Because DH blames me for "wasting the day" for sleeping in?!

[Peachy92]

So DH and I have this stupid argument every other weekend or so. He likes to stay up late in the week and insists on sleeping with the TV on. I personally don’t but I fall asleep first and apparently my teeth grinding / snoring noises are so bad he can’t sleep without the TV covering it.. and I’m constantly tired because I don’t do well sleeping late and getting up early and I know I have a disturbed sleep with the TV on. Come the weekend I therefore like to sleep in until I’m rested and I don’t mind what time that is! If I don’t have commitments to be somewhere why does it matter? But DH moans! He will, though, stay in bed with me - asking me now and again if we’re getting up? Or putting the TV on? AIBU to be annoyed at this? Why should I get up before I’m ready? Why doesn’t he get up when he wants and go sit downstairs in front of the TV? Because that’s the worst part! I get told I’m wasting our weekend :| If I sleep in and I feel better I will literally be a tornado clean my house get all washing done bedding on nice dinner but he gets up to just sit?! How am I the one wasting our weekend?! Ugh rant over.

Posters are telling OP to sort out the snoring like it's a straight forward thing to do. I snore and my husband is a light sleeper so have tried various things to stop my snoring, but unfortunately none of them worked. I had an expensive gum shield made which was supposed to stop snoring but I'd chuck it out in the middle of the night without realising whilst half asleep. The solution which works well for us is separate rooms, we are fortunate enough to have the space. It also helped when we had children as I slept in a separate room with the baby. Even to this day I have the children in my bed when they are ill or have a bad dream and he doesn't get disturbed. Some people will argue that this isn't fair and that he should do his share, but my husband is useless if he doesn't get enough sleep, but I can manage on a lot less. I need him more during the day in a rested state than I need his help at night so that solution worked well for us. We are still every intimate and will cuddle together (and more when we have the energy) in bed before going to our separate rooms. I didn't like the idea initially, but am used to it now as actually quite enjoy have the bed to myself, especially when it's warm as I can roll into a cool patch (assuming there is not a child there). Maybe once children come along he'll accept the separate rooms for a bit. I'm another who hates TVs in bedrooms.

Totally agree with CherryChasingDotMuncher that it is so annoying when people try to make a virtue out of rising early. Why is someone who's in bed early, and up early, a better person than someone who does those things later?!

I am a night owl. I force myself out of bed on the few days when I'm working out of the house or have a commitment, but am never tired in the evenings before about 1am unless ill. I like my sleep and so 'lie in' until 9.30ish (i.e. have my 7.5-8hrs) most days. And am pretty slow to get going after that. DP is up most days by 6.30 (but only ever sleeps around 5hrs so we do go to bed at the same time). When we started living together, I kept apologising and thought he was the most considerate man in the world for getting up, bringing me up a glass or orange juice to leave by the bed and then leaving me to sleep (and never nagging or complaining). He told me I was daft and that him being an early bird doesn't make him better person. In fact, he likes being up to do all kinds of energetic sport-type things before starting his day aka having a conversation with another human. Or being considerate of what I might want to do etc. By the time I'm conscious, he's usually done all the stuff he prefers doing by himself and we sort of fall into sync around 10 - 10.30 (on weekends; weekdays it's good morning-orange juice-see you tonight ).

What I'm trying to say, in a really long-winded way, is that we've found a way to make our different rhythms work together and ensure we both get what we need in terms of sleep, space, time together and time apart. While I think myself lucky that his super-sporty early morning cheeriness doesn't impinge on my need to sleep past 7, he's just grateful that I am happy to let him do his own thing and not feel the need to be a part of everything he does or force our schedules to fit together. I don't think it's a failure to NOT compromise sometimes: just do what you each need to do.

Ugh op, I sympathise, as my DH used to do the tv in bed thing. It drove me bonkers, especially if I knew I had something important at work the next day. It's the noise and the flashy lights in your face. Awful.

