To find this irritating.... and a bit sad

[Thatsnotapotato]

Basically, have, after many years of inactivity (no excuse, just laziness) I had a rude awakening one day in summer when I couldn’t kick a football with DS for more than five minutes before I needed to sit down. So, I started exercising quite seriously and this weekend, having not been able to run a mile in June, I ran my first half marathon. I am not going to lie, I feel pretty chuffed so I posted a sweaty, ugly, chuffedy-smiling photo of me crossing the finish line on instagram. I mean, I took HOURS to do it, but fuck it, I did it.

I will preface my irritation by saying I would be classed as slightly overweight. Probably about half a stone. I have been for many years, but I am very happy as I am, and my desire to exercise has never been about losing weight. It’s been about getting fitter, and I can’t tell you how good I feel mentally and emotionally as my fitness improves.

But, every congratulatory comment people have made to me recently, has been something like ‘the weight must be dropping off!’ ‘You look wonderful!’ ‘WOW-Your bum has really lifted!’ ‘You look great.’ (This is not a brag, believe me, I do not look great!!)

But I find I’m feeling mildly irritated that it seems as though the only bloody thing anyone can think to say about someone exercising is to do with their appearance. Is that honestly why people think other people exercise? I mean, of course, lots of people ARE doing it to try and lose weight but lots and lots and lots of people are just doing it for the enjoyment/the headspace/the fitness.

I feel a bit sad that we’re so focused on appearance that that’s what people just assume this stuff is about.

AIBU to feel irritated?!

Half a marathon is a massive achievement. I say that as an unfit size 10 that can't run to the end of the road.

I want to do it, but I've made excuses.

thats your post has encouraged me to move my arse and give it a go, you should feel very bloody proud of yourself although, a picture posted online is going to insite a reaction on what you look like not the achievement so that may be why.

Congratulations though

Wow! I think you've done amazingly well!

I will say though that people process information in different ways and many people saying, "You look great!" won't necessarily be referring to your 'looks' as such but to your obvious good health or your general vibe or whatever.

And Ttbb is one of those sour people who’s never content with anything and will always try to bring down those who soar.

dnwig you are right, oh wise-one!!! Absolutely right. Nail on head - thank you for writing that as it has kicked me up the bum.

Doobey swimming is bloody tough, let alone with asthma, but what a fab way to stay fit - well done you xxx

nocry it was a bottle

Congratulations, I think it's brilliant! People are just so used to seeing folk post pics of their amazing weight loss that it's probably habit.

And Ttbb your only achievement in this has been to be pointlessly nasty. The op has real reason to be proud, certainly can't say the same about you.

Thanks for giving me some MN perspective guys. Was feeling a bit peeved, tired and whingy so it was much-needed and I see your points and I shall be less sensitive next time! And hopefully a bit less sweat-patchy.....

Tbb is a nob. Well done you. And I agree. I exercise because I enjoy it. A positive side effect is that I can eat more!

I just want to say well done! Anything you do that you couldn't do before and recognised that fact and did something about it is an achievement. You know that you are a fitter, happier person now, so allow yourself a great bit smug moment - you earned it! Congratulations in lieu of fireworks - have a glitter ball from me

Congrats!

I might well post 'you're looking great/wonderful' on a similar pic of a friend cos they look happy/confident/exhausted at a fab achievement...and it's a pic of them!....it's def not a superficial judgement on their beauty or weight.

Well done OP. mind you, some mates of mine did a half marathon yesterday and Morris danced the whole 13 miles. I'm surprised some of them aren't dead.

Well done on the half marathon! It is really impressive.

I totally get what you mean. I had a spell of losing weight, having been overweight, without actually trying, because I was anaemic. The number of people who complimented me and asked me what amazing diet plan I'd followed was shocking. I looked thinner but I didn't look healthier. I looked unwell because I was unwell. It made me realise that for a lot of people, weight loss is automatically the overriding factor to comment on, regardless of health, and in my case they couldn't believe that I was less than overjoyed about it and that it actually equated to poorer health for me.

