To lie on my CV

[OhThisbloodyComputer]

I was once escorted off the premises of an employer. Wasn't even allowed to put my stuff in a bin bag.

The boss had it in for me, and I gave him an excuse.

Anyway, I need to be more positive, so I tell people my employer said I was "fired with enthusiasm"

Anyone got any helpful advice or constructive criticism?

What other phrases could be used?

funny you should say that @Awwlookatmybabyspider

The HR person at my next employer wrote to the the previous employer for a reference. Even though I specified that I didn't want them to. Which was annoying. Which proves that the HR was both resourceful and human (in a ghastly way).

Thanks for that though. I've learned something from this.

"their feet won't touch the goddamn floor"

Yeah OP too right! Like "you muthafuckers better goddamn chill the fuck out or im about to get go crazy on your asses!"

If I see anyone who doesn't look relaxed, their feet won't touch the goddamn floor Fuck! You sound like the work bully that plays at being the funny guy/woman.

Why did they fire you?

Levitating during working hours.

Thanks for that though. I've learned something from this.

Glad you have. The rest of us haven't.

@maddening

They fired me because they wanted to. Because they needed to lower the head count.

I had an argument with a creepy co-worker and he complained to my manager, who was desperate to suck up to the boss, who was under pressure to lower the head count.

This thread is really weird I have no idea if you are BU or not but am enjoying the updates

i try not to judge people. And woe betide anyone who I suspect of being judgemental

Isn't that, erm, slightly contradictory?

But as to the job, just put the dates, as people have said. You don't need to mention being fired.

"The HR person at my next employer wrote to the the previous employer for a reference. Even though I specified that I didn't want them to."

Please tell me this is a joke.

Surely anyone with two brain cells to rub together would know for certain that the minute you tell a recruiter not to call your previous employer, that's the first thing he will do

I had an argument with a creepy co-worker and he complained to my manager, who was desperate to suck up to the boss, who was under pressure to lower the head count.

Was your boss Henry VIII .

This is an odd thread.

@splendidisolation

There are more sensitive ways of putting it.

The HR person at my next employer wrote to the the previous employer for a reference. Even though I specified that I didn't want them to.

Tough. That's kind of how the whole 'getting a new job' thing works.

I see new employers checked. Not surprised. I would check too.

You were escorted out of the building for having a disagreement with another colleague? It must have been a very aggressive situation to justify immediate dismissal and removal out of the building? Was it unfair dismissal?

@OhThisbloodyComputer how was your co-worker creepy and what was the argument about?

Just having my lunch.

"Argument"?

Did it become physical?

So many weird threads recently.

@CoteDAzur

"Surely anyone with two brain cells to rub together would know for certain that the minute you tell a recruiter not to call your previous employer, that's the first thing he will do"

The first thing 'he' will do. The HR boss was a woman.

I do have brain cells, but I don't rub them together. Even I know that's wrong.

I was rather hoping we could share tips on this thread (and some people have been kind enough to give me good advice) and maybe even share experiences. I was only trying to amuse people with tales of my stupidity. I thought it might cheer people up.

I'm not trying to wind anyone up. I was hoping for some kind of guidance on how to represent experiences in a positive way.

Perhaps people who want serious, proper advice and sound information should post in the appropriate section rather than risk misinformation on here.

Here's my experience represented in a positive way. 'I read a stupid thread on Mumsnet. However, I don't regret it as it taught me the valuable lesson of when to turn off after a couple of posts'.

OP "I'm not trying to wind anyone up. I was hoping for some kind of guidance on how to represent experiences in a positive way"

if this is your normal method of communication, you have a lot to learn.

my suggestion would be to go via an agency, be honest, and don't tell any "jokes" about it. Don't put it on your CV - but tbh if you don't know that already I'm a bit stunned.

an agency who agree to represent you will be able to say "this person was fired because xyz" (with a sane rational explanation) and then if you get interviews you can follow up further.

and of course HR have to check references.

Are you OK, OP? I can't put my finger on it, but something in your tone sounds a bit manic - and in need of some kind of real life support.

Just say you left the job on X date. If asked in the interview why you left, you can say because of family caring responsibilities/ because you needed a new challenge - whatever.