Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for my money back from friend?

82 replies

ladyface69 · 07/10/2017 13:32

Hello,

I'm asking for advice as I'm a bit stuck as to where to go from here.
My friend of a good number of years recently left her partner who was quite abusive and controlling, and a heavy class A drug user. She has a son with him and a daughter from a previous relationship. Following the split she was housed in emergency accommodation which was not a very nice environment for her or the children.

Myself and other friends were very supportive before and after the split, she and the kids stayed at our houses before she got the accommodation, we babysat, took them out for the day, and tried to help her keep some normality.

My parents have recently bought a house to let out to supplement their pension, and by good fortune it was available at the time that she needed a permanent home. Unfortunately she did not have the money for a deposit.

I lent her the money (just shy of £500), as I didn't want her to have to stay in the temp. accommodation with her children as they had been through so much already. I helped her move in and get settled, and my parents have been very forgiving in terms of giving her furniture items that she needed.

Since she moved in it has been virtual radio silence from her, she has not answered calls or messages from myself or friends and I have also found out that she was 2 weeks late on her first rent payment to mum and dad, which is causing them some stress - and probably regret that they seem to have an awkward tenant in when I had vouched for her character as a friend.

After cold-calling at her house and messaging her sister to ask if she was alright (said friend had managed to post status updates and profile pictures on facebook however, despite not replying to any of us) she eventually messaged me to see what was up.
I replied saying I was a little concerned about her lack of contact with me and asked if she had had any joy with the deposit.
Friend stated that the council have said they only pay in arrears and she should not have paid the deposit in the first place. She said she would try to get the money together for me 'one way or the other' but did not give any indication on time scales.
Since then I have messaged again and have had no reply.

I really am torn here, I'm quite upset about the £500 because it was a big chunk of my personal savings and now I'm not sure if i will ever see it again. I'm also worried that I have got my parents into a mess with a tenant that isn't reliable, and I can't 'call her out' on anything in case it jeopardizes Mum and Dad's house.

I'm also sad about the potential loss of a good friend...
And think it's quite likely that she has begun using drugs as this was happening in her last relationship.

Any advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:
DontTouchTheMoustache · 07/10/2017 18:27

If she cant get the deposit money back from housing benefit can ypu wprk put a repayment plan? She might be genuinely panicking that she cant repay you and on top of everyyhing else cant cope so is avoiding you. Perhaps if you ask for £25 per month for the next 20 months then she might be able to sort it out?

Lucyandpoppy · 07/10/2017 18:32

To try and give some balance it really can take some time to start being paid your housing benefit after making a claim (which you can only do once you have moved in) so if she moved in a couple of weeks ago it could well be true that she hasn't been paid the money by the council yet, and may be embarrassed about that (hence avoiding calls etc)

Raver84 · 07/10/2017 18:37

Forget about your money and your parents and call social service if you think she's using drugs when she has kids

Downwiththatsortofthing252 · 07/10/2017 18:59

You need to make sure your parents are on the ball here to protect themselves just in case. Landlords Action is a good organisation that can help them if it comes down to needing to evict her, but right now they need to make sure they have protected her deposit, gotten an EPC for the house, given her a How to Rent guide and all the necessary documentation. Otherwise a judge could side with her.

Fingers crossed its all ok, and she's late because the council pays late, but your parents still need to follow the law as landlords, which hopefully they have done

EverythingRightNow · 07/10/2017 18:59

I'd say the £500 isn't lost because your parents have it as a deposit. Hopefully the delay is with the HB people.

I would visit once a month to check all is ok, she could be depressed or have PTSD after all this & struggling with normalcy etc.

A lot of people have blamed you, you tried to help a friend in need. She's likely embarrassed with it all on top of having to apply for benefits, which can take time.

I'd try and not be too harsh on her, she's had a rough time of it.

What makes you think she's using drugs?

HeebieJeebies456 · 07/10/2017 19:01

IF your friend had approached the housing officer and said "i've found a potential house but they need x deposit before i can sign for the tenancy", THEN they would/could have arranged to pay the deposit directly into a protected scheme/to landlord.

That conversation didn't happen, so it's nothing to do with them now.

The deposit you paid, have your parents put that into a protected deposit scheme?
If they haven't then they've broken the law - and there's no guarantee you will get it back.
If a landlord didn't protect my deposit, i can sue him for it.
Not sure if you want to go there with your parents though?

How long has she been living at this property?
It usually takes around 4-6 weeks from receipt of claim to getting paid.
If she's on Universal Credit, she will get one lump sum each month which includes all her benefits/tc etc.
The HB portion might not be the full 100% rent, it could be that they are paying 2 thirds and she is expected to make up the remainder from her benefits/wages.

She is responsible for transferring the full rent to your parents, ideally on the same or day after she gets paid.
Your parents might have the option of asking the council to pay the HB portion to them directly.

