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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not care if a delivery driver uses a few ft of someones drive at the turning point

97 replies

Ijustwantaquietlife · 05/10/2017 17:09

I run a small buisness from home, I get a delivery once a month from a hgv. There's a turning point at the end of my road that the driver uses to turn around in.

Someone that lives there has had a go at me twice for the hgv turning around at the turning point and apparently using their drive. They claim it's "ripping up the drive" but I've looked at it with them and it hasn't been resurfaced in maybe 20 years so yes it is breaking up a bit. But I doubt that is a lorry once a month.

Aibu to just carry on and ignore the angry man that has little going on in his life?

OP posts:
yikesanotherbooboo · 05/10/2017 20:07

I am usually very easy going but you are being unreasonable here if in order for your business to run HGVs have to encroach upon someone’s private property.
If it iis a question of poor driving or laziness by the lorry driver then angry drive owner should have it out with them. If the hgv driver has no option in order to service your requirements then you are very much in the wrong and need to make new arrangements however petty it may seem ; sorry.

Original poster
Ijustwantaquietlife · 05/10/2017 20:10

It's once a month going slowly, really that much damage?

I might of been receptive to him had he approached me not in a rude and angry range.

I personally find it a bit bonkers to get possessive over someone on a drive for a few seconds once a month. I'm tempted to buy the deeds to see if he does even own thqt part as I have my doubts.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/10/2017 20:21

What matters more - being 'right' about this, or being a considerate neighbour and business owner?

I would be cross if someone who was making a regular delivery to my neighbour's business was reversing their HGV onto my drive.

Even if he does not own the drive, it is still not reasonable to expect him to be happy with it being damaged - it will look shabby.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/10/2017 20:23

I forgot to say - I genuinely do not understand why, now you know this is an issue for your neighbour, you wouldn't ask the driver to stop reversing onto his drive.

You seem to want to find justification for your ointment of view that he is being unreasonable to be unhappy - somyou can ignore him. How is this the right thing to do?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/10/2017 20:24

Argh - point of view, not ointment of view. Blush

Original poster
Ijustwantaquietlife · 05/10/2017 20:30

My point is if I made the call to the company it would be me reactiving posativity to the rude and unacceptable way he spoke to me.

I'm sure he's already called the company and with different drivers all the time it hasn't made any difference.

If he approached me in a respectful way and explained the issue then I would speak to the company and add a delivery note on each order.

It's no bigger than a van that washing machines get silvered on, and he did buy a house at a turning point and the price of land he's moaning about might belong just as much to me. Again I can't actually see it doing damage, it's more he's just sat at home all day and get irrate at tiny things.

OP posts:
Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 05/10/2017 20:32

You might of been receptive to him... But he’s in the right! You don’t get to dismiss his request for your delivery men to stop using his property because he didn’t ask in a suitably obsequious manner.
He didn’t have to.

teaandtoast · 05/10/2017 20:33

It's the weight, not the speed.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 05/10/2017 20:34

Ijustwantaquietlife You sound really petty and spiteful.

Sirzy · 05/10/2017 20:35

Why ask if your going to ignore what everyone has said?

Surely it’s not hard to say “and when you leave can you not turn onto the neighbours drive as it’s doing damage”

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/10/2017 20:36

Why wouldn't you do the right thing (contact the company and tell them to stop their drivers using his driveway) REGARDLESS of whether you think he asked you sufficiently politely?

Don't you think that he might be angry about his drive being damaged by your regular delivery driver, and that might have affected his manner?

Original poster
Ijustwantaquietlife · 05/10/2017 20:36

I'm someone that beleives respect is a two way street.

They are not my delivery drivers, I don't employ them nor have much control in how they drive.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/10/2017 20:40

You have more influence over them than your neighbour does - because the company will not want to lose your business!

He is angry about the cheeky drivers using and damaging his drive every time they deliver to you - that will have affected his manner when he approached you. Would you be all calm and sweetness-and-light if it was your property getting used without your permission and damaged?

