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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that all people are a little bit nasty

25 replies

rightknockered · 08/10/2017 22:00

I've never had a friend that hasn't been bitchy to me, or met a man that hasn't't had ulterior motives for speaking to me or to try to be my friend.I'm not beautiful, just normal looking.
Have I just been unlucky?

OP posts:
Original poster
rightknockered · 08/10/2017 22:01

I'm thinking now, that I'm going to regret posting this.
But would just like opinions

OP posts:
intergalacticbrexitdisco · 08/10/2017 22:01

You know what they say. If everyone you meet is a bellend...maybe you are the bellend.

nocoolnamesleft · 08/10/2017 22:02

What a depressing world view. I would prefer to think that everyone is only human.

onemorecakeplease · 08/10/2017 22:02

Dh says men cannot be friends with women they always want more
And if you speak to them they think you are interested!
So that's not great....he said they are just programmed that way.

Papafran · 08/10/2017 22:04

Really? Everyone? That is quite sad. There are a lot of selfish people that take advantage of others though and maybe you are the type who attracts those if you have low self-confidence.

What do you mean by ulterior motive in terms of men though? If they find you attractive and want to get to know you better, that's not a crime.

BackforGood · 08/10/2017 22:06

I don't know if YABU or not, but I have to express surprise at the fact ALL your relationships are so poor.
I mean, I'm sure there are people in the world who have a tendency to be 'bitchy' or people that have an ulterior motive for getting close to someone but I'd say they are a small minority in life.
IME the vast majority of people in the world respond to the way you treat them.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/10/2017 22:06

Everyone is fallible.

Imagine an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. Even the nicest people have the devil but they listen less and their devil isn’t so big. But when we’re run down and tired and stressed it’s a little easier to listen.

My theory is that everyone is basically good but has bad days. Possibly this outlook is why I’ve spent decades working with people with challenges. Because all our angels need a helping hand.

p,s. atheist here but the analogy is good 👼

Papafran · 08/10/2017 22:06

Dh says men cannot be friends with women they always want more

Oh well, if your DH says it then... What about a man who has a large circle of female friends? Does he really want to sleep with/go further with ALL of them? Really?

DontDrinkDontSmoke · 08/10/2017 22:06

I think horrible things all the things me about randomers I see in the street. Never voice it though.

If someone is my friend, they are my friend. I will never say or hear a bad thing about them.

WorraLiberty · 08/10/2017 22:06

Blimey onemorecake, does your DH have any more crap words of wisdom to impart? Grin

LloydColeandtheCoconuts · 08/10/2017 22:06

Maybe you’ve been unlucky it’s always good to find positives in people.

thecatfromjapan · 08/10/2017 22:07

I'm wondering if you are over-sensitive to potential harm (to you)?

People are generally quite 'safe'. They will act to look after both their interests and those of others (particularly those for whom they have developed a positive relationship). People are also capable of astonishing acts of altruism.

The fact that you say you have such a negative history of relationships makes me wonder if, for some reason, you crave unconditionally loving relationships with others and perhaps over-interpret any signs of behaviours indicating something other than unconditional love as abandonment/very threatening.

I don't know you - obviously. It's just that you've posted here, and it is a very extreme viewpoint, so I'm just putting it out there for you to think about.

If it is the case, you can work on it - and the world (and your life) will become a far more welcoming place.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 08/10/2017 22:07

It's an unfashionable view, but I do think many men have an ulterior motive for being friends with you. Certainly when you are all young.

Me and my best friend are ocaisionally a bit bitchy to each other. We do love each other though, and have each other's backs.

That said, I do know people who are totally decent through and through.

DontDrinkDontSmoke · 08/10/2017 22:07

Things me = time

My fucking phone and it’s random autocorrects

JumpingJellybeanz · 08/10/2017 22:08

I think you're moving in the wrong circles. I wouldn't say any of the people in my life are nasty or bitchy at all. If I come across people who are then I don't get involved with them.

Waytootiredtosleep · 08/10/2017 22:09

I'm not! Or, if I ever am, it's never ever intended and I would massively apologise if I knew you thought I was, as I suspect I genuinely meant not to be! My DH isn't either. I bet loads of us aren't.

PerfectParisian · 08/10/2017 22:09

You know what they say. If everyone you meet is a bellend...maybe you are the bellend. I think that's a bit harsh intergalactic Shock it looks like the OP was looking for support and a bit of encouragement rather than judgement.

AnathemaPulsifer · 08/10/2017 22:10

Dh says men cannot be friends with women they always want more

Wow. That says a huge amount about your 'D'H and nothing at all about the rest of the men in the world. Does your DH spend any time with women at work or socially? What is he telling you here about how he views them?

OP, most people are fundamentally good. If your experience has been different then either you've been really unlucky or you are giving off an attitude that brings out the worst in people. Either way it might be worth discussing with a therapist.

BastardTart · 08/10/2017 22:14

I think you've just been unlucky, and friends with the wrong people.

I've met some complete assholes in my life, but equally I've been bowled over by the kindness of strangers, the support offered by friends and acquaintances, and I have huge faith in human nature.

I have male and female friends, with a wide range of ages and common interests.

When Dh was ill a year or two ago I expected some people to desert us, instead the support offered by everyone we knew overwhelmed us by the sheer generosity and compassion displayed. It made me realise how kind the majority of people are

intergalacticbrexitdisco · 08/10/2017 22:17

Sorry. I was being flippant. Hope you meet nicer people from here on in, OP!

brasty · 08/10/2017 22:18

People are human, so nobody is wonderful all the time, we all have off days.

But some people I have met also seem to have lots of horrible friends. And they need to get better at choosing friends.

It is impossible on an internet forum to know if you judge others too harshly, or you have awful friends.

purplecollar · 08/10/2017 22:49

I think all people are fallible but most try to be good.

I would say all of my friends are mostly good, but occasionally they do something that pees me off. I think that's normal myself.

corythatwas · 08/10/2017 22:54

If "all people are nasty" presumably that includes yourself, OP? That is a good place to start (in fact, the only place we can start). Are you a good friend? Do you worry more about how you measure up as a friend to others or how others measure up as friends to you? Are you sure you are not over-sensitive about what you interpret as bitchy?

As for your dh, again, he is a man, so if he says all men are like this, then what he is actually saying is: I am like this. And I wouldn't be very impressed by that if I were you.

FenceSitter01 · 08/10/2017 23:01

Dh says men cannot be friends with women they always want more
And if you speak to them they think you are interested!

Even the gay ones? wow!

Your DH is quite obviously so amazing that women fall over themselves for him Hmm

Andrewofgg · 08/10/2017 23:10

If everyone you meet is a bellend...maybe you are the bellend.

Or as a rellie of mine says, and she's an HCP:

There's a nutcase on every ward and if you can't spot the nutcase you are the nutcase!

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