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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this irritating.... and a bit sad

93 replies

Thatsnotapotato · 09/10/2017 23:00

Basically, have, after many years of inactivity (no excuse, just laziness) I had a rude awakening one day in summer when I couldn’t kick a football with DS for more than five minutes before I needed to sit down. So, I started exercising quite seriously and this weekend, having not been able to run a mile in June, I ran my first half marathon. I am not going to lie, I feel pretty chuffed so I posted a sweaty, ugly, chuffedy-smiling photo of me crossing the finish line on instagram. I mean, I took HOURS to do it, but fuck it, I did it.

I will preface my irritation by saying I would be classed as slightly overweight. Probably about half a stone. I have been for many years, but I am very happy as I am, and my desire to exercise has never been about losing weight. It’s been about getting fitter, and I can’t tell you how good I feel mentally and emotionally as my fitness improves.

But, every congratulatory comment people have made to me recently, has been something like ‘the weight must be dropping off!’ ‘You look wonderful!’ ‘WOW-Your bum has really lifted!’ ‘You look great.’ (This is not a brag, believe me, I do not look great!!)

But I find I’m feeling mildly irritated that it seems as though the only bloody thing anyone can think to say about someone exercising is to do with their appearance. Is that honestly why people think other people exercise? I mean, of course, lots of people ARE doing it to try and lose weight but lots and lots and lots of people are just doing it for the enjoyment/the headspace/the fitness.

I feel a bit sad that we’re so focused on appearance that that’s what people just assume this stuff is about.

AIBU to feel irritated?!

OP posts:
allegretto · 10/10/2017 06:29

Congratulations op! I find it weird too. The other day sitting at a cafe with friends, an acquaintance of ours who has an eating disorder came by and everyone was saying "wow you look so great, you've really slimmed down" . I though it really inappropriate as she is obviously underweight but for some people the default compliment seems to be "you have lost weight". Confused

Subtlecheese · 10/10/2017 06:30

Fantastic work on that sort of distance. The only possible straw to clutch at is your beaming face at being proud (as you deserve to be) looks great. ?

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/10/2017 06:52

ttbb.
DFOD. No not an achievement at all Hmm.

Well done op. I wish I could even exercise. I have ME/CFS quite badly. On a good day, I can brisk walk for about 15 mins. This is a massive achievement for me, even though it’s just a regular walk in the park for most. On a bad day, I can’t stand up.

topcat2014 · 10/10/2017 07:04

Well, I ran Oxford half at the weekend - felt like an achievement to me!

Posted a group photo too.

Some people just manage to come across wrong in their comments. Probably nothing meant by it really.

ememem84 · 10/10/2017 07:18

I don’t understand how a half marathons isnt an achievement?? I couldn’t do it.

Good work op.

guilty100 · 10/10/2017 07:23

I completely agree with you! It's like women can't exercise for the sake of liking movement, or wanting to be strong - they have to be doing it to make themselves more acceptable to the male gaze. It's so bloody reactionary it's positively Victorian.

We need to take more pride in women who are strong, capable, fearless and resilient.

Pennina · 10/10/2017 07:28

We'll done- huge achievement. Maybe the people who commented in that way are overweight and unfit and would love to be able to run that far and be only half a stone overweight! Half marathon is a huge distance! You have done so well

Gingernaut · 10/10/2017 07:39

Of course a half marathon is an achievement!

But a photo of you isn't going to convey that.

Gingernaut · 10/10/2017 07:40

Well done, by the way! 😳

fridayfreddo · 10/10/2017 07:42

Must be your friends. I wouldn't dream of posting something about their body. I'd post 'what a fantastic achievement' or similar.

Well done, OP!

fairyofallthings · 10/10/2017 07:43

Half a marathon is one heck of an achievement - well done OP.

Ignore the people who say it isn't, they are talking out of their posterior.

