Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my teen to be able to get ready without prompting 500 times!

73 replies

iamdivergent · 05/10/2017 07:32

She is 13.

Alarm is at 630 on school days. She spends at least 20mins laying around in her bed before she even considers getting up. She has just come down 5mins ago, still needs breakfast and to pack her bag as she didn't do it last night. We need to leave in 15mins Angry

Every day is the same! Going to need to confiscate the phone I think.

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 05/10/2017 07:34

DD is 17 and is much the same.

Original poster
iamdivergent · 05/10/2017 07:39

It drives me insane!

OP posts:
EdmundCleverClogs · 05/10/2017 07:46

Her alarm went off an hour ago, it seems a bit excessive if she doesnt need to leave until 7.45am Could you not remind her to sort her bag and such the night before and therefore allow her an extra 20mins in bed in the morning?

RedSkyAtNight · 05/10/2017 07:52

What happens if you stop nagging her and leave without her (don't nag my teen but if this means he ends up late for school, that's his problem)?

00100001 · 05/10/2017 07:53

Why is her alarm going off at 6.30?

Seems very early

Crumbs1 · 05/10/2017 07:58

Thirteen is a good age to start taking responsibility for herself. Nagging is a pernicious 'safety net' that increases temperatures in households and stresses all.
Back off. Tell her the time you are leaving. At that time get in car - I'm assuming car as you say ' we need to leave' and wait two minutes then go. Tell her to make sure the door is locked on her way out.

Can she not walk to school? If she misses breakfast she'll survive and be a bit quicker next day. If she forgets something she'll have to bear the consequences. If she has to walk or catch the bus, so be it.

Give her the responsibility.

SaucyJack · 05/10/2017 08:04

Yeah, it's the phone.

No electronics in the bedroom overnight here, and they can only have them the next morning once they're up and dressed, and have made their breakfast.

Subtlecheese · 05/10/2017 08:04

If you need to leave then leave. Don't foster dependency. She's 13. It is entirely possible to get up and ready yourself at 13.
I don't want to play the 'In my day' card. But at 13 I had a morning paper round before school. I was expected to get on with it or lose the job. I learned to time manage my mornings. Maybe too soon, Maybe my mum could have given some pointers. But I was rarely late.

Jasminedes · 05/10/2017 08:06

Yes, stop nagging, reduce to one or two time checks, and say you will take her phone away for a day if she is not ready on time, then follow through. Of course be kind, she will need to improve step by step, and some people don't find this stuff easy to do for themselves.

Ploppie4 · 05/10/2017 08:08

Tell her you’re not reminding her at all and she needs to sets some alarms on the phone. Help her work out what time the alarms need to go off.

How far is the school? Can she walk or bus it?

Willow2017 · 05/10/2017 08:09

Mine is the same every sodding day.
Wake him up at 7 he staggers downstairs at 8 or later. I am forever shouting up the stairs.

He can't walk to school its too far with a busy main road to cross. He always makes it in time but drives me mad.

And he doesn't have his phone at night he is just like me a night owl.

Lonecatwithkitten · 05/10/2017 08:15

I went without my 13 year old once, she is always ready now.

Ploppie4 · 05/10/2017 08:15

Once mine were at secondary they had to pack their own bags, get themselves up and ready. I helped them make the transition during year 7

Springersrock · 05/10/2017 08:29

My older DD was like this. Complete pain in the arse in the mornings.

I stepped back, I'll poke my head round her door at 7 and check she's awake but no further reminders or nagging.

1 after school detention for being late for school seemed to focus her mind a bit and she's got her act together

caffelatte100 · 05/10/2017 08:30

My 13 year old is up at 5:45 every day and bus leaves at 6:15. He has to get himself organised, has breakfast, takes sandwich box out of fridge and packs it into his school bag etc. If he doesn't do it, then he misses the bus. It's his responsibility and not mine though I support everyday in every way that I can as I know it's hard for him.

If he is late, he's in trouble, not me and I never nag him. They have to take responsibility for themselves at this age. If your daughter is too tired, then she needs to go to bed earlier and she doesn't need to be on her phone and so if that's getting in the way just confiscate it.

LoniceraJaponica · 05/10/2017 08:37

I love how some parents have self motivated children. They must have excellent parenting skills Hmm.

For the record. We live rurally so DD has to get the school bus. If she misses it she doesn't get to school. She also suffers from CFS and needs urging to get up in the morning.

Neolara · 05/10/2017 08:40

Before I had kids, I was expert at getting up 5-10 mins before I had to leave for work. Worked absolutely fine - I was never late, I never forgot things. Just because I it's different to what you do, doesn't mean it's necessarily a problem. Obviously, it might be if she is late or not organised.

londonrach · 05/10/2017 08:42

Just go. My parents did if i wasnt ready. or take her without breakfast in her pjs 😋 (Bring school clothes in a bag). Shes 13 time to learn to take some responsibility. She thank you one day op.

Northumberlandlass · 05/10/2017 08:43

DS (14) has no choice - I leave for work at 7am & an LP
I wake him just before I leave and make him a cuppa. He is responsible for everything.

CatalpaTree · 05/10/2017 08:43

Tonight, when you're not both in a rush and calm, tell her you respect that she's growing up and capable of managing herself and you realise that you chasing her on a morning is stressful for both of you. Explain that as of tomorrow you'll just make sure her alarm has gone off and remind her the time you're leaving. If she's not ready in the car at that time then you'll go and leave her to it.

BarbarianMum · 05/10/2017 08:45

My children are very motivated by the fact that if they are late they'll miss their bus/ lift and end up in trouble at school. If they are in trouble at school they'll lose screen time at home. Try reminding her once and leaving her to it.

Roomster101 · 05/10/2017 08:53

I also rely on the fact that they will get into trouble at school if they are late. Tell her tonight that you are going to wake her up at 6.45 (6.30 seems unnecessary) but there will be no more reminders. Make her feel that being late will be her problem, not yours and see what happens.

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin · 05/10/2017 08:55

If it's of any consolation, mine was like this - 5 years of yelling up the stairs for 90 minutes but now he's gone to a completely different 6th form he's up at 5.30 am Hmm.

Fekko · 05/10/2017 08:55

Ds is the same. Slowly getting better bit I used to get told off for being late for work after hauling him to school!

00100001 · 05/10/2017 09:27

lonicera "I love how some parents have self motivated children. They must have excellent parenting skills hmm. "

It's not about being fucking perfect. It's about saying at 13 years old the child can take responsibility and face the consequences, they're 13, not 3. Confused

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread