To expect my teen to be able to get ready without prompting 500 times!

[iamdivergent]

She is 13.

Alarm is at 630 on school days. She spends at least 20mins laying around in her bed before she even considers getting up. She has just come down 5mins ago, still needs breakfast and to pack her bag as she didn't do it last night. We need to leave in 15mins

Every day is the same! Going to need to confiscate the phone I think.

We live close to the school it's one if the reasons we chose that school even though the next comp along had far better exam results. DS has been able to roll out of bed and in to class with no super early starts. I say it's down to them.

I know people want the best for their dc educationally but I can never get my head around some of the huge distances dc travel for school. DH had to travel in to London and it took him almost two hours some days.

Tell her to pack her bag at night, wake her up at 7. Shower, dress, breakfast, go. No reminders, leave if she isn't ready. Tell school why she isn't there should they call you.

Also, if she gets up too late for breakfast, she'll be hungry until lunch. Let her take the consequences, works better than nagging. Bag not packed and kit missing- she gets into trouble, not you. Late- same.

Is she going to bed late? Do you have a rule about no screens etc and make sure her phone is not in her room. No tv in her room either.

Teens do tend towards having funny body clocks which mean they find it harder to wake up in the morning but it's no good if she's staying awake all hours.

I agree with pp. she needs to do it herself and experience the consequences if she’s late. My youngest was 13 when I went back to working shifts (widowed single parent) and left for work before her some days - missing the school bus meant a long bus/train/bus journey and being extremely late - only happened a couple of times!,

Also she should bus it or walk to school. Contact the attendance person each time she chooses to be late and explain how disorganised she is and ask him/her to run through how to get ready independently.

When I moved in with my now husband, he had a 13 year old. 13yo was good at getting up but often forgot to pack things needed at school.

After driving to her school with lunch/money/gym kit etc I started saying "no I can't bring it, I'm just going to an appointment/interview/date with Robert Downey jr"

13yo only went hungry once and never again forgot their lunch again. DH and I had a huge row about this, he thought I was being cruel but I wasn't. I taught responsibility. If you protect them from the consequences of their actions you're not doing any favours.

I'd suggest you book a day or two off work then you're in no hurry and leave her to her own devices. If she's not ready to leave at 7.45am then she gets to school late. Sometimes hard lessons are the best lessons learnt.

Yes and screen/phone time ends at 9pm and begins again when she’s completely ready first thing.

Like pp have suggested time for a little tough love. Make sure she is up and leave her to it. If she suffers the consequences of being late or forgetting stuff she will learn.

My parents picked up after my eldest when she was at school - no matter what she wanted they went a running. It caused many many rows. She is at uni now and about as capable as a wet teabag but is learning fast!

My 15yo twins are the total opposite up at 6, ready, chores done and leave at 7.30. No prompting required but they also don't need 2 hours to get themselves ready.

I just think you should leave at a specific time and go without her if she’s not ready. Yes to natural consequences. That’s how they learn!

We live rurally too and the next bus is lunchtime. DS has to catch it once

I often marvel at the time people get up. We get up 30 minutes before we leave, shower, dress, breakfast, go. It even leaves time for a coffee. Perhaps we are exceptionally lazy and love our sleep.

My dd1 has just started year 7, and starts school at 8.15. I also have dd2, 10, and two dogs and me to sort before we leave the house at 7.45 am.
Both of mine are dawdlers and procrastinators, as am I.
Last year we were always late and stressed so before term started this year we all sat down and made a process map for the mornings-a sort of flow chart with times on it, and boxes for where we all need to be and when.
We agreed that I would go and tell them both the time at certain points and say if we are behind and that they aren't to strop when I do.It's worked ok so far-we haven't been late and we haven't had any full on arguments-few niggles between them as they now sort of nag each other if one is behind or in the shower when the other should be-which saves me doing it.
It's become a sort of game
Now to see if we can get out a minute earlier.we are super smug when we do.

