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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lie on my CV

96 replies

OhThisbloodyComputer · 05/10/2017 11:55

I was once escorted off the premises of an employer. Wasn't even allowed to put my stuff in a bin bag.

The boss had it in for me, and I gave him an excuse.

Anyway, I need to be more positive, so I tell people my employer said I was "fired with enthusiasm"

Anyone got any helpful advice or constructive criticism?

What other phrases could be used?

OP posts:
EmmaLou3422 · 05/10/2017 12:52

I've lied on my CV about a couple of things. One being my gcse result for maths, I said I had a C when in fact I had a D. They never checked and they don't care. Been in my job 7 years now and it's never come back on me! Luckily I don't actually have to be good at maths for my job otherwise I'd be stuffed.

Original poster
OhThisbloodyComputer · 05/10/2017 12:53

@Zebra31

Yes, it was unfair dismissal. One other co-worker got sacked for going to the toilet without permission, because her manager didn't like her either.

But I learned from her case that it's all very well having right on your side, but fighting a legal battle isn't a picnic. You have to sacrifice some of your life to wading through documents and thinking horrible thoughts. Sometimes it's better just to write the whole thing off and start a new life somewhere else.

I didn't realise we get this deep! I was only really looking for some amusing anecdotes.

I feel like I'm on trial in the court of Mumsnet.

OP posts:
Slimthistime · 05/10/2017 12:54

Oh I've just remembered your post from Creative Writing, I thought your tone was familiar.

FarmerGilesRockfordFiles · 05/10/2017 12:55

OP, are you my ex?

He was a twat as well and used to make me cringe with his "hilarious" stories.

PovertyPain · 05/10/2017 12:56

Ok, OP, knock yourself out

If only, Very 🤕😁

splendidisolation · 05/10/2017 12:56

@OhThisbloodyComputer

Can you confirm your whereabouts on the evening of 27th September between 9pm and midnight?

VeryCunningStunt · 05/10/2017 12:57

I was rather hoping we could share tips on this thread

Be less aggressive in your tone. Be more clear about what you're hoping to accomplish from any exchange you engage in. Don't deliberately wrong-foot people for 'comedy value'.

Original poster
OhThisbloodyComputer · 05/10/2017 12:59

Thanks for being so understanding @EmmaLou3422

The thing is, if you're good enough to do the job, the grades don't matter. I'm amazed how pernickety some employers are.

They take ten times as much time writing out their self aggrandising job descriptions as they do actually getting to know the candidate.

(Uh oh. Another self deprecating revelation there. I've just invited more instant judgement!)

OP posts:
Original poster
OhThisbloodyComputer · 05/10/2017 13:00

@splendidisolation

You'll have to ask my brief.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 05/10/2017 13:02

If someone tells a blatant lie on their CV I think it raises questions about their integrity quite frankly.

Original poster
OhThisbloodyComputer · 05/10/2017 13:02

@VeryCunningStunt

Sorry if I appeared aggressive.

That was not the intention. I honestly didn't think asking a question and poking fun at myself was aggressive.

OP posts:
CoteDAzur · 05/10/2017 13:03

"The first thing 'he' will do. The HR boss was a woman."

Irrelevant. I said "he" because that is the pronoun used in the English language when a 3rd person's sex is not known.

"I do have brain cells, but I don't rub them together."

You should try it some day. It is quite pleasurable to work one's brain Wink

" I was hoping for some kind of guidance on how to represent experiences in a positive way"

We can't do that if you don't tell us why exactly you were fired from your previous job.

"I was only trying to amuse people with tales of my stupidity. I thought it might cheer people up."

It hasn't had that effect, unfortunately.

Original poster
OhThisbloodyComputer · 05/10/2017 13:03

@FarmerGilesRockfordFiles

I'm loving your humour. It's infectious.

OP posts:
VeryCunningStunt · 05/10/2017 13:04

This is going to end up being one of those threads that gets deleted because it 'isn't doing anyone any favours', isn't it?

Why are you trying to goad people into reacting negatively to you, OP? Comments like "Uh oh. Another self deprecating revelation there. I've just invited more instant judgement!" don't come across as if you're genuinely wanting people to share tips/funny stories

splendidisolation · 05/10/2017 13:06

@CoteDAzur Actually its not 1956 anymore so we use "they" when gender is unknown.
Eg "someone left you a message/oh what did they want?"

splendidisolation · 05/10/2017 13:06

I personally like the OP.

VeryCunningStunt · 05/10/2017 13:07

Sorry if I appeared aggressive

Tone doesn't come across well online, so comments like 'And if I tell you this. If I see anyone who doesn't look relaxed, their feet won't touch the goddamn floor' can be very difficult to interpret.

I get that you probably meant it to be funny, but your 'gung-ho, high energy' posting style made it sound quite angry.

Original poster
OhThisbloodyComputer · 05/10/2017 13:08

Good point @ilovesooty

If people lie on their CV that does raise questions about their integrity. Mind you, it can be a sign of creativity.

Come on, everyone has a bit of artistic licence when they have to humble-brag on their CV surely.

Is it just me?

OP posts:
florentinasummertime · 05/10/2017 13:09

There was a woman struck off the teacher register for life for this, though, so in some jobs you have to be careful.

Caulkheadupnorf · 05/10/2017 13:10

OP I feel this isn’t going the way you planned. Were you looking for advice on writing a CV?

I have a feeling I know who you are, from the way you wrote, but under a different name. If you are then I recommend you get some support. Obviously I may be wrong...

Original poster
OhThisbloodyComputer · 05/10/2017 13:12

thank you so much @splendidisolation

I'm going to the kitchen now and I'm going to make you a cup of tea.

And thanks @VeryCunningStunt

''gung ho, high energy'. That's a lovely thing to say!

OP posts:
Majormanner · 05/10/2017 13:12

if your job needs integrity or trust then dont lie - just put dates

splendidisolation · 05/10/2017 13:15

Thanks @OhThisbloodyComputer if you have any food going I skipped lunch

Original poster
OhThisbloodyComputer · 05/10/2017 13:17

@Caulkheadupnorf

Thanks for this. I was hoping people would share their stories about their creativity when writing their CVs.

You know the type of thing. "I'm not a liar. I'm just constantly re-inventing myself."

But it's all gone horribly wrong. Which is good in a way as I should be working now.

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 05/10/2017 13:19

OP, there are numerous colourful reasons why people leave a company and find new employment. Most reasons for leaving never need to see the light of day, they are generally minimised and sanitised to within an inch of their lives.

Reason for leaving:

I found a new career opportunity
I wanted to advance my experience into xyz field
I moved home location
Etc

Keep it simple, bland and authentic, all the above are "corporate speak" for many things from "the boss was a bully", "I didn't fancy working 60 hours a week anymore" to "the commute was doing my head in and I wanted a lie in sometimes" whatever.

It isn't a lie, it's making life easier so you can move on and get a new job.