I think it's best if you take a step back for now.
Take up the deposit issue with the landlords who should've ensured it was put in a protected scheme for exactly these reasons.
They need to step up as landlords and do what is legally required of them, ask her when and how much rent she will be paying.
If not, then remind her of the legal ramifications.

Do they have a signed tenancy agreement from her?
If not, then she's a 'lodger' and not a 'tenant' and the rules are slightly different for that.

JaneEyre70 · 07/10/2017 19:06

I can appreciate you were being kind here, but think you've been well and truly been "had". A friend would have rang, apologised and explained the situation. A user will ignore you and hope you'll go away. I think your parents need to get legal advice on this one sadly.

Dutch1e · 07/10/2017 19:08

A friend would have rang, apologised and explained the situation.

Yes, for a person who is thinking straight. I doubt this woman is thinking straight right now, even if she's not using.

Mulch · 07/10/2017 19:13

Op I think you've done a very kind hearted thing but sadly been taken advantage of.

GetOutOfMYGarden · 08/10/2017 01:28

OP, you're very kind hearted but sending your parents a homeless drug addict as a tenant, then giving her £500 to get said tenancy was very foolish indeed.

Original poster
ladyface69 · 08/10/2017 11:50

Well

I have been surprised indeed - as yesterday I received a message from my friend asking for my bank details and lo and behold, the money has been transferred into my savings account this morning. Friend said she'd 'heard on the grapevine' that I had been vocalizing my concerns. She has borrowed it from her mum, who might be able to let her pay it back over a longer period. She's promised to sort things out with my parents as well on Monday.

Thank you for everyones advice

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 08/10/2017 11:59

Blimey.

annielouise · 08/10/2017 12:06

Shame it took her hearing you vocalising your concerns before she did anything constructive.

I'd probably phone her and say thanks for the money but my tone would be quite sharp and I'd tell her straight we've done a lot to help you out and while we're not expecting gratitude we don't expect to be shat on. Also add my parents are elderly and allowed her the place on your recommendation so you're expecting that sorted out asap and sorry but if she fucks up the rent you'll be advising them to give notice the first time it happens. Basically, I doubt I'd be considering her a friend anymore so I'd come down harsh - especially as she didn't phone you to let you know what was going on.

She's got problems clearly with the drug taking so it depends on how much further you want to be sucked in. I'd have reached my limit by now.

annielouise · 08/10/2017 12:07

I'm surprised the money has shown up in your account on a Sunday. With the few banks I've been with it never shows up until a working day.

Original poster
ladyface69 · 08/10/2017 12:14

annielouise I don't know if you've ever used online banking? It is transferred into a new payee's account within 2 hours - regardless of what day of the week it is.

I have to say it is a relief, though I will be hanging back on the friendship for a while.

OP posts:
ChicRock · 08/10/2017 12:15

Wow, both yours and your friends banks must be good, if I make a payment on a Saturday it doesn't let it leave my account until the next working day, and absolutely nothing incoming shows up in mine over the weekend.

NettleTea · 08/10/2017 12:18

I think people are bloody quick to damn people in unfortunate circumstances. Ive just transferred some money to my daughters account. Its turned up already. instant transfer.

if you have never left an abusive relationship then you dont know

If youve never been in the hell of dealing with the benefit system then you dont know

If youve never been in a shelter / temporary accommodation and seen how long you are likely to wait for some really shitty property in any area they might put you, then you dont know

well done to her for leaving. And well done for her for sorting problems out between you. Im sure she is going to fix the rent situation too. In one borough I was in it took them 3 months to sort out my housing benefit. Only for the help of friends and family was I not homeless. Only because the landlord understood how long these things took and was satisfied that Id arranged for it to be paid direct to him, did he not chuck me out (friends and family paid some upfront, which he actually paid me back once the rent came through) - its humiliating and embarrassing.

onlyindreams · 08/10/2017 12:18

For the life of me i'll never understand why the government decided to stop paying rent direct to the landlord. Many tenants can't be trusted to pay the landlord and the temptations too strong not to keep it for themselves. Just crazy.

Bumbumtaloo · 08/10/2017 12:30

ChicRock most banks now use the faster payments system and show within two hours of being made.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faster_Payments_Service

SaucyJack · 08/10/2017 12:33

We're not in the 90s any more.

Santander (at least) do instant bank transfers.

annielouise · 08/10/2017 12:37

I use online banking all the time. Never shows up until a working day. NatWest though. You also can't transfer out - it only gives next working day as the date it can go out by.

DancesWithOtters · 08/10/2017 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChicRock · 08/10/2017 12:43

NatWest here too, have honestly never seen any online transfers either out or in, show up on a weekend. In fact if I try and transfer money right now, the only option it will give me for transfer date is next working day onwards.

Bumbumtaloo · 08/10/2017 12:43

annielouise how odd, NatWest are included in Faster Payments.

Sorry to derail the thread OP, glad you have your money back.

19lottie82 · 08/10/2017 12:44

I'm Halifax and payments are instant, even at the weekend.