

To those asking what is the point of them:

I didn't send them out but I've received a few.

I think the point is they can be useful when weddings are booked long in advance but all the details aren't ironed out yet and people won't realistically expect guests to RSVP until nearer the time.

If a couple books a wedding for 2019 and wants to invite me they can send a 'Save the Date' so I can take this into account when booking other things down the line (or not, if I'm not too bothered about attending!).

Then, nearer the time when everything is sorted they can send a proper invite with all the details. Most invites now tend to have directions, hotel options etc which they might not know that far in advance.

I think they're fine personally, certainly don't have strong feelings either way!

Sooooooooooooooooooooo · 10/10/2017 14:58

We did save the dates as I work shifts as do most of my friends and our rotas can be written 3 months in advance and only allow so many people time off.

paap1975 · 10/10/2017 14:58

We did them for friends and relatives who live abroad, some on the other side of the planet. They need to start making their travel lans now for next summer. Others didn't get them, they will be invited but don't need a save the date. Oh and everyone is invited to everything, so that isn't an issue for us

Doramaybe · 10/10/2017 15:04

I hate them.

They (to me obv being the cynic that I am...), only serve to make sure you will have no excuse NOT to attend when the proper invites come along.

But we gave you a year's notice, wtf why can you not come now?

I dislike weddings anyway, only close family ones, they are great get togethers and fun. Other that that I usually decline with a pressie though, I'm not that bad!

Easier to get out of an invite if you don't get a STD card.

strawberrygate · 10/10/2017 15:04

so most people book the date first and then figure out the venue later? really?

MirandaWest · 10/10/2017 15:05

I got one and assumed was for the whole thing and then found out it was just for the evening. Was a little

Starlight2345 · 10/10/2017 15:09

They (to me obv being the cynic that I am...), only serve to make sure you will have no excuse NOT to attend when the proper invites come along

I think the same..lol

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 10/10/2017 15:10

We sent Save the Dates because we got married over summer and wanted to let people know in advance so that they could plan around it if they wanted (still had people choosing to book holidays, but at least it was their choice rather than causing upset by a clash).

Our full invites asked guests to choose food so would have been strange to send them too early. We didn't have evening invites but definitely would assume a STD was for the full event...

TonicAndTonic · 10/10/2017 15:10

I've never assumed that a save the date equals a full day invite, I've received one then had an evening invitation only. Doesn't bother me in the slightest. You basically end up having to keep the whole weekend free until you get the full venue details anyway, because of potentially needing an overnight stay if it isn't local.
I'd be massively pissed off if I got a save the date and then no invitation at all though!

Eliza9917 · 10/10/2017 15:12

chipscheeseandgravy
Having said that my actual invite also didn’t say if my partner and child were invited. I just guessed and brought my partner and hoped for the best 😂

Then they weren't invited. Only the named person/s on the invitation are invited. Bring others and its very likely that there won't be a seat or meal for them. Or if the staff scramble to create a place, the couple will be charged for people that they never budgeted for. This is disgraceful behaviour IMO. They could have had to cut people they really wanted there due to cost and ignorant people think its a free for all.

Currently planning a wedding btw - and I'm going to Vegas so I get to avoid all this nonsense.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 10/10/2017 15:14

They are for day invites only usually.

I personally wouldn't not book a holiday for e.g. for an evening invite. We are either avaliable or not.

maddiemookins16mum · 10/10/2017 15:15

The whole day imo. If you're just invited for the evening it's no different to a normal evening party etc. A save the date implies you might need to book a day off work, book a hotel room or arrange childcare possibly.

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 10/10/2017 15:19

Wait, has anyone linked to TidyDancer's Bridezilla thread yet? The best/cheekiest use of a Save the Date I've ever heard of...

daydreamnation · 10/10/2017 15:23

I did std on Facebook as a private event, less wasteful and I sent it to everyone (or their partners) who we were inviting.

ottersHateFeminists · 10/10/2017 15:23

They (to me obv being the cynic that I am...), only serve to make sure you will have no excuse NOT to attend when the proper invites come along.

As well as reminding you that the in-love couple expect to be at the forefront of your mind for the next 12-18 months. They seem to be sent by the type of people who have multi-day hen/stag dos.

ProfessionalPirate · 10/10/2017 15:23

Oh come on it's bloody obvious what they're for I've had some save the dates for next summer - it enables me to choose to factor my friend's weddings in when we're planning our summer holidays etc. which a lot of people do well in advance. But equally I would never feel obliged to save the date, it just gives you the option. If I knew for a fact I wouldn't be able to make it, I would probably let the bride and groom know in advance so that don't waste an invite on me.

It's far too early to be sending out actual invites- for most weddings the fine details wouldn't be finalised yet, and who want's to rsvp for something 12months away?

FWI, we didn't do save the dates, but only because our wedding was organised in 2 months so there was no time. I do think it would be bad form not to follow a save the date with a full day invite though.

ottersHateFeminists · 10/10/2017 15:25

@OneFlewOverTheDodosNest

I only read the first post but that bride / thread sounds truly amazing!

AlpacaLypse · 10/10/2017 15:35

@ottersHateFeminists I'd get the kettle on and some biscuits. @TidyDancer 's Bridezilla ran to four threads in the end IIRC!

Original poster

Dippysnowoman · 10/10/2017 15:39

Heading off to read that thread now

OP posts:

CrabappleCake · 10/10/2017 15:43

It's only here that people claim never to have heard of evening only invites. It's really quite normal.

Original poster

Dippysnowoman · 10/10/2017 15:52

I have heard of evening only invites but my query was that I was under the impression a STD (as I'm now calling it) was for the whole day.

OP posts:

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