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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have been wendied

73 replies

OculusIncubus · 07/10/2017 23:32

Long standing close friend of 6 years is wendying me. I moved in with some of her friends but continued to include her in everything. She now sees everyone else but not me. Never invites me to things. Is super flaky. Advice? It's hurtful

OP posts:
DesignedForLife · 07/10/2017 23:40

You're better off without her. Ignore and move on to people who actually care about you.

WorraLiberty · 07/10/2017 23:55

You do realise you're going to have to explain to the many people on Mumsnet who have no idea what 'being Wendied' means?

Although to be honest, I'm not sure you have been.

It's my understanding (and correct me if I'm wrong), it means joining your friend's group of friends and 'taking over', so that they spend all their time with you, rather than your friend.

Either way, you need to talk it out with her and ask if you've done anything to upset her.

Possibly you moving in with her friends hasn't gone down well?

Original poster
OculusIncubus · 08/10/2017 00:00

I have tried many times to talk it out with her! In fairness I moved in with two of her friends from different areas of her life, who invited me to do this (we were all looking for a place at a similar time). I asked her to join but she couldn't. They have also done something wrong by the same logic so why is it only me getting the blame? I have reached out to her a lot!!

OP posts:
MistressDeeCee · 08/10/2017 00:01

You're being left out so of course you are being Wendied. Said 'friend' wants to be in the friendship group and wants you out of it. If your friends are going along with this they're stupid sheep and you don't need them. Not to mention you likely think they are talking about you, since you aren't there.

You will have to be active in finding new friends and interests, if you're upset by this. Join a Meetup group. They are good. Take up a hobby. If you feel like it you could let one of your friends in group know how you feel. But if they haven't contacted to ask why you aren't around then why bother?

Honestly, life's too bloody short for some people. Develop a life that doesn't have nonsense people in it

Original poster
OculusIncubus · 08/10/2017 00:01

Not sure I like your tone worraliberty. It's a mn term. Don't patronise me please.

OP posts:
Original poster
OculusIncubus · 08/10/2017 00:02

My other friends aren't aware, apart from one. She is doing it very stealthily. I am fairly sure they aren't talking about me. We still go to group events, she just never ever sees me one on one (but sees mutual friends one on one).

OP posts:
honeysucklejasmine · 08/10/2017 00:04

Not sure I like your tone worraliberty. It's a mn term. Don't patronise me please

😂😂😂😂 Oooh Worra, now you're in trouble.

If you've tried to talk to her already and been knocked back, there's not much more to be done.

WorraLiberty · 08/10/2017 00:05

Tons of MNetters don't know what being wendied means - hence why these threads are normally filled with people asking.

Therefore it's always best to explain early doors, to keep the thread on topic.

But if you find that patronising then that's your choice.

WorraLiberty · 08/10/2017 00:06

I know, honey.

I've already booked myself a 1 hour detention after school on Monday Grin

PaperdollCartoon · 08/10/2017 00:06

Never heard of a 'wendying' and I'm here literally every day

Happydays21 · 08/10/2017 00:07

What's being wendied Wink

Original poster
OculusIncubus · 08/10/2017 00:07

Ok fine, then I apologise Smile Thank you for explaining it further up the thread

OP posts:
BriechonCheese · 08/10/2017 00:08

Anything she has specifically done?

WorraLiberty · 08/10/2017 00:08

No probs, OP Wine

DontDrinkDontSmoke · 08/10/2017 00:10

I was on the original Wendy thread, this doesn’t sound like a classic Wendying.

Original poster
OculusIncubus · 08/10/2017 00:11

What do you mean Brie? Just leaving me out of things, being ridiculously flaky every time we arrange something together, it's more what she's not done - I have felt like I've needed her and she's not been there for me. I am there for her when she needs me, or have been in the past...

OP posts:
honeylulu · 08/10/2017 00:14

Maybe she thinks you are wendying her? A Wendy is usually someone introduced to an established group by a friend, who then isolates that original friend and claims the group as her own.

If I've got it right, friend introduced you to group, then you went to set up home with some of the group (not including original friend). Just saying ...

Original poster
OculusIncubus · 08/10/2017 00:17

No that's definitely no true - I have gone above and beyond to include her in everything. If she felt she was being excluded why would you then alienate yourself further? It makes no sense.

OP posts:
Thripsyshee · 08/10/2017 00:20

Six years is a long standing friendship?

Goodness.

And if I'm honest it almost sounds a bit like you "wendied" her? - moved in with her friends and "included" her etc?

I also love the fact that you patronised Worra in a totally bitchy way before you realised she'd been around way before you ever heard the term Wendy.

How funny.

Original poster
OculusIncubus · 08/10/2017 00:22

Wow thripsy! I've been on mn for about ten years now so don't think so but thanks. No i haven't wendied her - see above... and yes six years (actually seven!) is a long-standing friendship. We lived together and have been very close

OP posts:
LaughingElliot · 08/10/2017 00:24

That isn’t Wendying, that’s just falling out with a friend. She doesn’t like you much anymore but none of us can know why.

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 08/10/2017 00:28

I don't think there's really much you can do. Friendships change. Some really close friends can suddenly drop you without warning for no apparent reason.

Has anything else changed in your relationship or is one of your new housemates someone she's interested in? My ex friend dumped me and it turned out that my friends on/off boyfriend (who I also knew quite well) had talked to me and told her afterwards he thought I was 'cute'.

I'd never shown any interest in him that way but we lived close and we occasionally walked back towards our homes together - and then split to go our separate ways . There was never anything going on between us and it was years later when another friend brought it up that I found out how upset she was about it. I had no idea. She just started ignoring me and excluding me.

Original poster
OculusIncubus · 08/10/2017 00:29

No she has a long term boyfriend. Who is lovely. All very strange

OP posts:
dinosaursandtea · 08/10/2017 00:32

Maybe she doesn't like you much anymore? Honestly, that does seem like the obvious answer.

MaisieDotes · 08/10/2017 00:35

It's fine for her to want to see her other friends without you there. You probably are only aware of it because you're living with them.

You haven't been wendied. Being wendied is when you introduce one friend to another and they go off without you.