You should do the right thing - your good manners and decent behaviour should NOT be contingent on someone else's manner.

FuzzyCustard · 05/10/2017 20:43

They may not be "your" delivery drivers, but they are delivering to your business, and without your business they would not be there. Therefore I think you do need to take responsibility for the effect they are having on your neighbour.

Sirzy · 05/10/2017 20:44

Perhaps if you and those linked to your business where more respectful of your neighbour and his property he would be more respectful of you - respect is a two way thing after all!

Original poster
Ijustwantaquietlife · 05/10/2017 20:45

I see that pov. But as an adult I know how to behave and going and shouting at a stranger when I'm agnry isn't very "win friends and influence people".

I hasn't yet been established if it is doing any damage, what I do know is he is lying when he pointed out all the damage it's supposed to have done.

Anyway I'll sleep on it and see how I feel in the morning. Thanks all.

OP posts:
Lweji · 05/10/2017 20:48

Just tell the lorry/van driver to reverse to your house instead of using the "turning point" that is clearly not intended for big vehicles.

Lostwithinthehills · 05/10/2017 20:50

I'm someone that beleives respect is a two way street

But only when the other party is respectful to you first?

How about listening to your neighbour's complaint, responding to it by asking the delivery company to stop using your neighbour's drive, then talk to your neighbour. I think that once your neighbour realised that you have listened to him and taken action to address the problem there is a good chance he will be polite to you.

You respect your neighbour then he may respect you = two way street.

NewLove · 05/10/2017 20:51

I'd have said no - but then I saw it was a HGV. Household drives are not meant to stand up to that sort of onslaught - even if it is only 2 days a month...

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/10/2017 20:52

Even if they aren't doing major damage, they are using his drive without permission. That is not OK. It is annoying your neighbour - someone you have to live near to - and there is a simple solution - why wouldn't you take it, to try to mend relations with your neighbour?

I'm sorry, but if I found out I was upsetting a neighbour (even indirectly, via a regular delivery driver), my first thought would be "What can I do to sort this out?" - not "How can I get out of any responsibility for this, make it all his problem, and wash my hands of the whole thing?"

Lostwithinthehills · 05/10/2017 20:53

what I do know is he is lying when he pointed out all the damage it's supposed to have done

What does it matter? You just need to ask the delivery company to stop using your neighbour's property. A call to them would be quicker than checking the Land Registry to establish who owns the end of your neighbour's drive.

Sayyouwill · 05/10/2017 20:55

Doesn't matter if the land is his or not.
If it is his, you are the reason his property is being damaged. If it isn't his, he can report you to the council for damaging their property.

Just speak to the driver, don't be so mean!

tippz · 05/10/2017 21:03

WOW the entitled-to attitude from the OP is staggering.

Why the fuck SHOULD your neighbour 'give respect first?' YOU (and the delivery driver) are the ones taking the piss out of him, and disrespecting him, but encroaching on his land. And you are so incensed that he annoyed by it, that you are going to contact land registry to see if it's ALL his land.

What a mean-spirited, irksome, spiteful little busybody you sound! And your username @Ijustwantaquietlife is a joke! You sound like a right troublemaker.

I hope your poor neighbour sues you for damages to his land.

Original poster
Ijustwantaquietlife · 05/10/2017 21:04

It's not a neighbour, it's 18 doors down.

Why is it totally not ok to use a driveway to turn around in? You are supposed to complete the manoeuvre as quickly and safely as possible. Would be stupid for someone to go back and forth 10 times rather than use a few ft of a drive.

How exactly can he report me to the council? He hasn't threatened that but says he will report me to the police.

It's a largeish turning point for a cul-de-sac with many houses, it's designed for it imo especially as there's still a working farm next to it that regularly moves heavy vehicles.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 05/10/2017 21:07

I'm not sure why its so hard to just ask the drivers - who are delivery to YOUR business at YOUR request - not to use his drive to turn round.