Because DH blames me for "wasting the day" for sleeping in?!

[Peachy92]

So DH and I have this stupid argument every other weekend or so. He likes to stay up late in the week and insists on sleeping with the TV on. I personally don’t but I fall asleep first and apparently my teeth grinding / snoring noises are so bad he can’t sleep without the TV covering it.. and I’m constantly tired because I don’t do well sleeping late and getting up early and I know I have a disturbed sleep with the TV on. Come the weekend I therefore like to sleep in until I’m rested and I don’t mind what time that is! If I don’t have commitments to be somewhere why does it matter? But DH moans! He will, though, stay in bed with me - asking me now and again if we’re getting up? Or putting the TV on? AIBU to be annoyed at this? Why should I get up before I’m ready? Why doesn’t he get up when he wants and go sit downstairs in front of the TV? Because that’s the worst part! I get told I’m wasting our weekend :| If I sleep in and I feel better I will literally be a tornado clean my house get all washing done bedding on nice dinner but he gets up to just sit?! How am I the one wasting our weekend?! Ugh rant over.

How late are you sleeping in?

Of course you're entitled to a lie-in at the weekends (barring commitments/DC to entertain) but if your DH wants to spend time with you, it must be really frustrating to have to wait around until you get up every Saturday morning.

Getting up around 10 and being up and ready to go by late morning/lunchtime is fine, but I don't think I'd be very happy if my partner slept in until 2pm every weekend, tbh. But he needs to turn the TV off at night and buy earplugs as well - and realise if you slept better in the week, you wouldn't need a long lie-in every weekend!

If he's saying he can't sleep without TV, can he have something instead which makes white noise - an air purifier or just a white noise playlist? That might allow you to sleep better.

Time spent doing something you enjoyed is never wasted! I love a good sleep

OP I grind my teeth sometimes - though I have a major insomnia problem in the first place

but I wonder, is the teeth grinding partly due to the stress of the TV being on?

anyway, he sounds like he is being very inconsiderate. I think you should have the conversation about sleeping apart or you will be dealing with this for years.

You are wasting the weekend. My dh is like you and it pisses me off. Myself and dcs are always waiting to start the day.

Get your arse out of bed!

Barring commitments a grown adult can get out of bed when the hell they like?

Gow, did you read the last two sentences of the OP?

He's using your diagnosed condition to manipulate you, OP.
It's obvious he has co-dependency issues, and is trying to make you feel/take responsibility for it.

What on earth are you thinking of TTC with someone who can't leave you alone in peace to have a lie in?
Or who doesn't notice his tv habits contribute to your disturbed sleep during the week?
Or who doesn't give a shit that you need more sleep?

He IS clingy and needy - and manipulative.
Deal with this before adding real children to the mix

I couldn't cope with this level of neediness. I like to lie in at the weekend. And then even when I'm out of bed stay in PJs for a while. If DH wants to get up and do things he is more than welcome. No need to involve me. Obviously if we have a specific plan to go somewhere that's different.

Tell him he needs to stay downstairs and watch TV as it's not going on in the bedroom. If he can't manage that, you are moving into the spare room (you'll have to shift some furniture to show you mean this). So it's then his choice: TV goes or it's separate bedrooms. Better sleep and you'll both feel better.

DH and I think it’s important to get up at the same time at the weekends as it’s our quality time together, so I don’t think your husband is being U there. However, if he wants that he has to compromise by letting you get to sleep at a decent time at the weekends. If it were me my solution would be to agree to get up at a reasonable time at the weekend (a compromise between the two of your preferences) but only if he turned the TV off during the week and let you sleep.

However you do need to see someone re: the grinding. My DH does it too and it’s both incredibly noisy but also really bad for him - he gets headaches and tension pain in his jaw and shoulders, and doesn’t feel well-rested at all. He bites through guards too but just gets the cheap self-mound ones from Amazon so it doesn’t matter.