Yanbu.

Lots of people are apparently unable to understand the difference between any of exercise/getting fit/being healthy and weight loss.

It's bizarre.

I suspect that people scrolling past your pic give themselves about .005 seconds to choose a response (including typing time). Inevitably they go with their first (emotional) reaction which is really about themselves and not you. In another situation, like face to face or phonecall, they might take that extra second or two to put themselves in your (running) shoes and respond differently.

I tend to post only where I can add words to the pic, so I can hopefully give clues about why I'm posting the pic. This nudges the responses in a certain direction. In your situation I'd prolly post 'yay me! Striking a blow for positive body image- it starts from the inside!'. I'd likely still get some 'how you look' responses, but also more of what's relevant to me.

Don't ever underestimate people's self-interest, count on it! In their own blind way, they thought they were being positive and supportive. Go with that. Congrats on your astonishing achievement.

Oh I don't blame you at all. Some people just have nothing else to talk about, or to offer.

Can't imagine a man posting a sweaty post-run pic and having people comment on the size or position of his arse.

Well done, you should be rightfully very proud of yourself!

Saying a half marathon isn’t an achievement is utter crap. Well done you! I couldn’t do it!

Congratulations OP! Well done!
I've had a few friends recently take up marathon running or triathlons and it's never once occurred to me to think about their weight or figure when I see their posts of finish lines or them getting out of the water etc. Not all are conventionally thin either - I just applaud their fitness and wish I could be as strong someday.
And then go back to eating because I'm massively pregnant and eating and peeing are all I do all day now.
But good on you!!

Wow - I don't know who these arrogant arses are who don't think that a half-marathon is NOT an achievement, glad I don't know any of them!

Of course it's an achievement, and especially in such a short space of time, well done Thatsnotapotato! It's not something I'm ever going to be able to achieve, that's for sure - running is not something I've ever been able to do successfully (no springs, feet like lead, bad hips and back)

People do tend to focus on the visible changes, rather than the less visible, so it's not that surprising that people are commenting on what they see - it's an instinctive response. You have done it for other reasons than visual, but you're probably in a minority for that, so it wouldn't be an unusual response to tell you how much fitter/slimmer you look.
Lots of people who do exercise to lose weight would be gratified that others had noticed - I think you're being slightly unreasonable to expect everyone else to know that you're not like them.

But still - bloody well done you!

I think it’s because you are new to running (and sport).

No one comments in that way about the race photos I post of myself. Running and racing have always been a huge part of my life.

Get over yourself people are trying to be nice... does it matter??

(Also to pp who said 1/2 marathon isn't an achievement... errrr since when? When did they become so casual 😂 I think it's a pretty big deal to be running THIRTEEN MILES...!!!!)

‘Get over myself’ catbas?

I did my first half marathon in March and people did comment on my weight loss a bit in response to the photo I posted - but as I had lost 7 stone to get to that point I guess that’s understandable really.

Did my 5th last week and finally managed to get a half way decent running picture and did much prefer the “look how strong you look” comments to the general appearance type ones though.

I have a friend who has just started to enter races and she posts pics of her race number or a screenshot of of her garmin showing route and time. She isn’t running for weight loss but for fitness and now she’s an addict! You could use those type of pics and the garmin’s a good way of tracking progress. Well done!

and given that most people don't think of a half marathon as an achievement
Oh really, and who are these 'most people'? They sound like utter fools.

I wonder what people like ttbb and catbas get out of coming on here and being an utter bitch so someone? Do they feel like brave outliers, 'telling it like it is(n't)'? Or is it just a way of being horrible that means few consequences?

sirzy you’ve run FIVE halves since your first in March?!! Bloody hell, that’s amazing. I was thinking I’d do it again next year but keep thinking ‘ooh I wonder if there’s anything on in December’ etc.

Any running tips?? Have you found them getting ‘easier’? I was disappponted that I got my pace all muddled and ran too faster first, then too slow, and then I definitely found the ten-mile mark ridiculously tough and cried a little bit !!