Sunnyjac · 10/10/2017 07:46

“and given that most people don't think of a half marathon as an achievement“. Rubbish. You sound jealous

TheLegendOfBeans · 10/10/2017 07:46

A half marathon is something I'd never be able to do; total respect due.

Don't sour your achievement by focusing on the negative. People will be genuinely happy for you and that'll convey itself as flattery a lot of the time

"Ohhhh check your banging bod"
"The weight must be falling off"
"You'll be able to fit through the cat flap next"

All a bit cringe but take them in the positive spirit they're intended.

I'm guilty as charged of doing this and I know it's cringe; I just feel so proud and in awe of someone just waking up one morning, taking the challenge on and bloody well delivering on it!!!

Therealslimshady1 · 10/10/2017 07:48

They are saying what they think you want to hear

Welwyncitydweller · 10/10/2017 07:49

I think if you’ve ever given anyone an inkling that you feel slightly overweight then they would comment on weightloss in a positive supportive way. I’d only ever comment on it if I knew that weight loss was the goal of the person exercising.

MinervaSaidThar · 10/10/2017 07:53

I would be classed as slightly overweight. Probably about half a stone

This made me lol. Half a stone is 7 pounds. You're overweight by 7 pounds?!

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 10/10/2017 07:53

Very well done

Fantastic achievement

A friend of mine did a 10k run and had a photo taken at the end

I swear to god she looked dead...grey, wet, drawn (panting) etc

So she absolutely wasnt posting for attention based on her looks , just to mark the achievement

I always think its great when people run...I'm rubbish at it

Locotion · 10/10/2017 07:53

Wow OP, well done, very inspirational !

Just take the compliment and dont over think it - but I can see how it must seem a little frustrating.

I am not sure I could ever run a half marathon - congratulations and I hope yoir son enjoys playing fooball with you now Smile

(PS. Why are there soooo many people/comments on MN?)

RoryItsSnowing · 10/10/2017 07:54

Well done!! I imagine they were writing what they thought you wanted to hear (not saying they didn't mean the compliments though)

Inarutneedhelp · 10/10/2017 07:58

Congratulations OP. I have started to exec use again to get fit , feel well and for my mental health. I do hope to look better for it too but the main reason is my mental health.

You did fantastic and take all the complements you can get. A massive achievement and well done to you Smile

ArcheryAnnie · 10/10/2017 08:01

Most people would assume that you posted it on insta for the attention (and given that most people don't think of a half marathon as an achievement they probably assumed that you wanted the attention to be on your body).

This is nonsense - if a friend of mine posted this, I'd assume it was because they were proud of having done the half-marathon, not because they needed validation for their body.

Congratulations, OP!

Original poster
Thatsnotapotato · 10/10/2017 08:08

So I’m told Minerva, so I’m told x

OP posts:
SunnyCoco · 10/10/2017 08:10

I think you're being a bit oversenitive people are trying to be kind about the picture you posted, and "you look great / wonderful" is not necessarily about weight / beauty etc but about the happiness one can feel
I often write that on pictures of new mums with their babies, not because of their bodies or whatever but because it's a happy photo.
If you see what I mean!
Anyway congratulations it's a great achievement and I bet you feel amazing x

Original poster
Thatsnotapotato · 10/10/2017 08:10

You are all lovely (and the teeny tiny number of you that weren’t very nice I’ll just guess you’ve had a bad day) and yes, I’ll stop being so sensitive and bask in the glory of my current John-Wayne swagger (so, so, so very very, chaffed.....) Thank you xx

OP posts:
flumpybear · 10/10/2017 08:15

Well done!! I’ve just got myself a personal trainer - gonna give it a year!! Feeling very tired after seeing her twice last week but had the weekend off and back to the gym
Tonight -
Does little and often sound reasonable to your track record since June? I’m over weight but also really unfit albeit unused to be relatively fit (never excelled st sports but used to go to the gym frequently before kids) - I started Off by hoping to do 5 mins on the cross trainer and I managed 25 minutes so was pretty proud of myself - good luck with your progress I hope I’m as successful as you