He stopped doing it, as I would wake up briefly, growl at him to turn it off or fuck off to the living room ask him to turn it off and then go back to sleep.

We rarely ever watch tv in the bedroom anymore, since having dc1. It is a lot better. I read a book and DH now looks at his tablet instead, (which means I don't get disturbed, but he still can't get to sleep for ages. He can't seem to break the habit though ).

The happiest people I know have Superstar bedrooms
I don't live with my OH and I won't unless I can have my own room. I'm an odd sleeper. Sometimes I like to go to bed at ten and go straight to sleep. Other nights I might go to bed at ten but read until midnight. I hate it when my OH is here and my haphazard routine is disrupted.
I love waking up with him though. In my ideal world we'd say our goodnights and and have a cheeky knock on the door in the morning (not a euphemism ... or is it?😀)
Then there is the quilt stealing, the overheating. It drives me potty. Yep. Separate rooms. It doesn't mean I love him any less

Get rid of the TV in the bedroom. Get him earplugs to cover your supposed sleeping noises.

As someone with a 12 week old baby who sleeps terribly, YANBU! If I can't sleep, I at least hope my fellow MNers can get some decent kip.

And to the PP who said you can't catch up on sleep - bullshit, multiple studies have shown that you CAN in fact catch up.

I always imagine it must be incredibly irritating living with 'You are wasting your day/weekend' type of people.

Sometimes it is necessary to have a slow day. A person doesn't need to fill every waking moment of their weekends doing things that their partner deems 'productive'.

Your children are not going to grow up uncultured or feeling neglected because they didn't spend every weekend at some national trust location or swimming lessons.

I would find it all very controlling.

And to the PP who said you can't catch up on sleep - bullshit, multiple studies have shown that you CAN in fact catch up.

Bullshit yourself. Multiple studies have show you CAN'T in fact catch up.

And yes get rid of the TV.

I would rather sleep on the sofa than have that on all night.

Studies shmudies.

I certainly feel 10 times better after I nap/lie in after a rough night.

I live with someone who nags and pesters me until I get up ... he’s 1.

Assuming you have no plans there is no reason why you can’t have a lie in or even go back to bed for an afternoon nap. Me and dp used to do that before dc, we still do, but just take turns having a morning lie in, assuming we don’t have anything planned.

If the morning is the only chance you would get to spend time together, I.e one of you is working the rest of the weekend, I could see his argument about ‘spending time together’, but assuming that’s not the case then he needs a hobby.

Can he not watch tv on a handheld device with headphones in, so it doesn’t disturb you as much?

Have you tried sleep mask/ear buds etc.

1. Get rid of the TV in the bedroom- appalling for sleep.Any electric devices should be banned. Tell your DH to watch TV downstairs till he's ready for bed.
2. You can't store rest on one or two particular days. You aren't a bear hibernating, it doesn't work like that and probably throws your sleep out further.
3. If you are going to insist on sleep storage lie-ins , tell your DH to get out of the bedroom. I don't understand how you are getting any rest anyway with him wittering on beside you. You must be awake to notice it, so either tell him to fuck off out of the room or you get up - you're awake anyway, so it does not really rest.
4. Ignore the tornado and tell him to fix it when you get up. Tell him if he wants to do stuff on the weekend a good start is to not create a shit-fight that needs to be tidied.
5. See a dentist/doctor re sleep noises again.
6. tell us what actual time you do get up on the weekend( apologies if I missed it) so we can tell if he's being unreasonable. As, if you're not up till 1pm or something he has a point.
7. Sleep separately.

get the tv out of your bedroom
sort out your teeth grinding etc
a lie in should be sacred - you both need to respect each other

Fucking hell. I'd be a widow by now, if I were you!

Disclaimer: DH does snore, and I sleep apart from him. It's great.

It sounds like torture to me. He's keeping you awake all week then begrudging you catching up on sleep at the weekend, and constantly waking you up. He's not very independent it seems. Any normal person would get up and watch tv downstairs.