It might seem a bit of overkill but I couldn't stand getting to work stressed and tired from the morning wrangling and I'm hoping it will get them in to better habits so they'll just do it on their own as they get older...(which I realise might be a bit over optimistic).
Could you try talking it through with her like that op, when you are both calm and coming up with a plan?

Somebody I work with still gets his 19 year old up for his apprenticeship- cut the cord now & do both of you a favour.

Don't drive, bus is at 750 a five minute walk from our house. She literally has to roll out of bed, get dressed, brush her hair and teeth and put her shoes on, get breakfast and put her lunch in her bag. She used to get up at 7 but was forever running late (much more than now), the 630 wake up was her idea but even that is no longer working.

Will reply to others once I've read...

School is 3m away, she walks home sometimes but never walks in or would need to leave earlier. I've told her til I'm blue in the face to sort her stuff the night before but she never does.

She shares with 9yo sister so it's lights off at 9 - she is allowed on her phone until 945 and meant to go to sleep then but I highly doubt she does. She has always had issues wig her sleep, she listens to ASMR (I think that's what it's called) to send her to sleep. I've turned the 3g off on her phone today and will change Wi-Fi password when I go to bed tonight I think though she has no need for her phone as she has an alarm clock.

I get same bus as she does as take younger dd to school, next bus arrives in town about 5mins before school bell so she would definitely be late if she misses our bus at 750.

Dd2 is downstairs ready to leave by 7am, she reads or plays with toddler and is a delight in the mornings! She showers at night, never in morning as she would never be ready on time. Dh says I should just leave her to it but it would drive me nuts knowing she was going to be late - may be the only way she takes some responsibility though!

I don't work, but do have to take dd2 into school on bus. I'm a SAHP with toddler atm.

I suspect your frustrations are shared by many parents of teens OP.

Mine is also 13 and requires a certain amount of chivvying in the morning but fortunately he is very motivated by the fear of detention (immediate penalty for lateness at school) and knows he has to leave by 7.30.

I always make sure he's packed his bag the night before and if there's ever an occasion where he's 'forgotten' then I physically sit next to him the next night, make him talk me through tomorrow's timetable and pack the bag.

It sounds as if just telling your DD to pack isn't working. Try sitting next to her and literally watching her to do it.

And then yes, maybe a couple of reminders in the morning and then leave her to it. She misses the bus, she takes the consequences.

Maybe I'm just mean.. I have two 12 years olds here, one in y7 and one in y8 at different schools.
They've been getting themselves up and ready for school since y6 at primary. We get up about 7 to see them off now they are in secondary, (one leaves at 7.30, the other 8am) but getting up, dressed, teeth, breakfast etc..their responsibility. If they forget anything, not our problem.
If they miss the bus I will happily tell them when the next one is.

Sorry cross posted with your last one op.

Take her phone away at bedtime. No phone between 9 pm and 7am is the rule here.

It's the one piece of advice they dish out at every parent curriculum evening at ds's school. No phones overnight. If they need an alarm, buy a clock!

I am fairly relaxed about screen time compared to some teen parents I know (DS has Aspergers and screen time is his way of relaxing and switching off from the stresses of school and family life) but I am absolutely strict on the 'no screens overnight' rule.

Why so stressed if she's late? She'll get into trouble sure, but its hardly a criminal record. Most people learn by their mistakes, so let her make some.

I don't know barbarian! I just am. She would get detention which, depending on the day, could impact on her after school clubs.

Going to sit down with her tonight as it's getting me stressed out and now how I want to be set up for me day at home with the wee one.

So what if it would impact on her afternoon clubs! At least she would learn from it. Perhaps a detention would actually help her as well. Sounds like you are taking responsibility for her time keeping. It's an important skill that teenagers need to develop but it shouldn't make you this stressed.

So she gets detention. And that means she misses an afterschool activity. And this is a problem because.....?

Stop trying to stop her feeling the consequences of her own actions. The more you do this the worse it will be for her in the long run. You can really, really harm a child by doing this.