To lie on my CV

[OhThisbloodyComputer]

I was once escorted off the premises of an employer. Wasn't even allowed to put my stuff in a bin bag.

The boss had it in for me, and I gave him an excuse.

Anyway, I need to be more positive, so I tell people my employer said I was "fired with enthusiasm"

Anyone got any helpful advice or constructive criticism?

What other phrases could be used?

Here’s what I do..

I left a course because I had anorexia and then proceeded to do some pt fairly rubbish jobs whilst I recovered. I tend to not put the date I finished the course, so it looks like I completed it, and then made the job titles fancy for the rubbish part time things. I completed the course at a later date, alongside working so none of it feels like lying... Its also not related to anything I have done since so it’s not useful.

Thanks @daisychain01

Your advice is much appreciated and helpful. I do despair at the blandness of human interaction and the lack of honesty though. But I know what you mean.

This incident was a long time ago. I'm happily working for myself now. (well, I say happily...)

There's a kettle I have to attend to now.

I do despair at the blandness of human interaction

I think that being fired is the least of your worries!

"If I see anyone who doesn't look relaxed, their feet won't touch the goddamn floor"

@Caulkheadupnorf

thanks, that is much appreciated advice. I always get caught out when I lie anyway. I think there's an art to it

I have loads of creativity on my CV, not to talk it up but to fit what they want.

but again....if this is your method of communication....this can't be a real method of wanting help can it?!

if it is, head over to Employment Issues and actually ask your goddamn question properly. Many posters are very happy to help in situations like these.

Usually it takes a little longer to jump the shark.

Strange how many people get fired on mumsnet purely because managers don't like them despite them being the perfect employee

My friend was 'allowed to resign' after calling, well shouting, her boss ' was a cunt' (long story) and put that she left due to 'home responsibilities'. She got a job easily.

I rather like the sound of your friend, @GriefLeavesItsMark

Of course, I don't know the circumstances so I'm in no place to judge

I was once escorted off the premises of an employer. Wasn't even allowed to put my stuff in a bin bag. - in certain job roles this is quite normal though not something you would openly admit to on a CV though you dont need to explain and point out everything let them question it, then its how you answer it that's important.

I've worked in several places where leaving this way this is the norm, tbh it sometimes has nothing to do with arguments ect its to do with the protection of Data. Especially in IT, Development or coding roles, a lot of companys escort their employers out of the building immediately and often placed garden leave (where you're still on the payroll and serve your leave period but away from the workplace) It tend to be what your working on because an act against the company in the form of removal or deletion of data or code could be extremely detrimental so most places like this tend to remove the person instantly before any stealing of code to take to a rival company or revenge from being sacked can be committed.

Which to be fair when I was younger happened another employee locked us all out of the system on purpose and left we all got sent home that day.

Wise words indeed, @Dippingmytoesin

@NamasteTheFuckAwayFromMe

I didn't threaten to fire-bomb no.

What did you do OP

I recently applied and got a new job (not had a job before - personal reasons which were explained to them) - this was known by the interviewer before the job was offered to me (before I even attended the interview infact)

I was called yesterday and told that unless I can provide written evidence (medical letters, benefits letters) with specific dates on for what I've been doing for X amount of time (e.g. X was claiming benefits from 23rd September 2010 until 4th November 2016) they'll take my job. If you've had a job, you need to provide 3 employer references (i'm only early 20's, so even if I've had a job, I wouldn't have had 3) from the past 3 years or again, your job will be taken. No personal or academic references will be accepted.

It seems odd considering they're advertising as a job that's 'ideal for college students' really.

There was one person (group interview) who lied on her CV and couldn't get the job as she couldn't provide the 3 employer references. She's flipping 19 years old!

@peterpan742

It's incidents like that, where the HR man/woman has no imagination whatsoever, that worry me.

If they are unable to use their discretion, then there is no reason why a machine can't do their job for them. A lot of people hide behind their scripted responses. If you wanted to be programmed to have limited responses, you're no better than an Amstrad 286 !

OhThisbloodyComputer You're spot on! Finally, someone who bloody gets it!

They have said it's a personal requirement, which is fine however it's not right when you start giving jobs to people who you know can't provide that and then remove their jobs from them.
A friend recently applied for a job (after being on long term benefits) and the job centre would only write a letter stating the months she claimed - The job was taken from her as she couldn't provide specific dates. They also ask for doctors letters with specific dates of treatment times on them. It really is concerning.

The job I got is in the caring profession that I am fully qualified to do and have completed various placements, yet they're threatening to take it as I can't provide evidence for X amount of years and they knew this before offering it.

One of the more common euphemisms for being sacked is something like "I left because my manager and I decided I wasn't a good fit for the company".

If outright asked, you would have to admit you were dismissed. You don't have to tell them you were frog-marched out of the building, and anyway as mentioned that's standard in some job roles. If not asked, don't volunteer it.

@peterpan742

One option might be to see your MP and ask them to lend their support. Some people are inflexible until someone higher up the hierarchy intervenes.

Or possibly, ask a union for help. Or some kind of employment support body.

@safariboot Thanks for that. I don't often tell people about when I've been dismissed. I wised up to mistake after that MI5 fiasco. They were literally eating out of my hands until they asked me why I left McDonald's.

You shouldn’t include your reason leaving any previous role on your CV. You can contact the National Careers Service if you need help with your CV, they’ll give you some impartial advice