I don't sleep. If I know i'm not sleepy, I watch tv downstairs. Then I go to bed later, trying very hard not to wake up dh. If I wake up early, I go downstairs, quietly. I don't feel the need to wake up everybody in the house, just because I'm awake, shrieking - when are you getting up! Jeez - what on earth are you putting up with here.

DH gets up when his bowels tell him to. This could be 4.30am. On Sundays I stay in bed until about 8. No way he's staying in bed with me, or I'm getting up with him.

Just plug the tv into a timer socket?? It turns off an hour after you go to bed?? Why haven’t you thought of this??

An ex claimed to only be able to sleep with a radio on. Drove me nuts!
Nothing to do with me snoring.
After a break in our relationship & I (stupidly) took him back (briefly) I insisted NO radio. I slept much better. Which was great considering it was ME getting up & going to work!!
Tell your husband (boychild) to buy earplugs and ditch the bedroom tv or get separate rooms.
You are BOTH entitled to good sleep.
Doesn't sound like you have children?? If you don't make the most of the layins! If you do take it in turns to sleep in. Relationships are about compromise (or so I'm told 😉)

Ugh. This is why we have a no TV in bedrooms rule.

You just end up watching it for the sake of it.

If DH wants to watch something in bed, He has his tablet and some headphones.

DP is a sleep-in person (has been known to stay in bed till well into the afternoon) and I'm an early riser.

I just get up and get on with stuff, or loaf about and read, depending on my mood. I wouldn't dream of getting him up before he's ready, or fidgetting about in bed asking him when he's going to get up.

YANBU and he is BVU.

My dh had/has sleep apnea. This is very dangerous to your health. There are exercises that he has used to eliminate it. Go on YouTube for a variety of them. It is important bc your life can be shorter if not addressed.

Regarding the rest, try to reach a compromise time like 10:00. Or tell him to get lost, he's not the Sheriff of Sleeptown. (Love my sleep)
d

Gowgirl Sat 07-Oct-17 17:55:34
You are wasting the weekend. My dh is like you and it pisses me off. Myself and dcs are always waiting to start the day.
Get your arse out of bed!

I don't know what you are smoking but........... try a cuppa tea instead

You are wasting the weekend. My dh is like you and it pisses me off. Myself and dcs are always waiting to start the day.
Get your arse out of bed!

Cheeky bugger. It's not wasting the weekend, its sleeping. Probably the best way to spend the weekend.

I can see both sides of this. I'm the early riser. My body's idea of an epic sleep in is 9am, I'm usually awake 7:30 to 8. DH likes to linger in bed. We have DCs that are now old enough to get themselves up and entertain themselves, but left to his own devices they'll have easily been up 3-4 hours by the time DH drags himself out of bed. All I want to know is what time does he want to rest until so I'm not wasting half the day on hold. I get pissed off at the point that it's gone past the time that he said he'd be up by, and he's still wallowing around in the duvet. Days have been wasted because by the time he does emerge into action, the DCs don't want to do anything and its just too hard to psyche the household into doing anything. It was an annoying waste of a day when I was working, and it's annoying floundering around the house now I'm a SAHM and spend much of everyday around the house. Why should I be doing housework while he's dozing? And "chilling out" and young DCs don't mix well, and because I'm awkwardly on hold, I spend half the day MNing.
Definitely sort this out before bringing DCs into the equation! (Remembers the blissful days when I could chill out with a book before my attention span died)

There needs to be some compromise on both sides. Having a sleep in where you allocate a decent amount of sleep time is fair, but give him a time that you need undisturbed and get up after it.

He needs to sort his sleep habits too, such as the TV, and not disturb you throughout a fair amount of sleep in.

Sorry... have I missed something here? Everyone is talking about the tv and not about the bit where he waits in bed in the morning asking when they are getting up???
That is seriously weird- not normal OP - I couldn't live like that.