Yay for Lyins I say!some people like them some don't end of.but the digging is UR because everyone is different on whether theyr get uppers or love their beds.

get your own room

Superstar bedrooms is the beginning of the end in my opinion. TV should be banned from the bedroom as well. T should be for sleeping, cuddling and recovering etc. But you do both need to invest in a box of foam earplugs - about £7.99 from Boots for a box of 20 pairs. My husband and I use these every night - partly because next door have a noisy dog - but it ensures we both sleep well, having plenty of cuddles and feeling refreshed the next morning. If that fails then I think you must both be on different pages and what different things out of your relationship

Not quite sure what the superstars bit is all about! Lol

Definitely rethink the TTC till this man stops being such a knob. If you had a baby, he would be expecting you to do all the night waking and pester you for attention all the time as well. Clingy people are awful.

I really don't understand why some people think that being in bed next to each other, annoying each other and keeping each other awake - with the resulting tiredness and stress from lack of sleep - is vital to a relationship.

Having to go to bed at the exact same time and get up the same time and generally be in each other's inside pockets would be the relationship killer for me.

The odd thing is if we ever stay somewhere there’s no tv in the room he falls asleep within minutes.... Often before me.

That is key IMO.
If he can fall asleep anywhere else wo the TV on, then there is no reason why he can't fall asleep at home wo the TV on.

Youve tried different things to help with the 'teeth grinding'. I havent heard you say that he has tried anything else so he and you could sleep well.

The NOT doing anything whilst you blast the house is a different issue. I wouldn't accept that personally. Even less so when he has been moaning that you are wasting the weekend away by sleeping in. He could have got up, clean the house leaving you two having plenty of time 'to do things'

Fwiw, I suspect that the TV is disturbing your and his sleep. Both because of the noise and because of the light.

If he has such an issue with you snoring, I would advise ear plugs and some white noise.
But as I said before as it seems that yOU aren't making so much noise (from your own recording) and he can sleep well when away from home, he very likely has an issue with a habit he has got into and the fact he just doesn't want to change it because it would mean recognising that his reasons for the TV were crap

Maybe see your doctor about the teeth grinding OP. Regarding your DH having the TV on whilst your asleep,it has been scientifically proven that the 'blue' light that emits from TVs interferes with proper sleep,even if you aren't actually aware of it. I had this with my exP,who insisted on sitting up late into the night,watching TV. I would do my utmost to sleep but it was not restful sleep,and I always felt tired and irritable the next morning. Since we split up,I've felt so much better,as I'm not constantly sleep deprived!

Your H sounds like a right twat.

I think it is absolutely pathetic that adults have to share a bedroom and go to bed/get up at the same time. That's what you tell toddlers to do.

Sort your spare room out, get a good night's sleep and think carefully about whether you really want to have a relationship with someone who is so needy. And take the TV out of the bedroom.

I wouldn't be able to sleep with the TV on. The flickering light keeps me awake, let alone the noise.
I often disappear into the spare bedroom anyway because DH snores.

I really don't understand all this going to bed at the same time and getting up at the same time malarkey. If my dh woke up and turned on the TV in the morning while I was asleep, or woke me to ask when I was getting up I would tell him to bugger off downstairs.
He wouldn't wake me up though, so no need.

My DP likes to stay up late and watch TV, but we just go to bed at different times - there is no way I would have a TV in the bedroom. We also will use the spare room on occasion, for example if one of us has a cold, or DP has been on a night out which means he will snore terribly. I think it's just considerate rather than a sign the relationship's in trouble!

I am also a grinder/clencher and agree with the poster above who suggested a night guard - the clenching in particular has caused ,e a load of dental problems. (Mine is stress-related.)

1. Put the tv on a timer.
2. Wear earplugs (both of you)

It's no good arguing over who's right and wrong, you have to compromise on this. Tell him he doesn't have to wait for you, that he can get up and see to himself.

During the week, OH is always up first as he leaves for work usually before I'm up, at the weekend, I'm always up before him.

I don't sleep well, most nights I see the other side of midnight, and am awake around 2.30am for ten minutes. So you've both got to find patterns that suit you individually x

TV has no place in the bedroom, terrible sleep hygiene.

You need to get your snoring and grinding sorted. He needs to ban the TV. He also need to stop being such a three year old.

I wouldn’t TTC with him until he shows he has matured.